Say you are seeing someone/getting to know someone through parents or on your own, for marriage prospects, at what point and how, do you as a female, initiate conversation that hints sexual interests etc?..GIVEN THAT the young man doesn’t initiate this conversation himself and keeping in mind that any conversation of this nature is to purely find out the degree of sexual interest of the person as well as what sexual interests this person has. After all, sexual chemistry IS an important concern, among other important factors of course.
Your thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated.
well i guess you need replies from females but being a guy, i'll still tell you how i am concerning this matter.
i'll ask about it in straight words. i know some people will say this is not how our culture is and bla bla bla, but hey, this is not a game. it's about your marriage and it should be clear before marriage IF sexual chemistry is a big deal to you. if it matters to me, instead of giving hints, i'll ask her in simple words whatever i'll want to ask. she might mind but atleast i'll be being clear instead of hints.
now since you are a girl, i know k aapko sharm aaey gee and all that, but i think you should ask it straight out if it has importance to you.
Dear moona, what do you mean by "sexual interest"? You mean like sodomic impulses or something?
Generally speaking, when men talk to a woman in such context, they usually intend to shag them at some later point of time. Just wanted to make sure you know that.
By "sexual interest" do you mean to find out if the other person is sexually attracted to you or do you mean to find out his sexual history and experience?
Because if its the former, I gotta tell you, men are not picky. :~P
Shikra, thank you for your mature response but it’s not that mujhe sharam-varam aaye gi…not at all…yet I do want to be tactful and discuss this topic in a non-forthcoming manner you know, especially as I wouldn’t know off the bat how he might take the fact that I bring it up to begin with. So in that context, what do you suggest might be the “right” way of tackling this topic?
Faisal, by “sexual interest” I mean: what degree of sexual interest does he show in me AND in sex itself!
Once he passes Asif M Ali's patented test, run as fast as you can, in the opposite direction.
But seriously, sex is a subject best discussed with some degree of discretion. Openly asking questions ruins the finer aspect of this so enjoyable drive blessed to human beings. Be tastefull in your choice of words. Ask him what he enjoyed most in the past (if there is anything to draw results from). Ask him about his expectations from his spouse. If he seems hesitant, tell him something about yourself that you have always fantasized about. It should open him up.
Let me know if I am answering your query right. I can add to this later on.
by "sexual interest" I mean: what degree of sexual interest does he show in me
Ms moona,
I'm still a bit confused. Do you mean that there are degrees of "sexual interest" that a man can have in you? Are you implying that, given the fact that you're quite attractive, has a lot to offer, etc, etc, a man's sexual interest in you can still be questionable or doubtful to the degree where it'd be important for you to know if there are, in fact, such degrees that existeth, and if so, what degree of his interest you fiteth in?
What do you consider a "good degree of sexual interest"?
again, if i were you, i would ask straight out because like i said before, this is the matter of spending your life with someone. if he’s not interested in you sexually and he’s only interested so you would be fulfilling a typical wife’s duties, take care of him and his kids, then you should think it over. i am not saying that you should disobey him by refusing to other things, but if sex seems to be an important issue to you, discuss it BEFORE MARRIAGE. it’s better to ask before than having the guilt of not asking later on in your life.
p.s. i am sorry i am not too good at explaining things
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*Originally posted by moona: *
Thank you for your responses, gupsters. Appreciate it. :)
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Moona, I think this is a very interesting and an informative topic that you have posted. Coming from a culture (muslim/pakistani) that prefers to censor details on sex or perhaps even the word "sex," it may become difficult to pose such questions as yours to a prospective mate. Like funguy said, you can somehow touch upon the topic by asking him about his "expectations" in "all forms" from a wife. Hopefully, he will mention the love life :)
Well, I think that if there is physical attraction then there will be a natural liking for performing sex with one another. In most cases, we're biologically programmed that way.
Thus, since thru history, people haven't bought the "sex" subject to the table every time, I dont think its necessary to even bring it up. If you're in love and you're physically attracted to each other, then the sex will be great no matter what others think of your physique.
Secondly, if you want to ask him about what types of positions he's interested in, etc...like if you're uncomfortable with anal sex or something and you want it to be out in the open before he tries marital rape (hey it happens), then that definitely should just be discussed directly.
As to how to get the ball rolling, just tell him to his face, "if we're going to get married, this is an issue I'd like to discuss" and see what his reaction is. If he acts like an idiot, then let the rishtaa go or wait for him to come around.
yes. 6 months is A LOT. when you marry, it’s hard to resists because you’ve already waited for that so many years and now that she’s right infront of you, you will refuse? i don’t think so i don’t think any guy will do that.
men are idiots, they can't hide their feelings especially lust. So if he is attracted towards you he won't keep his mouth shut ;). will tell you before you are ready to know that.
+++ don't worry. If he is a MAN , he will sure be attracted towards you.Men can't even stop lusting cows and dogs than why would he resist a woman. Don't worry about attraction issue, he will like you ;) ;)
I think one thing that needs to be discussed is whether a child is wanted or the couple should wait. I think that might also be a good lead-in to that type of conversation where sex is discussed.
i don’t think any guy will do that.