I know this is a very strange topic but its getting very frustrated… I got engaged 3 months ago and insahllah in summer i will be getting married. It was a pure arrange marriage and i only saw the guy two times before my engagement day…
Now that i am engaged, i go shopping every week and getting houseware stuffs, like dinner set, kitchen assoceries and electronic items, and other personal stuffs… I am asked to pick the best brand regardless of how expensive something is… My parents have already spent over 20 k on clothing, gold jewlery and stuffs that i want…
But the issue is everytime i discuss the wedding date, my mom have hard time digesting me talking about my wedding hall preparation… i dont see any problem in that but nooo she gets uncomfortable… today i told her about naushaba (makeup artist in NJ) that i want my makeup done from her… She was upset again…
I dont know why… everytime i show my excitement by saying.. ohh i want my wedding to be like this… or i want a wedding dress like that… she is upset… she is like larkian apni shadi ki batain aisay nahi karti… they loose noor from their face :S
I think my mom is nervous.. she wants me to be happy but not really happy about my engagement cuz these engagement break easily… and she has seen girls in our neighbor picking out the best hall for wedding, and talk about what they want n all… and they ended up getting divorce few months after their marriage…but how should i tell that what happen to them doesnt mean it will happen to me khuda na khausta
how to deal in such situation where parents are letting you pick the hall you want, or go for any makeup artist…and get anything i want for wedding but i am not allow to talk about it infront of them… its getting annoying cuz i have arguments with my mom everyday… Why cant i talk.. if i cant talk to her who else can i do it… I do call my dad and tell him what i found today and he repond nicely to me ke watever u want you will get it.. but i feel that he wants to avoid disuccussion with me about my wedding…
does it happen to anyone???what do i do…??? i dont have any sister and my brothers are also scared whenever i get too excited :S…
Re: How do you discuss your wedding preparation issues with Parents?
are you guys going to have nikkah before, or on the shaadi? i think your mom will feel more comfortable if you start these preparations after a nikkah since in our culture engagement isn't really considered too serious, that's prob why she's worried...
Re: How do you discuss your wedding preparation issues with Parents?
I don't know but it sounds a bit weird. It's your wedding so why can't you discuss your wedding? Also the philosophy of loosing noor from your face is way beyond me, how can talking about marriage make the noor on your face disappear? Don't worry these are just myths. What's going to happen will happen no matter what.
Re: How do you discuss your wedding preparation issues with Parents?
Well I do remember before my wedding my mom did mention how "besharam" i am to be discussing my rukhsati and hotel arrangements after rukhsati in front of everyone without being all shy and sharma-ing but I mean it didnt become a huge issue. is your mom a bit more conservative in those regards?
Re: How do you discuss your wedding preparation issues with Parents?
**Do you have any "friendly" cousin or aunt who can try to talk with your parents ?
Explain them what you want, and tell them to try to discuss abt it with your parents (without mentioning that you told her).
I did that for my cousin's wedding :) and it really worked. Hope it will work 4 u too :))
Re: How do you discuss your wedding preparation issues with Parents?
Hey PP, I know how it feels..right after my baat pakki, I was a bit hesitant to discuss about my wedding with my parents. It's going to be InshAllah in november but, still there are tons of details to be discussed. Although, I have bros and sis who are married, it was just weird since I am the youngest and will be the only one moving away to a different state after marriage. Eventually, I realized that my parents were reluctant because everytime the topic was brought up, they got emotional. I assured them that InshAllah I won't change as a person and will keep in touch with them as much as I can. They can come visit me anytime and I will come as well. Some parents don't like to show their emotions that's why they avoid the topic of marriage. They know their daughter is no longer theirs so in a way they are a bit insecure you can say. Anyways, I broke the ice by discussing with my mom about what to give my future in laws to be inshAllah and then the fact that I know my fiance makes it easier as well. So, I usually tell my mom if my fiance discusses something with me that she should be aware of maybe like their traditions n other stuff like that. As far as engagements breaking and noor going from the face...read Namaaz-e-Istikhara and have faith in Allah swt. InshAllah He will do what's best for you. When your mom sees that you are doing that, she will also be at ease InshAllah
Re: How do you discuss your wedding preparation issues with Parents?
I never discussed anything about my marriage with my dad, brothers or other men in my family....I discussed everything with my mom and sisters..
As we live abroad my chacha choose a wedding hall for me...unfortunally i didn't liked the wedding hall...but my mom said don't say anything......it doens't look nice if you'll say something...so i didn't say anything...thank god it was a nice wedding hall.....Pff...
Further i've chosen everything....lengha (from inlaws and my parents), clothes (baree and jahaiz), jewellery(inlaws and parents)....wedding cards....decoration etc etc.....I was easy for me to say everything to my mom....that I want this and that...and yeah mom also said that when the main time will come that we'll see...it's never good to discuss long time before... they don't realize that all the things u want needs TIME!!so it's better to discuss with them at the time they're arranging something....u could say I like your idea but how do you think about my idea about this...something like this always works....even with me...
Re: How do you discuss your wedding preparation issues with Parents?
Its your mum, Like you said you dont have any brothers or sisters. She just probly feels sad sometimes that your leaving her. Its totally normal to have feelings go up and down. Gosh i remember when my uncle got married there was arguments,tears,laughter. You name it all the emotions.Marriage is a very sensitive issue. Your mum doesnt mean it, But like someone else said if you have a friend or a cousin who your close too discuss it with them. Dont worry Inshallah you'll be fine. Its a mum thing. Your her only daughter! Its like me and my mum she hates thinking of me leaving her! Its sweet.
khuda na khausta