Hi, was hoping if any of you girlies could give me different perspectives on the issue of marriage and actually saying yes to someone.
Basically im going to graduate from university this year and recently my family have been going on about getting me married. My mum says she has found someone really good and so on. But my reaction to this, is ‘dont talk to me about marriage…’ just being angry and sometimes rude. I don’t mean too, but the real issue is i find it hard to say ‘yes’ to someone. Even in the past if guys have asked me out or so on..i have never said yes simply because i was scared to take that step.
So how can i say yes to a stranger? Yes i will get to know him once i say yes or what not. But i can never see myself saying yes. Of course i want to get married but just not this way. Before anyone says fairytales are not true and so on…sometimes they are. Lol doesn’t mean im deluded, im just waiting for that someone who i know for sure i can spend the rest of my life with. How can i talk to someone for like a few months and know that yes i will be able to spend the rest of my life with that person.
I just don’t know what to do now. Since i know my family really want me to get married-i guess to them i am ‘old’. Lol sometimes i feel old yes, considering alot my younger cousins are married with kids! but that just isn’t me.
Can anyone share any perspectives on this? How did u feel when u had to say yes to rishtas?
1- I have friends in a similar dillema as you … saying yes is the issue… From their experience I have learnt that they are playing tom and jerry with their fears ! They dont have the courage to say yes to a rishta or even if a guy tries to approach them .. so where is a friendship gonna begin from? you end it even before anything starts , your fear takes over you :hinna:
Either get ready to accept your parents choice or tell yourself that you will genuinely consider a good guy’s approach as potential spouse. other wise continue to play tom and jerry with your wishes and fears
2- Its very true when they say it takes a lifetime to get to know someone… sometimes even those let us down who we have known since years … keep that in mind .. saying yes to seeing the rishta is the first step, if you like what you see , request your parents for a few more meetings with him and his family before formalizing anything… saying yes to the seeing the rishta doesnt mean you are under pressure to say yes for the shadi with him too !
They are your parents , they will be satisfied that you are taking equal interest and then when you ask for time to get to know the family and the boy better they will understand your plight. Trust me they will.
Therefore, get rid of your fear … and say YES … fairy tales exist but happen once in a while … plus i am the greatest believer of the fact that WE ourselves make our lives beautiful … its only how you see it that makes all the difference in the world and it can turn a perfectly ordinarr arranged marriage into a fairy tale one that people remember for years …
Thanks so much for taking the time to reply back in such detail. It is so true what you say, people like me, we end it before we can actually let anything happen. But then i think whatever is meant to be will be…
Yeah i think maybe i time, i will allow myself to take the next step and actually saying yes. Lol i say that but i know when the time comes, ill only refuse or run away from the guy! haha
I usually just read and go to the next one but I think it would be wrong to do this as I have been where you are now and at 29, and retrospection (if that is a word) there is a fear (as ChikB) said that will cause you to reject nice suitable guys..
I am at a place where I just feel that it is the right time to marry and I am open to meeting and getting to know potential rishta's
What I would advise is that it gets harder with age and I'd be open to getting to know these guys
I come from a reserved and conservative mahaul where sometimes family assume that you should be able to say yes to a guy after a few meetings but I think enforcing the issue that you want to get to know him better is not wrong
Finally.. it is out of your hands and thankfully in better and safer hands than anyone which is ALLAH's..
Only ALLAH knows what is best and INSHALLAH if it works out or not.. remember there is a reason behind it all
Pray and pray ISTIKHARA .. InshALLAH it will all work out.
