Re: How Islamic is the Pakistani Rishta Process?
Really captain? This is a little disturbing.
Ok, but can you point out the ayat? Or if not, at least the surah?
Re: How Islamic is the Pakistani Rishta Process?
While beauty and financial stability may seem superficial things to look for, I don't think you can just ignore them.
Most people want to marry someone they are at least attracted to and most people want someone who's somewhat financial stable.
While the pakistani rishta process can be debated, I'm not sure how you think an islamic rishta process should be? You mention mingling with the opposite gender as one of the key points, fair enough, but do you think people will just mingle without any set requirements?
Age, education, family background and looks are still going to play an important role.
This.
Re: How Islamic is the Pakistani Rishta Process?
I don't really wish to argue. You may continue thinking that way, if you like to.
Well I hope not, it's Ramadan, unbecoming to start insulting people on being "frustrated" women.
Re: How Islamic is the Pakistani Rishta Process?
^
I apologise if you took it as an insult. I didn't mean to insult, though. I don't see a point in explaining my point further so I'll just leave you at that.
Stay blessed!
Re: How Islamic is the Pakistani Rishta Process?
The whole no-mingling AT ALL is crazy (and still happens a lot) and not getting to meet/see/talk with your spouse is the most unislamic part of it all. There is nowhere in the Quran where it says you have to bow your head and say yes to any rando stranger your parents try to shove down your throat. If you’re not happy, you can/should say no–RESPECTFULLY, of course. The AGENCY we take away from our kids–the people that are the ones going to be living with each other potentially–is the real unislamic part of the whole deal. Marrying a stranger isn’t condoned anywhere but desis tend to forget that because of our customs and “traditions”.
Re: meeting in public and whatever. Engaged couples or prospective spouses are nothing–some of my family back home refuses to let the nikkah-ed couple mingle or see each other AT ALL in public or elsewhere because the girl doesn’t have her rukhsati done. 
Re: How Islamic is the Pakistani Rishta Process?
You taken to following me round the forum again, LePak?? Haven’t you been warned about this before?
Seriously you need to stop with the passive aggression.. Didn’t you also accuse someone else of ‘excessively’ liking others’ posts LOL.. Not sure how what other people like on GS is even anything to do with YOU (and funny how these likes only seem to bother you when they don’t share your point of view)..
Before you get upset with me for pointing this out **you shouldn’t be dishing it out in the first place if you can’t handle someone answering back..
**
I’m sorry it seems to rile you sooooo much when anyone says anything remotely negative about Pakistani culture.. **For someone who loves making memes it’s actually quite amusing seeing how sensitive YOU are to any criticism of it ** 
Re: How Islamic is the Pakistani Rishta Process?
haha its just funny how calculated our decisions have become . All so mathematical and based on 'facts' . Why we need to so over think it ??? In the end its all leap of faith after all.
Re: How Islamic is the Pakistani Rishta Process?
The whole no-mingling AT ALL is crazy (and still happens a lot) and not getting to meet/see/talk with your spouse is the most unislamic part of it all. There is nowhere in the Quran where it says you have to bow your head and say yes to any rando stranger your parents try to shove down your throat. If you're not happy, you can/should say no--RESPECTFULLY, of course. The AGENCY we take away from our kids--the people that are the ones going to be living with each other potentially--is the real unislamic part of the whole deal. Marrying a stranger isn't condoned anywhere but desis tend to forget that because of our customs and "traditions".
Please also state that whatever you wrote is your personal opinion. I know arguing on this is a lost cause really so I won't. But stating opinion as a fact/ law/truth is quite misleading IMHO.
Re: How Islamic is the Pakistani Rishta Process?
Please also state that whatever you wrote is your personal opinion. I know arguing on this is a lost cause really so I won't. But stating opinion as a fact/ law/truth is quite misleading IMHO.
Actually, it is stated in the Quran that prospective spouses have a right to see each other (obviously in the presence of an adult chaperone) and make sure they are "pleased with each other."
As far as her comment, of course what she is saying is her personal opinion. It is very unlikely that anyone on here did any studies or published any scholarly research on what they are saying. It stands to reason that what people are commenting on here is simply their opinion based their experiences. No one (except the OP) has claimed that what they are saying is fact. Everyone's experiences are different. No reason to argue really.
Re: How Islamic is the Pakistani Rishta Process?
I wish there were more non-Pakistanis that frequented here, and explained to us how muslims in other cultures do this. So we can realize how unIslamic we are in the process.
I just had to hand a rishta uncle, my age, my weight, my height, and my skin tone and pictures to back it up. That's all that is getting forwarded to the families he knows. It makes me shudder that moms are making decisions on just that much information. I wanted to tell him my pros and cons in terms of my personality, but I figured, these moms probably don't care about that information when they're doing their initial screenings.
You guys do realize our rishta process is not just hindu/Islamic influenced, it's also heavily Victorian. The kinds of shenanigans you see in our culture, heavily Victorian.
Um, I think even the Queen of England has moved on with her life.
Re: How Islamic is the Pakistani Rishta Process?
Height + weight = BMI. Do these aunties have a BMI calculator at hand, I wonder?
Re: How Islamic is the Pakistani Rishta Process?
I almost wanted to ask the uncle, can you please forward ME the height and weight of the aunty whose son is in question, I'd like to know how moti my saas might be, since that would factor in.
Re: How Islamic is the Pakistani Rishta Process?
I wish there were more non-Pakistanis that frequented here, and explained to us how muslims in other cultures do this. So we can realize how unIslamic we are in the process.
I just had to hand a rishta uncle, my age, my weight, my height, and my skin tone and pictures to back it up. That's all that is getting forwarded to the families he knows. It makes me shudder that moms are making decisions on just that much information. I wanted to tell him my pros and cons in terms of my personality, but I figured, these moms probably don't care about that information when they're doing their initial screenings.
You guys do realize our rishta process is not just hindu/Islamic influenced, it's also heavily Victorian. The kinds of shenanigans you see in our culture, heavily Victorian.
Um, I think even the Queen of England has moved on with her life.
PCG- The process has its own quirks in other muslim countries as well.
preferences are preferences, the abuse of that is the issue, not the preferences themselves. I dont see anything unislamic by someone having preferences, telling people what they are looking for.
people have a right to find someone who meets their criteria, whether its looks, earnings, education, language, age, etc
Now the criteria may be unrealistic, or has a negative impact on others (who may have their own criteria)
A certain person I know from the khandaan, rejected a lot of people because of their education and income (no one with just an undergrad, no one who is making less than $X/year) , while sadly other people were rejecting this person based on looks. did a number on self esteem of this individual. In hindsight maybe if those ppl never met and then walked away, it may have been better.
having preferences is not an issue, having too many specific demands, some rather dodgy demands and rigidity around those is the issue.
it just cuts down the available pool very quickly which for some people backfires because they can't find the type of person they are looking for, and other good people dont make this short list because they were 2 inches shorter, or few pounds heavier, or 1 shade darker...$10K less income.
Re: How Islamic is the Pakistani Rishta Process?
Please also state that whatever you wrote is your personal opinion. I know arguing on this is a lost cause really so I won't. But stating opinion as a fact/ law/truth is quite misleading IMHO.
LOL there are plenty of articles online stating the islamic perspective. This "not seeing each other before marriage" is still a common problem even with some desis living abroad so there are articles by religious scholars that you can find you do a search. Or in the Quran.
Obviously, those were opinions. Most posts on here are. I don't feel the need to preface every sentence with "My opinion is..."
Re: How Islamic is the Pakistani Rishta Process?
All those who are referencing the Quran can you please quote the ayat? I have been looking for it but can't find it.
Re: How Islamic is the Pakistani Rishta Process?
All those who are referencing the Quran can you please quote the ayat? I have been looking for it but can't find it.
I've been asking the same question but so far there hasn't been any reference to the ayat, surah or even the juz for that matter.
Re: How Islamic is the Pakistani Rishta Process?
^
That's why I said its a lost cause, actually.
I often see the "it's in Quran..." Thrown around without any back up or reference. As Muslims, we should be really careful when using Quran or Hadith in such matters.
I would humbly suggest we all start reading the translation little by little to find out ourselves, what exactly there is in Quran. And before anyone suggests I'm trying to show "holier than thou" attitude, please note I confess I've probably the least knowledge among all of you. It's inly that I find it disturbing that we take it so lightly to refer to Quran. The compulsion to seek knowledge is for the knowledge of Quran actually. unfortunately we have read hundreds of books, we can understand books in more than one languages, however we don't understand the book which was sent down for us to take note and live accordingly. I'm not blaming, it's a confession actually.
Since the topic of this thread questions about "how Islamic..." Let's find out in the month of Quran.
May we all be guided to the right path.
Re: How Islamic is the Pakistani Rishta Process?
I cannot fathom how anyone can disagree with PCG on our religious hypocrisy. We focus on the visible, but when it comes to paying tax, not asking for sifarish, doing everything legally, morally, without cheating and lying, we often forget Islam. Obviously not everyone in Pakistan is like this, but most in the middle and upper classes are.
However, the process doesn't have to be as bad as PCG suggests. Height, age, education are just starters. This is basic biographical information which is easy to get and then you get into personality and compatibility issues. Just because the process starts with some superficial stuff doesn't mean it has to be all about it.
Re: How Islamic is the Pakistani Rishta Process?
The story of Musa AS getting married is in the Quran. Surah Al Qasas. The evidence for a couple being allowed to talk to each other with chaperones before deciding on marriage is actually in hadith. There are quite a few hadith which detail how you should go about looking for a spouse.