So how do you get yourself to trust somebody you don’t really know that well.
Like i have this proposal of a guy who is divorced and has told the reason, but this is only his side of the story. I don’t have issues considering the divorced guy if all other things matches, but how do i trust the reasons he has given for the divorce, given that i don’t know the other side of the story.
I don’t know the guy well so i cant say if he is the honest sort who would not lie about his past relationship. I am pretty confused at the moment, and need to know if any of you have gone through this stage and how you begin to trust.
If i do an isthikara and if it gives me satisfaction, then does that mean that the reason guy has told is true, and i can go ahead with him?
Re: How do you trust…
.Most of the Pakistani women want marriage to work and men don’t have as many consequences. What are the reasons he gave you, how long were they married for, is his family very involved in his life. The biggest problems in desi marriages arrive from misogyny, anger issues, lack of respect, stubbornness, ego etc. Ask his views about women rights, helping at home, changing diapers, doing dishes, laundry, wife having her mom and sister stay over for a few weeks. Ask him if your parents got sick would you be allowed to take care of them etc. You have to know if he sees women as equals. I can grill him for you if you like.
Is he more conservative or modern? would you be able to talk to the other party, there could also be court records, police records. If he did chaanta baazi then he might have a record.
Re: How do you trust…
Encourage him to talk, ask open-ended questions, ask him to talk about his friends, ask him about what he likes, what he hates, what makes him happy, what makes him angry. Ask him about the time he got really angry. Ask him about how he wants to raise kids and what are his views on discipline and if a child is not listening how he would deal with that. Making the other party comfortable and talking for a long time is the key to getting them to talk…they give you clues when they talk like motor mouths.
Re: How do you trust…
mausoof meN sharaafat kaa unsar dekhiye…jis qadar vo shareef hogaa usii qadar azdawaajii zindagii paaidaar hogii. his family history would give you a fairly good assessment of him.
Re: How do you trust…
If he takes zero responsibility it’s a red flag. If he’s more introspective and talks about how things could have been managed from his part then you’re dealing with a more truthful person.
Re: How do you trust…
Why don’t you just get to know him a bit better?
Re: How do you trust…
the reasons he gave were pretty much the ones which you hear these days. like lack of compatibility, both partners having short tempers. etc. the family were not involved much is what i got to hear from him. over the last week, i have got to know his views on some of the things you have mentioned and they are kind of similar to my own views, so no problem there but i still can gauge as to what he has told about his previous marriage is true or not.
Re: How do you trust…
[quote=“Deeba1234”]
Why don’t you just get to know him a bit better?/QUOTE
i can, but don’t you think that in most of the rishta scenarios guys can be pretentious? so it again bring me down to the question as how to trust?