I have had rumors spread by some girls that I am after guys and that I am possessed by a jin. I have been told I have a bad reputation. These rumors are far from the truth. Ofcourse I had been in only 2 relationships in the past, I have never done the physical stuff or been running after men. Also I look like a very decent and simple girl. I trusted few girls and told them about my relationships, and they reconstructed whatever I told them and spread them around Pakistani community (abroad).
You have to be careful.. Not all friends are true friends, also don’t ever disclose your personal history with everyone. I’m assuming these girls are around the same age as you, I’m not surprised they’d try to put you down in the view of other people just so that they can seem like better people. Hope everything works out well!
Honestly people will talk and keep on talking. Anyone could have spread the rumours even if you had never talked to a guy in your life.
Either you can ignore it and let time dull people’s memories or you can involve your other female relatives to proactively do a PR campaign. Hit negative gossip with positive gossip but this requires so much tact that there’s no guarantee it will work.
If you don’t have an army of helpful fairy godmothers the best thing to keep your back straight, and be positive. Own upto to who you are and there’s no need to keep away from your social circle.
we always learn from our experiences. i found two points here worth addressing for you. be cautious about your relationships in future. cant make many wrong choices since its really not like a bus that you will catch another if you miss one. second, dont trust anyone about your personal life.
A bad reputation can only be fixed over time unfortunately. There’s no quick fix for that one.
Also, don’t trust girls with personal things like this.. especially with info that can potentially harm a future relationship.
You know that in the desi communities - having relationships and more than 1 for that matter isn’t the norm and is still frowned upon, so with information like that, keep it to yourself.
If you have only known someone a short while…it doesn’t matter how easily you two clicked or connected…you still don’t know them well enough to disclose personal information about yourself such as your relationships, family problems, etc etc. So, don’t rush to confide in people; Slow down and observe if they’re trustworthy.
Also, don’t be naive about your culture. You were born into the Desi culture…and I really don’t care if you live in the West…Desi culture is STILL overall conservative and many things are frowned upon. You may believe that your “friends” should be more open-minded as they are from the younger generation and live in the West…but newsflash…they were still raised by Desi parents so that means that they had a conservative/restricted upbringing. So, when you discuss your boyfriends with them…they might (out of spite/jealousy or sheer carelessness) spread it around. If your friends have betrayed you once before, then no need to tell them about any rishtas you’re considering, etc etc.
It also happens that a friend whom you’ve known and trusted for months or years may suddenly screw you over and that will come as a shock, but the fact that they’ve hurt you once already should be a lesson that you need to be more careful in the future about the things you tell them. So, to an extent there is trial and error.
As Amber has said, it will take time to fix your reputation…but it’s not impossible. One good way to fix your image is to act opposite or contrary to the crap being spread about you. For instance, if people are saying that you are rude…act nicely toward the people in your social circle, help them out, etc. That way they’ll question the truthfulness and intentions of the person/s who talked trash about you. They’ll think, “Hannah has been consistently friendly and helpful, so these rumors don’t make sense…maybe they were said out of jealousy or spite.” So, it can result in the gossiper losing respect. Basically it will take time, but it can be fixed. Don’t fear or avoid the people within your social circle…Whether it’s your peers or the auntis…and especially be warm/friendly with the latter. The “friends” who gossiped will eventually get a taste of their own medicine. They will find themselves on the receiving end of their own bad habits; it’s only a matter of time.
