I mean something effective. My parents never hit me. There was a time when I was little and my elder brother and I wanted to clean for our parents so we just picked a household cleaner and “cleaned” my parents wood bedroom furniture. We found out later that using oven cleaner to clean wood furniture is not a good idea and even then my parents didn’t hit us. Armoire was ruined in all the places we sprayed oven cleaner. It was clearly a situation of we were trying to be good but we messed up hugely.
I saw a little girl(9 or 10) who was a total bully with her mother at an event. She just had to use her mother’s video camera and snatched it out of her hand. The mother was taking videos of the event and there were important videos from the past saved on it that the little girl deleted without asking to make room so she can record her own videos during the event. I heard the mother scold her by saying if you don’t give back the camera i’m going to punish you but that still didn’t work. That sort of behavior would be anger causing and I don’t think I can be calm. I most likely would need a lot of hours of alone time to deal with what’s been done that can’t be undone.
How do you all seasoned parents deal with such behavior or how do you view the situation so you don’t end up getting angry at your child?
I call it... "face the wall" and it terrifies my son. All he does is... well, faces the wall. Not allowed to do anything else. It's kind of a timeout... we only use it when he does something really out of line. I'm not against spanking, he's gotten a few swats on his butt. It's rarely gotten to spanking cos he's so afraid of facing the wall lol.
Anyway, he's only 2... but usually asking him whats wrong and explaining the proper way to do something (when he behaves badly) fixes it and 9/10 times he behaves wonderfully when that situation arises. I think this all depends on consistency and having a good relationship with ur child from day one.
I believe in power of love. Never punished my kids. They turned out to be fine. They can tell what is right and what is wrong. What is the right thing to do. In some cases they know what they are doing is not the right choice and I guide them to the right path , ultimately they make the right choice.
We never punish either, no matter what. I have used timeouts in the past but only a handful times, but never really have had to for a while. Alhamdulilah my kids are very easy going, good and polite. But like Mirch says, I explain the right from wrong and take it from there. As long as they are not hurting themselves or anyone that's all I care about, as goes for talking back to me, my 5 and 4 years old girls do that to the both of us, and we take it very lightly but also explain what is expected out of them, (i.e. small chores/following routine) we talk out whatever differences we have ATM LOL. And tbh I personally believe its ONLY our business, no one should have an objection to how the mom/dad were spoken to
I'm with RG and Mirch bhai. Never laid a hand on my kids. We don't believe in hitting/violence as forms of punishment.
My kids are little but they can be a handful! My 4 year old and 2 year old know "the look". It always works! And counting to 5 lol ... they will always listen to me when I do the countdown :D
Never had to punish mine either......never a hand was laid on her. She has been scolded but for the most part when she was a toddler all I had to do was count (e.g. 1...........2........) and she knew that if I ever got to 3 something terrible would happen....like a time-out. I never made it to 3 and rarely did I get to 2.
Nowadays (she's almost 12 mA) and a stern look suffices. If there is a major issue that I notice or is brought to my attention then we have a talk alone where behaviour is questioned and explanations offered from both sides.
It has never been about "punishment" but learning and discipline.
I think the world will punish our children enough in its own way.....we don't need to do it at home.
I am strong opponent of "doo hath lagana" to kids. Getting physical just means you do not believe on your communication and parental skills. Begum on the other hand does not mind a spank here, a spank there sometimes even more than that and that has always been a bone of contention b/w us (not in front of kids though). She do realize that so now its my primary responsibility to discipline kids. I rarely have to discipline my older one (12yo son). He is a good guy, its little princess who keeps on my toes.
I give them timeout of their favorite activity such as their tablet is taken for some period depending on the severity of the offence. For little one, she has a best best best friend, and I do not allow her to go play with her friend for a day or two till she realize her mistake.
Secondly, I never punish them for "first offence". Punishment is just for repeated offence. First offence only remand a talk. Kids should never be punished for first offence (they did not know about) or for accidents. I have seen mother/father going crazy after kids coz he broke the glass or plate which is ridiculous.
Remember we hit kids coz they cant hit back and that's why its abuse. We make unfair use of our position. Try slapping the shopkeeper next time who you get into argument with and see what happens.
I feel like i have to explain this...if ur immediate reaction to a child's bad behavior is "do haath lagana"...that's abuse, it's done out of anger without thinking of the effect on the child. Spanking is punishment in a controlled environment... it's a consequence to a bad behavior, just like timeouts etc. U have to make it clear to ur child that if he/she crosses a certain line.. u will get a spanking. My son is 2.5 yrs old... speaks, understand when he is told not to do something. But when he repeatedly sticks his toys and fingers in the radiator or takes off the outlet cover to do the same, i give him 3 chances. First i distract and explain why he's not meant to do it, second is telling him off sternly, third time is timeout. If he still doesn't get it... he gets a swat on his butt or his hand. He pushed it this far twice with the outlet thing and now he avoids it completely.
To say that spanking is 'hittting' their kids, not knowing how to communicate with them or that they 'abuse' their kids is kind of offensive, IMO.
I am not entirely averse to giving a swat for a repeated offense and dheetai. Don't know if my views will change later on if and when I have a kid. Using it liberally and as a first resort, I don't agree with. But I have heard parents....even teachers....admit to spanking their kids and I didn't think they were bad parents.
I may receive flak for this, but here goes: While I wouldn't discipline someone else's kid as it's not my place to do so, I will admit to thinking and "wishing* to myself that a very ornery, or persistently badtameez and dheet kid could use a swat from their parent or two. Gasp.
I'm curious....what motivates a child to repeatedly cross the same line?
I gotta believe that a lot of it is curiosity as opposed to being "dheet" but why do kids challenge those boundaries that we lay out for them? What is the psychology behind it?
Particularly when they have been threatened with dire consequences.....
Another reason why I don't believe in spanking is more often than not, a child's unruly behaviour is the result of a parent's inaction at some point in time.....
my son is 3.5 and my voice and time-out corner is the most effective punishment. Time out works like a charm...within 2-3 minutes he will stop acting crazy and do as told.