wrong
no need for datin shating..hum to direct shaadi kertay hain
But isn’t it annoying? To be “comitted” to one person for prolonged periods of time?
Plus the extra time and energy in “service” costs.
You have to call them regularly, you have to make sure you conferr with them over trivial matters etc etc. birthdays, aniversaries, births (?)
And what if they refuse the threesome (haraam :nono: ) then you’re subject to weeks if not months of mental torture, an art form only mastered by the other half.
Perpetual compromise and arduous mental labouring? no thanks.
There is reasoning behind everything, god wanted to save us the hassle of awkward first dates.
Is it wrong to have a boyfriend or a girlfriend?
I don’t advocate dating for the sake of dating itself, as our western counterparts tend to but, in my opinion, it’s alright to be discreetly out and about with a person and to get to know him/her seriously in terms of a marriage prospect.
^yeh get to know them better and become physical with them and later break up with them and move on to a different one...haram haram haram..desi guys are so harami that they can't be trusted..they'd do anything and everything to become intimate with the girl and yeh ofcourse dump them most of the times
It’s a sin, even looking at a woman (except for spouse) with lust is a sin, but I’ve got no room to talk, I’m not condemning those who do date, I’m just pointing out it’s wrong and we shouldn’t justify it, I’ve had a few girlfriends and recently did Nikaah with one because she became a Muslim and I liked her… Insaan khata ka putla hai lekin hamara Rabb maaf karney waala Ghafoor ur-Raheem hai… Instead of justifying our sin we should realise it and hope and try to repent…
Our religion is so perfect, the need for love and sex is natural like food, water and shelter and our religion allows us to fulfil these needs in a permissible way but society makes it so hard, saying we have to become a daaktar and pehlay apna career banao and bla bla bla… how the hell are you suppose to do that when you’re feeling frustrated? Our Prophet (sallallaho alayhe wassallam) told us to marry young to guard our chastity… that’s why the best way to avoid gf-bf bull is to marry early.
Here's an Article I found, some people might find it useful, thought I'd share...
[quote]
Preventing the G-B Relationship
Zina (fornication) has become a commonplace occurrence within the Muslim Youth community, and the Muslim girls and boys have sadly fallen prey to the snares of Western society. You may wonder how can such a situation occur when most Muslim parents virtually put their children under 'lock and key'. The answer is that although most parents are strict where their children are concerned, they do not take the time to talk and explain to them about the seriousness of Zina. Instead, they give a Fatwa of "no boyfriend" when their daughters reach puberty. Such an action is like ordering a two year old child not to touch the power point. What do you think the child will do?
The following article highlights ways in which we can teach our children to shun this corrupt act.
In Islam, there is no such thing as a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. You are either married or you are not. This is what we have to ingrain into our children at the early stage. We should not wait for them to come to us when they are teenagers to ask about girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. At this late stage, even if we forbid them to have such a relationship, how certain are we that they will obey us if they are smitten by someone? Hence, it is important that we teach our children that the only time a girl or boy can have a relationship with a non-Mahatma (non-Mahatma is someone whom they can marry) is when they are married! Furthermore, if a girl or boy enters into a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship then he/she is entering into a pre-marital relationship.
At the teenage level, we should not be shy to teach them the severity of pre-marital relationship. We need to make them understand that that pre-marital relationships are like the extra-marital relationships, or what is commonly known as adultery or 'an affair'. It ruins the community by corrupting the people. It unleashes base desires that, once allowed free-reign, will destroy families. We can quote to them the examples of illegitimate and abandoned children, broken homes, abortions, sexual diseases - the list goes on. We should also point out to them the punishment for sexual relationships outside of marriage: Ibn Masoud (r.a.a) related that Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) said, "The blood of a Muslim may not be legally spilt other than in one of three instances: the married person who commits adultery, a life for a life, and one who forsakes his religion and abandons the community." [Bukhari and Muslim]. In other words, the married person who commits adultery is to be killed by stoning to death [Muslim].
But what about the unmarried person who has sexual relationships? Rest assured that this person will not go unpunished - he or she is to be caned or whipped one hundred times [Muslim]. Even in the Hereafter, the punishment is severe: the Prophet (s.a.w) saw adulterers, men and women, in a baking oven in Hellfire [Bukhari].
At this stage your teenage child may say that girlfriend-boyfriend relationships need not go as far as the sexual act; that they can control themselves and simply enjoy each others company. To counter this, you say that it is a fact when a girl and a boy are alone together, their sexual desires awaken and before they know it, they will be doing things that are not permissible between unmarried people. The reason for this is because Shaytaan will be the third person with them [Ahmad] and he will whisper and tempt them with the forbidden. This is why Islam shuns all avenues leading to corruption of the mind, body and soul.
Something else we must teach them is to restrain their desires. We can do so by giving them examples of the rewards for doing so, such as the person who controls his lust will be among people who Allah bestows mercy upon: Abu Hurairah (r.a.a) narrated that Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) said that among the seven persons whom Allah will shade in His Shade on the Day (of Judgement) when there is no shade except His Shade, is a man who is tempted by a beautiful woman and refuses to respond for fear of Allah. [Bukhari and Muslim].
Below are more points on how to help your child, at an early age, to be chaste so that when he/she is older, he/she can avoid getting into a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. First, you must talk and explain to them these things when they are young, then when they are older, you make sure that it is put into practice.
You must teach him or her to:
Not to freely mix with the opposite sex.
Not to look at the opposite sex. This is done by lowering or averting their eyes as Allah tells us: "Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and to protect their private parts. That is purer for them. Verily Allah is All-Aware of what they do. And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and protect their private parts..." [24:30-31] Furthermore, Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) said, "...do not let a second look follow the first. The first look is allowed to you but not the second." [Ahmad, Abu Dawood, at-Tirmidhi]. What this means is that the first look is by accident. If this happens then do not take a second look. Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) also said that the eyes also commit adultery by looking at someone with lust. [Bukhari]
For girls, teach them not to make their voices seductive or sweet in front of non-Mahatma. This is done by lowering the voice and not flirting. As Allah tells the wives of Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) "...do not be too pleasant of speech, lest one in whose heart there is a disease should feel desire for you..." [33:32]
Last but not least, teach them to wear appropriate clothing so as not to draw attention to themselves. That is, girls should wear Hijabs and loose clothing while boys should also wear loose clothing, not the tight jeans or pants with t-shirt tucked in. It is sad that, often, parents allow their children to wear the so called fashionclothing which, in most cases, do not meet the requirement of acceptable Islamic dress code. What is even sadder is to see Muslim mothers covering themselves properly walking with their uncovered teenage daughters and sons.
It is important that we start teaching our children the need to feel modesty, especially around the opposite sex. Regarding shyness, we should use the Prophet (s.a.w) as an example: Abu Said Al Khudri (r.a.a) reported that the Prophet (s.a.w) was more shy than a virgin in her own room. [Bukhari] If we instill this into them at an early age then, Insha' Allah, whenever they are near the vicinity of the opposite sex, they will feel shy and, therefore, will not act inappropriately. It is also important that we keep the communication channels open with our children so that we can talk and explain to them things, and they can ask us questions, without any party feeling embarrassed. Then, when they are older, and with help from us, they will begin to understand why it is that there cannot be a thing called 'the girlfriend-boyfriend relationship'.
In the next issue, Insha' Allah, we will discuss the ways in which parents can deal with the situation when they have discovered that their daughter or son is in a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship.
[/quote]
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Dhulfiqar: *
Here's an Article I found, some people might find it useful, thought I'd share...
[/QUOTE]
After reading your looooong article, I am very tempted to look further into these G-B relationships. I especially like the bullet item 1: Not to freely mix with the opposite sex.
This "freely" mixing with the opposite sex must be a lot of fun. :D
Re: HOw do you think about have a Gf or a BF? Is it wrong or it's Ok?
i think having a boyfriend is good, if
1) he is caring ,sincere and willing
2) ur relationship is smooth and not dragging.
There is nothing wrong with loving someone. Having a gf or bf is perfectly fine in my book. Now this is gonna alarm the maulavis and stuff.. but by dating I don't mean sleeping with the person( strictly against any such thing b4 marriage).. just means talking, laughing, holding hands, watching movies together etc.
I agree with sweetpie, as well as sheraz to some extent cause guys mostly do and say whatever to make girls beleive they will marry them.
chandbeti ki theek kehti hein.
for me its ok, as long as you its only for marriage purposes, and no physical thing before marriage. meeting for the purpose of marrying someone is not a bad thing.
^^i agree. i think it's premarital sex that's specifically problematic.
i don't think we're expected to marry strangers, so getting to know a significant other isn't a bad thing. also, i assume the gf/bf relationship is heading toward marriage. if not, then i'm not sure if it's okay.
i think as long as ur interaction is within decent limits there is nothing wrong with getting to know and being friends with ppl of the opposite gender...times r changing and even if ideally we would want total segregation, for a lot of us thats just nor practical anymore...
if u have guys in ur workplace for example, what r u gona do, not talk to them or not sit at the lunch table when everyone is having lunch??? in order to not appear antisocial and unfriendly u have to mingle to a certain extent atleast, but i think the best way is to be very decent and always maintain a cerain level of reserve, plus never get emotionally involved...
^^ agree :-)
What kind of schmuck gets "emotionally involved" over a plate of Biryani and raaita?
^ lol
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Chandbeti: *
There is nothing wrong with loving someone. Having a gf or bf is perfectly fine in my book. Now this is gonna alarm the maulavis and stuff.. but by dating I don't mean sleeping with the person( strictly against any such thing b4 marriage).. just means talking, laughing, holding hands, watching movies together etc.
[/QUOTE]
You're right, there is nothing wrong with loving someone. In fact, everyone should love each other for the sake of Allah.
As far as "dating" is concerned, there is a proper way of being with someone you love and an improper way. The proper way would be to be in a public setting and having a third person (i.e. a mahram) along as a precaution. The improper thing would be being alone, holding hands, hugging, and basically being physical in any way.
I find it sad that some people look down on those people who try to practice the beautiful religion of Islam. Just because one wants to be all Western (since that seems to be the goal of so many Pakistanis) doesn't mean they should forget their religion. One can be modern along with trying to be a good Muslim.
It's impossible to be a perfect Muslim, since we're all human beings and Shaitaan is constantly out to get us. At the same time, I think one should have enough respect for one's faith to accept its rules, whether the person follows them or not. Of course it isn't enough to just say "Yeah, we're not supposed to do this and that in Islam but I'm still gonna do it because of so and so reason and I think Islam is a 'backwards' religion", etc. Instead, I think people should accept the rules and even if they aren't following them, pray to Allah to give them hidayat.
People tend to forget their purpose in life and as a result we tend to dwell on worldly affairs (i.e. the obsession of so many Muslims to be "Western", which leads them to do many unIslamic things).
It's sad how there's a growing trend of Muslim youth that were born and raised in N.America who are turning towards Islam and trying to be more practicing, while Muslims in so-called "Muslim" countries are constantly striving to be like non-Muslims.
^^ Best reply so far, and agree totally
larki sis :k: :k: :k: