Ok…when people are telling me of their concerns and worries, i say what i think and what they should do. Then i start thinking what else to tell them. Take for example, my husband. He is so good at consoling me and giving me advice and how to deal with stuff. Recently there was something that was worrying him and he told me. I questioned some points and symphathized with the situation and told him that i am there for him whenever he needs me but what else could i have told him…i mean Mashallah he is so clever and possess so much knowledge so i hold back sometimes thinking that he might think “i already know that etc”…hope you guys know what i am trying to say…i dont know if i am explaining myself well or not..
Just want to find out from you guys what you do in these situations…have you ever been in situations when you dont know what to say to someone talking to you about their problems and worries…
Sometimes it takes another set of eyes to see the real problem or the real solutions. The person facing the problem might have a pre-conceived notion of the problem or solution . They might not have seen that small thing or detail what you can see and help him/her out. So if someone asks for help they already think high of you and even if you ask them simple question or tell them some simple solution they will not end up thinking less of you.
These are my two cents.
He is usually good with picking small things/details regarding situations or problems whereas i am not. I think i am just a listener...i was listening to him and letting him talk about what he's thinking about and losing his sleep over...I told him i love him alot and i am here for whenever he needs me...thats ok isnt it? I just think sometimes people might think "God, it was so useless talking to her"...
I totally agree with Mirch brother. Besides that, a lot of times our beloved ones want us to only listen to them. So it is not useless to even lend an ear and show sympathy. ( I really appreciate your sensitivity towards minor things for comforting him, MashaAllah)
In such situations try to find a different dimension to the problem which he might not have thought of. Mostly the best solutions comes to my mind when after listening to a problem, I imagine what would have the Prophet (saw) have advised me if I had placed the same question infront of him. The answer usually comes in context to a hadith which I might have read / heard some time ago.
But if the problem is something technical or any matter related to business or the field your husbands works in and you have not much idea / knowledge about the matter, then the best thing to do is what you already mentioned in your post.
He is usually good with picking small things/details regarding situations or problems whereas i am not. I think i am just a listener...i was listening to him and letting him talk about what he's thinking about and losing his sleep over...I told him i love him alot and i am here for whenever he needs me...thats ok isnt it? I just think sometimes people might think "God, it was so useless talking to her"...
Yes it is ok, sometimes we just need a pair of ears to pour our heart out and you are a good listener that is a blessing for him. There is another positive point about talking to someone about your problem or issue , just by discussing you might identify the source or solutions of the problem. I know as it has happened to me so many times. I should know because I listen to issues of others all day and help them resolve those issue as I am in software support.
^ True, practice does help a lot. So if one starts solving problems of people around him, he gains more experience and skills in dealing with similar matters. Consistant dealing with challenges develop our skills the same way consistant gym develop our muscles. The time we stop exercizing our muscles starts deteriorating.
Thank you guys for your kind advice...Mirch he is in software too...hmm..and giving advice at work too...no wonder he is so good at it himself..and by the sounds of it mashallah you are too...
I am just gonna be there for him and try and provide solutions if i can...thats the best thing anyone can do for anyone i guess...
JazakAllah khair sister for the kind words of encouragement.
Oh, I forgot the most important thing.
Any sincere words after reciting bismillah..... and the dua of speach would touch the listener's heart as Allah would (inshaAllah) put "barakah" in it to make it effective.
STP brother, that dua'a is also wonderful before you recite the Qur'an. This has personally helped me a great deal.
Sunset, you did the right thing. Sometimes spouses are only looking for an ear to listen to their problem and I tell you, half the problem gets solved just by sharing. And never doubt your strength as a wife. Our husbands may not say it often, but we are pillars of strength for them, Insha'Allah.
STP - thank you for the dua but i find it hard to read it in english so would appreciate in arabic if you could please...
Niksik - thanks for your re-assurance. I felt better in reading that. I hope i helped him in listening or not just him my friends too. Yes, you are right, husbands dont express their feelings that much which makes it harder for us realise if we are being any help to them or not. When its me telling him my probs, he always listens and provides solutions and i make a point to let him know that i appreciated that alot - even the next day...but hey, i guess thats the nature of men huh? :)