Re: How do you move on
It takes time. You have to keep busy. Occupy your time with various worldly and spiritual activities. I feel the spiritual is a necessary component. You could throw yourself into your work, hit the gym, watch a movie, read a book and these things will help to an extent…but what really anchors you emotionally is taking time out each day to connect with Allah. And one of the best ways to do that is dhikr and in particular what helped me was reciting darood. I would recite it on my drive to work and then on my way back home…even during work at times…at home…while walking, or doing chores, etc etc. I would persist at it and the recitation keeps your tongue and your mind occupied. There are spiritual blessings in the parhaai you do and over time you feel the effects of it…it can make you internally stronger and change your perspective on whatever it was that once consumed your heart.
You may not be able to control how you feel. It takes times for feelings to reduce in intensity and then to fizzle out altogether. But what you can control is what you do with those feelings. You may really like this guy and you might not be able to control those feelings…but you are able to control yourself from “going back to him.” It all depends on whether you want to or not. You can’t help liking a particular food, but you do have the power to not eat it, or go give it away, or to to eat less of it. Maybe that’s not the best analogy, lol. But you can always choose to delete his number, get rid of his pictures, etc etc. It all boils down to whether or not you want to.
Why is keeping him in your life a “farz” for you? Is it some religious or moral farz for you to maintain contact/relations with him? It isn’t. It’s only you that you have placed him on a pedestal to where he has become almost as necessary as paani or oxygen. No worldly relation or blessing is permanent. The people you hold so dear in your life can move away, break up with you, they can die. Even things like wealth, health, youth, fame/izzat, career…none of these are permanent. They come with ups and downs and losses…irreversible loss even. That’s why none of these things are the real purpose for which we were created. We were not meant to attach our hearts so strongly and deeply to worldly things that are not permanent. It’s only Allah that’s permanent and unto Him is our return. So, it is to Him that we should attach our hearts to. When you hold on to something stable, something that has a 100% guarantee, you feel secure. When you hold on to something that is not stable…that has no guarantee…you become unstable. Like holding onto a branch that 's swaying in the wind, you’re going to end up swaying with it. This guy is like that flimsy branch in the wind. And the higher up on the tree that branch is…the more it’s going to hurt when it breaks and falls. In other words, the harder you hold on to him…or the thought of him…the higher and higher your emotional/mental climb will be…the more difficult/painful it will become when you are forced to let go. One thought that has crossed my mind is that one gives so much of their heart…their emotional energy…might even lose their sanity and sleep over a person…but for what? What have they done for you that warrants so much inner devotion or allegiance from us? Have they raised us? Have they risked their lives for us? Paid our bills? Done us some immense favor/ehsaan that is hard to pay back? Most of the time the answer to these questions is a “No.” So if we lose ourselves for someone whose existence has not really made a profound impact on our lives…then how would we react if ..God Forbid…we were to permanently lose the people in our lives who truly have shown us love, who have always been there…such as our parents. I don’t know how to explain myself. But if one can feel so intensely about the loss of some guy or girl …what would one do if they lost an immediate family member? I’m not saying this to mock you. I have been through my share of heartache so that’s why I’m posing this question to you. This question gave me some food for thought, it helped to shift my perspective. And maybe it might help you too. “Started meaning so much”…he has only “started” meaning so much to you. There are other relations in your life that are more worthy of the attention/energy that your spending on this guy…and first and foremost is your relation with Allah…the One who has given us much without us asking…when we are so negligent toward Him and so undeserving. We tend to exert more of our hearts toward other pursuits than towards Him.
So, in the grand scheme of things…looking at your whole life…what profoundly meaningful things or contributions or sacrifices…has this guy done for you that make him soooooo deserving of your time and tears and heartache? If you can’t think of a good enough answer then start channeling that energy toward more meaningful pursuits. First and foremost, use the time you spend thinking of him…toward connecting with Allah. He made you, so He knows you, and He can heal you.