Re: How do you handle backbiters or people that attack a person's character?
At our workplace there are always rumours which spread because people talk!
Not just the staff but also the management, and thinks spread like fire.......
I try my best not to listen or believe these things most of the time as they are all hearsay.
Re: How do you handle backbiters or people that attack a person's character?
Ignore it :-))
How do you handle backbiters or people that attack a person's character?
Sometimes it's really hard to ignore or even handle it. But that's all you can do. I hear a lot of things people have said about me in a new city, all I can say in my defense is that I am really misunderstood and only my close friends know I'm not like this or that. Auntys have said a lot of crap based on lies and I just stopped going certain places and seeing certain people who I found out we're speaking about me. After a while I noticed it got old and they had moved on from us to other people so it is full circle. I notice the more you say the more people take it and run so less is better and after a while those same people will get bored and move onto another victim when they notice your not participating in their fun. It is very very malicious and hurtful indeed because it usually comes from ppl you trust the most so I've learned overtime to not let those people affect you as hard it is, keep on keeping on.. If that helps. :) but I also don't believe that the truth always prevails, the honest ones are the quiet ones and the backbiters and liars tend be to be most loudly heard and influential unfortunately as sad as it is. If your positive and honest with everyone then you have a clear conscience and nothing to worry about, let people be in their own misery.
Re: How do you handle backbiters or people that attack a person's character?
A relative of mine is currently distraught because one person in her social circle is turning others against her. I believe it's only a matter of time before the loyal followers see this one troublemaker with greater clarity. It's only a matter of time before yet another person gets hurt by this one troublemaker's ego and scheming. A few woke up a long time ago and now keep their distance. A bad habit...whether it's gossiping or manipulating one person against another (fitna)...will eventually catch-up with its owner in a big way and be an eye-opener for others. Like they say, can't fool all the people all of the time.
Re: How do you handle backbiters or people that attack a person's character?
malicious gossipers? At work or in a social gathering?
Seeing examples of "idle hands are the devil's workshop".
Do you confront or stand up against it?
At my workplace people gossip about others alot and cause I get on with everyone I try not to get involved and stay mutual. I try and get them to change the subject or i'll show how disinterested I am in this conversation.
I know if I told the other person x said this, it'll eventually get back to me and i'll look like the bad guy who's trying to create problems. There's only 2 people in my workplace who's back I have. If anyone said anything bad about either of them in front of me, I would put them straight right there and tell x that this person said that cause I know they have my back and I have theirs and at work, you need a couple of people to have your back.
With regards to personal "friends", I don't care much anymore. They can all stab each other in the back for all I care. I'll even try and add to it if I can to get more gossip going. I'm not loyal to any of them anymore.
Re: How do you handle backbiters or people that attack a person's character?
At my workplace people gossip about others alot and cause I get on with everyone I try not to get involved and stay mutual. I try and get them to change the subject or i'll show how disinterested I am in this conversation.
I know if I told the other person x said this, it'll eventually get back to me and i'll look like the bad guy who's trying to create problems. There's only 2 people in my workplace who's back I have. If anyone said anything bad about either of them in front of me, I would put them straight right there and tell x that this person said that cause I know they have my back and I have theirs and at work, you need a couple of people to have your back.
With regards to personal "friends", I don't care much anymore. They can all stab each other in the back for all I care. I'll even try and add to it if I can to get more gossip going. I'm not loyal to any of them anymore.
We're working on a pretty difficult work related issue where my job is. The problem is that different groups within the company are directly effected by this difficult IT issue. Those nonrelated to IT groups' members are in no way trying to contribute to the resolution of this issue. Our IT group is the one troubleshooting and trying to get to the root cause since it's more complicated than these users think because there are so many variables involved. The various groups that report the related problems, whenever i'm with them trying to work on the various staff issues are constantly backbiting about our group right in front of me, my name is brought up and my coworkers are talked about that i work closely with. These people are just sitting their griping.
I have at many times wanted to stand up to these backbiting little do nothing gossipers but it's obvious they are doing nothing for the solution but are just complaining and whining and talking bad about us in front of clients and users. If they helped with the solution and kept their gossiping mouths shut(these are men and women), I wouldn't feel the the growing urge to confront them but then I would be confronting these pipsqueaks in front of clients and that would be very unprofessional of me. But at this point I hate their guts and I don't have enough work experience to risk losing my job if I did confront them. I wish I could kick their butts for talking about people I work closely with!!! They can talk about me all they want since I am entry level and junior IT staff member.
I just try and get my work done, try my hardest to get to a solution that might work in the troubleshooting phase and get out of there just so I don't lose my focus. I still don't see myself as someone experienced enough in my field so i'm still very much in the learning phase.
Re: How do you handle backbiters or people that attack a person's character?
We're working on a pretty difficult work related issue where my job is. The problem is that different groups within the company are directly effected by this difficult IT issue. Those nonrelated to IT groups' members are in no way trying to contribute to the resolution of this issue. Our IT group is the one troubleshooting and trying to get to the root cause since it's more complicated than these users think because there are so many variables involved. The various groups that report the related problems, whenever i'm with them trying to work on the various staff issues are constantly backbiting about our group right in front of me, my name is brought up and my coworkers are talked about that i work closely with. These people are just sitting their griping.
I have at many times wanted to stand up to these backbiting little do nothing gossipers but it's obvious they are doing nothing for the solution but are just complaining and whining and talking bad about us in front of clients and users. If they helped with the solution and kept their gossiping mouths shut(these are men and women), I wouldn't feel the the growing urge to confront them but then I would be confronting these pipsqueaks in front of clients and that would be very unprofessional of me. But at this point I hate their guts and I don't have enough work experience to risk losing my job if I did confront them. I wish I could kick their butts for talking about people I work closely with!!! They can talk about me all they want since I am entry level and junior IT staff member.
I just try and get my work done, try my hardest to get to a solution that might work in the troubleshooting phase and get out of there just so I don't lose my focus. I still don't see myself as someone experienced enough in my field so i'm still very much in the learning phase.
I wouldn't give it to much thought in general, however when we get people from other departments ringing us, we always talk crap about them to another department cause they are useless and it really irks me how useless some departments within my company are. If those departments are talking about me behind my back, I really couldn't care less. I talk crap about them behind their back (vent). I think department vs department and "us" vs "them" is common in workplace. However, if they was saying it to my face. It would be a different story. There's a difference between letting someone/or a group say stuff behind your back. Harmless stuff however when you're in front of them and your name or people you like names are being attacked, you should speak up. I wouldn't let them get away with it.
I wouldn't confront them in front of clients. That's unprofessional, I would ask to speak to them and take them to one side and tell them you find their attitude unacceptable for x reasons and that you don't like your name being brought up when you've done nothing wrong in front of clients. If they don't listen, you can always escalate the matter.
Re: How do you handle backbiters or people that attack a person's character?
I wouldn't give it to much thought in general, however when we get people from other departments ringing us, we always talk crap about them to another department cause they are useless and it really irks me how useless some departments within my company are. If those departments are talking about me behind my back, I really couldn't care less. I talk crap about them behind their back (vent). I think department vs department and "us" vs "them" is common in workplace. However, if they was saying it to my face. It would be a different story. There's a difference between letting someone/or a group say stuff behind your back. Harmless stuff however when you're in front of them and your name or people you like names are being attacked, you should speak up. I wouldn't let them get away with it.
I wouldn't confront them in front of clients. That's unprofessional, I would ask to speak to them and take them to one side and tell them you find their attitude unacceptable for x reasons and that you don't like your name being brought up when you've done nothing wrong in front of clients. If they don't listen, you can always escalate the matter.
See I would have confronted them in a more private way and that is a good idea but it's not that i'm scared, I was a much strong person before, it's just that I was in an abusive situation for very long time in my life and it was very traumatic for me. It effected me in a very negative way so when it comes to confronting people, especially people that are just so callous like this, that feel great from being condescending, it's a very difficult thing for me. I need to seek therapy for what i've been through but for now I try to escape or slam the door on people who are hurtful. Don't call me a wimp, people won't understand unless they've been through what i've been through. Put yourself in my situation, the abuse from my past was very painful for me. It's left a huge scar. I sent an email to one of them addressing this issue of their unprofessional behavior regarding my coworkers and why I don't appreciate it one bit, I don't care if they forward it to others. I guess that's my tiny way of standing up to them.
Re: How do you handle backbiters or people that attack a person's character?
See I would have confronted them in a more private way and that is a good idea but it's not that i'm scared, it's just that I was in an abusive situation for very long time in my life and it was very traumatic for me. It effected me in a very negative way so when it comes to confronting people, especially people that are just callous like this, it's a very difficult thing for me. I need to seek therapy for what i've been through but for now I try to escape of slam the door to people who are hurt. I sent an email to one of them addressing this issue. Don't call me a wimp, put yourself in my situation, the abuse from my past was very painful for me. It's left a huge scar.
I didn't call you a wimp nor do I think you are one. I'm not aware of your past. That seems fair enough, as I said. You should escalate the matter if it concerns you alot. Maybe take it to HR or start a grievance procedure against those who you feel are causing you distress.
Re: How do you handle backbiters or people that attack a person's character?
GlobalGal
Sorry abt your past. Be very careful what you put down in writing. Whether it is here or at work. Good luck.
I suggest you don't address such issues by email to the offending party.
Re: How do you handle backbiters or people that attack a person's character?
GlobalGal
Sorry abt your past. Be very careful what you put down in writing. Whether it is here or at work. Good luck.
I suggest you don't address such issues by email to the offending party.
I don't think there is anything wrong with emailing them and telling them what you think of the situation. First thing is first, and that's you trying to resolve issues between colleagues by yourself without the need for higher management. As long as it's done in a professional manner and not full of profanity or something along those lines which could get in you trouble. There are much clever ways to go around this and get your way though, HR is one.
Re: How do you handle backbiters or people that attack a person's character?
GlobalGal
Sorry abt your past. Be very careful what you put down in writing. Whether it is here or at work. Good luck.
I suggest you don't address such issues by email to the offending party.
It was a totally professional email though. i would never use profanity. That is not my nature.
Re: How do you handle backbiters or people that attack a person's character?
I don't think there is anything wrong with emailing them and telling them what you think of the situation. First thing is first, and that's you trying to resolve issues between colleagues by yourself without the need for higher management. As long as it's done in a professional manner and not full of profanity or something along those lines which could get in you trouble. There are much clever ways to go around this and get your way though, HR is one.
I will go to higher management and HR if he responds with profanity to my email but i just told him that I don't appreciate the derogatory talk and condescending way of speaking about us in front of clients because it is very unprofessional.
The man is much older than me, he should know better.
I just don't like friction and confrontational situations like this. It's like they want to cause trouble.
Re: How do you handle backbiters or people that attack a person's character?
I will go to higher management and HR if he responds with profanity to my email but i just told him that I don't appreciate the derogatory talk and condescending way of speaking about us in front of clients because it is very unprofessional.
The man is much older than me, he should know better.
I just don't like friction and confrontational situations like this. It's like they want to cause trouble.
Good. Just keep your calm and do things the right way with precedure. Things will benefit you in the end.
Re: How do you handle backbiters or people that attack a person's character?
This is a tough one.
I think be sending a professional email, you have communicated your position to this person. If this happens again, time to approach your boss.
Not sure I would take this to HR. Your boss will advise you the next course of action (if this happens again that is).
Again, please be discreet how much you share person stuff at a public forum. I say this with utmost sincerity. Be well.