I hope this is in the right place.
I’ve been married for just over 4 years and I have two younger SILs. One is 20, the other one is 17. There both in Karachi, where my in-laws live, whereas I’m in the UK.
My MIL bless her would rather not deal with the pending issue of looking for potential matches for the 20 year old (I think the 17 year old is a tad bit too young to be getting married). Weddings cost money, finding a decent ristaa takes time so forward planning in vital for us.
My problem is, we’d like to look into ristaas in the UK, as the plan would be for my in-laws (MIL & FIL) to move over to the UK so I can take care of them so we’d like to have my SIL here so she’s closer to her parents (the same would apply to the younger one too when time comes).
My social circle doesn’t contain many desi people here in the UK. I’m not sure how the best way is to move forward with looking for a partner for her? Do I look on those shaadi ristaa websites? Is there ‘aunties’ that work in the UK and can find foreign ristaas potential ristaas? It’s all very confusing. I won’t be able to travel to Pakistan for a while (pregnancy) so cannot find out if there is anyone in the area (where in-laws live) who organise ristaas.
My other issue is my SIL drops out of education after completing her ‘metric’ and enroled in a Madrassah only to drop out a few months later. She’s since attended sewing school (whatever that’s called in Pakistan) and prefers the homely life than going back into education-she loves cooking and sewing and generally in a homemaker type of girl. Will this hinder me finding a suitable match in the UK? Is education a big factor when people are looking for daughter-in-laws? Should we consider encouraging my SIL to return to college/private education?
Do families judge all of a girls family when they look at a potential match (e.g. will they judge myself, husband our standard of life, family in Pakistan etc??).
Any advice would be great, as I have no idea how to go forward with this.
Thank you!
Re: How is the best way to find ristaas for SILs
Yes, education is very important for Pakistani families , especially in the Western developed nations.
You're in the UK, which I hear has the highest population of Pakistani's outside of Pakistan. Just go to your local mosque and start meeting people or talk to the imam. They should be able to help you out.
To be honest, she is only 20, so I wouldn't be so concerned. My own SIL is almost 24 and my MIL is not concerned in the least. It will happen, when the time is right.
Thanks Candy Apple. I wouldn't worry, however it's not traditional within my in-laws for girls to marry older (23 is the average age) and I know my FIL may start to worry soon as he's retired now and wishes to see all his kids settled. MIL rarely worries about anything, and would happily leave issues to others whereas I feel if it's a family issue it should be addressed by family first-hope that makes sense.
Thank you fo the heads up on the Mosques-husband attends but I never really thought about them. I know Birmingham Central Mosque deals with ristaas-I'll have to check out if they are willing to register ristaas in Pakistan. I'll also look at sisters groups that are run via the mosque/other religious circles.
Re: How is the best way to find ristaas for SILs
You live in Birmingham? My husband has relatives there - we were there back in March for his cousins wedding. Birmingham has such a large Pakistani community....it's the one thing we really noticed, you feel like you are in Pakistan. You shouldnt have a problem. Try getting to know people in your community, I'm sure you have tons of Pakistani neighbours.
Re: How is the best way to find ristaas for SILs
the only thing is ppl might feel apprehensive about doing a rishta back home from a totally random family. in my experience nearly all the ppl i know in the uk who got married back home got married to guys/girls who were either relatives to start with or who they knew for a long time as family friends.
Candy Apple-I've now moved from Birmingham although that's where I'm from (I live quite close to it though thus thinking about contacting Birmingham Central Mosque.
Lipstick-that's what I was thinking. However I'm aware of a few people who've arranged ristaas for family abroad with totally random people from the UK but they won't give away any info on how they did it? That's why I was thinking online (e.g. one of those ristaa sites).