How important is financial security?

[Xtron]

Re: How important is financial security?

@madz124

When looking for a girl’s proposal, assuming the families’ financial situation is similar, what is the preference in general?

1. Do people look at the guy’s salary in relation to his family and how many people he has to support?

2. Do they consider if the girl earns an income and if so, do they want someone earning equal or higher than the girl?

I guess I am wondering because I personally would like someone whose income is in the ballpark area of what I make…someone whose future career prospects are promising (similar to my own … so as we both gain more experience, there will not be a huge gap in our earnings). I don’t feel it’s unreasonable to decline a proposal who makes “considerably” less income than I do (and who happens to be a few years older).

I am not superficial and I’m not going after people in the highest paying professions. My preference is just so that the guy would not be insecure in the future…also, I would like a somewhat comfortable life…and being a girl, if I have to take a career break in future, the guy can still support the family on his own without there being a sudden significant change in lifestyle.

HOWEVER, the problem I am having is, all these desi aunties who consider it their birth right to meddle in others’ affairs keep trying to brainwash my parents that your daughters make enough on their own so don’t give too much importance to the guy’s education or income. So, basically for their own daughters who are not very educated, they are searching for someone with a handsome salary. But for me, they are suggesting to lower our expectations because I earn myself. Is that not unfair that just because the girl is working, she shouldn’t expect financial security from the guy too?

Ps: I wouldn’t worry what others are saying, except it’s starting to influence my parents’ thinking. As a result, my family is having more arguments on this subject due to everyone prioritizing differently.

Madz. Why should you lower your expectation? You worked hard for where you’re and if someone or anyone is not up to your earning potential. I have seen many cases where and if a guy earned less than his wife…there have been many conflicts in their relationship. Now, i’ve also know of a case where he didn’t earn more than his wife but he is very happy with this marriage. His was love marriage so it is understandable. However, in arrange marriages..financial security does matter. And perhaps, your parents are probably saying that because they are worried. In any case, let your parents know that..Insha’Allah you will get married once you find suitable pal.

@Yasmine2

I humbly beg to differ on this point that education indicates his ability to be social…it’s not really education but innate personality, life experiences, & family culture that really make him who he is. Someone’s PhD or MD or JD doesn’t contribute to their EQ (emotional intelligence) or social abilities.

I completely agree!. Someone’s education level doesn’t determine if they are well versed in social situations or even interactions. I would like to add that…people should be judged according to their character and intention. And here i am talking about whether the person is mature in his approach of his life. I.e, has his priorities right.