They say American culture lacks moral values. They marry for a few nights stand and then they move on in search of someone else, again for a few nights stand.
Is it as ugly as it made to look?
Pakistani culture is saturated of moral values. Even if the couple has differences, they are meant to compromise instead of moving on.
Is it as good as it is made to look?
A couple should have compatibility to begin with. And once things start looking too ugly, they should part their ways instead of stepping into devil’s shoes. I have seen a few ladies going to spiritual healers to get taweez for their husbands. Mind you, taweez are not meant ‘to rectify things’, they are supposed to be malicious, meant to teach husband a lesson. Husbands cheat too, when they are not content. Even when things are comparatively better, i see couples that are too peevish with each other. They have problems with every little thing and they are not just not happy.
So, the social/moral/cultural constraint to not divorce and compromise is any fruitful?
I think it depends on the situation the couple is in.
-Like if they have kids
-If one likes the other
and stuff like that
but if they both just do not like each other and cannot stand it, divorce is the way
and there are many pakistani's that give and receive divorces.
to know about fruitfullness of long term compromises you gotta look at other facts
- impression on our kids due to short term relationship
- effect on family
and most importantly, how do you want to end up your life .. .. like those goras who are living with their animals/pets .. or someone human who at least know your +ve/-ve things and still living with you and "responding" to your questions
I don't think moral values can be generalized by location. You have all sorts of people living everywhere. You see such high morals and character in quite many goray, and you see absolute jungli jaahil desis. Its all about how you have been brought up, what morals have been instilled into your character. Basic humanity doesn't change with culture/religion etc.
And going to these peers fakeers is mere bullchit jahalat. And the taboos and constraints imposed by culture (or what has become our culture) are, again, BS. Basically it is lack of respect for rights and freedom. One should have the freedom of choice and decision, and laws to protect their rights. Forcing two people to live together doesn't do anyone any good.
Jeez jalpari you are all over the place in this thread.
Compromise is a necessity of life, something very few modern day young adults understand. Compromise denotes that you place the other person's feelings and desires well above your own. An essential aspect of love and friendship.
If you are unwilling to compromise in a relationship, your partner better start reevaluating the relationship pronto.
No marriage can survive without compromise. When you live with your other family members like parents , siblings , grandparents etc you compromise and same way you have to compromise in marriage too.
Compromise is about accepting each other faults and supporting each other emotionally & physically both. Compromise is not about putting up with abuse. I would say that one can even put up with abuse (emotional , verbal , physical) to an extent but too much of it can not and should not be accepted as a compromise esp when kids are involved. Because kids sense abuse and it affects their development and can even destroy their whole life.
Women are not the only beings who go to alims for Taweez , men also go yes they are few in numbers as compared to women. Allah has forbidden the use of witch craft . It's a big big sin. No body should resort to black magic as it can destroy relationships & lives. It's sick , really sick !
I really like what T1000 has written. If only both husband and wife can think that way , the marriage can become the biggest blessing.
No marriage can survive without compromise. When you live with your other family members like parents , siblings , grandparents etc you compromise and same way you have to compromise in marriage too.
Compromise is about accepting each other faults and supporting each other emotionally & physically both. Compromise is not about putting up with abuse. I would say that one can even put up with abuse (emotional , verbal , physical) to an extent but too much of it can not and should not be accepted as a compromise esp when kids are involved. Because kids sense abuse and it affects their development and can even destroy their whole life.
Women are not the only beings who go to alims for Taweez , men also go yes they are few in numbers as compared to women. Allah has forbidden the use of witch craft . It's a big big sin. No body should resort to black magic as it can destroy relationships & lives. It's sick , really sick !
I really like what T1000 has written. If only both husband and wife can think that way , the marriage can become the biggest blessing.
for me, the real charm in a relationship are those compromises. Sometime you do something that you don't like and sometime you get it in response. its all about acceptance of the disagreements .. just 'caz of the importance of the relationshp
^ men has the liberty and right of getting our marriage by just saying 3 words and they use it to make their wives compromise more or most in the marriage. Plus , like u said .....ending up alone if you don't compromise. Well many men don't think that way because they can always get another wife so they don't fear loosing the current one (unless the husband really loves his wife) because like people say ghar ghar larkian bheti hai so it's so easy to get another wife. So since a man can always get another wife if the current one is not behaving and acting the way he wants , men don't try enough to compromise.....they don't do it & they don't need it because it's not difficult for them to marry again. I don't think men end up alone in life.
no couple is 100% compatible and compromise is the beauty of life. I dont believe a relationship can even take a step without compromise. Even in West, long lasting marriages are based on compromise.
Personally I believe there should be a middle ground somewhere. Both west and east/Pakistani culture are extrem. I see "aab tumhari shadi ho gaee aur tum mar ker hee is ghar sai nikloo gii" as wrong as "I dont like your dog, I am sending you divorce papers".
do the western people really part away when things get "too ugly" .. or they part away when they feel that they have to compromise? .. .. there is a difference. When things get too ugly, then obviously you need a solution (it could be something else rather parting away) but western people don't part away for this ugliness they just part away since they are not used to of that compromised life .. .. not even a single bit ..
