So I am seriously thinking about buying a house. My problem as some of you know that my inlaws live with us. They too will be living with us. I am somewhat ok with it now, but i don’t want to be treated like an outsider in my own house. How do I prevent this from happening when I do eventually buy a house? I work full-time and when I come home, everything is done already. For once in my life I want things to be done my way and not be treated like I am still 14. I don’t want to buy a house when I can’t feel at home there. I really want my own home! How do I express my feelings without hurting their feelings?
Re: How do You define/set boundaries?
and this seems to be a problem for you. You should be grateful that your in laws take care of the household for you. Yes they may not be asking you what to cook and which bedsheet to use in guest bedroom, but that only shows that they also take care of this house as their own and not as guests living in it. Beleive me, many in laws do that and dump everything back on the bahu to take care of. You are in a much better situation.
Re: How do You define/set boundaries?
I know! But I am not 14 anymore and I never wanted to live with them. It's a comPromise. I can never do anything I want. I am an adult and I would like to live like one.
Re: How do You define/set boundaries?
buy a house with a self-contained, all inclusive basement and furnish it with elegant furnishings and politely tell them...this is your quarter and here is the key to the separate entrance. enjoy your new dwelling :)
Re: How do You define/set boundaries?
Also, they are not my responsibility. I never asked them to do anything for me. Is it wrong to want to live without supervision?
Re: How do You define/set boundaries?
Is it wrong to want to live without supervision?
no its not wrong and I agree that they are not your responsibilty, but for now, you are stuck in that situation and you need to make the best out of it.
Re: How do You define/set boundaries?
Woh kehte hai na…Insaan kissi haal mein khush nahi 
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Re: How do You define/set boundaries?
buy a house with a self-contained, all inclusive basement and furnish it with elegant furnishings and politely tell them...this is your quarter and here is the key to the separate entrance. enjoy your new dwelling :)
It would be perfect if I could find a 2 unit house that's also affordable. I would really love a separate kitchen! I haven't found many that are affordable. If you have any sites I can look at, that would be great
Re: How do You define/set boundaries?
^parents are always your responsibility. once you marry a person that person's parent become your responsibility as well in order to keep a loving and cordial relationship...one can NOT live in peace and harmony if he/she has a bad relationship...it's good for everyone involved. this goes for both spouses. i believe that firmly!
Re: How do You define/set boundaries?
Based on your other thread on advice about in law problem and the information you provided. Buying a home to impose your rules is not going to help. Two separate homes or two separate portions/units of a house is the solution to the issues you raised in that thread.
This way as per wishes of your husband they can live with him and also live the way they want it and you can live with your husband the way you want to.
They cook their own food , take care of the home/portion/unit their way and you do the same.
As you know in this situation you cannot tell them my way or highway and they cannot do that either.
Other than that when your in laws move into new house you hang a banner declaring "My home my rules". I am sure you will not do that and your husband and your in-laws will flip out too.
Re: How do You define/set boundaries?
If you were paying for everything and didn’t get to do anything you liked, you wouldn’t be saying this. They aren’t my parent either and my parents have no son to take care of them and its not like they care about it. I am just saying why I have a problem accepting this arrangement. I can’t do the same for my own parents but I am doing it for his. Makes sense? ^no but i am still willing to give it a chance but i want it to be my house.
Re: How do You define/set boundaries?
buy a house with a self-contained, all inclusive basement and furnish it with elegant furnishings and politely tell them...this is your quarter and here is the key to the separate entrance. enjoy your new dwelling :)
such a basement is called in laws quarters for no reason.
Re: How do You define/set boundaries?
^ i haven't seen one in the US. Are they called something else? How would I search for such houses?
Re: How do You define/set boundaries?
I relate with the issue of OP and its a genuine issue. To be honest, my wife and my own sister has similar complain about my own mother. She used to live with us and now lives with my younger sister and she sometimes gives so many advices about how things should be done that my sister complained to me that mother never let her feel like its her (sister's) house.
Her thing is that mother lived in her own house for years and years like the queen of that house, and now its her turn and mom should let her. I know that my mother has no evil intentions and only want to help, but her doings and sayings get pretty overwhelming for my sister and she feels like she has no control on her own house.
Re: How do You define/set boundaries?
such a basement is called in laws quarters for no reason.
oh achchhaa wow! now, i learned something new...truly, humans love from cradle to grave :)
Re: How do You define/set boundaries?
^ i haven't seen one in the US. Are they called something else? How would I search for such houses?
its called mother-in-law apartment.
Re: How do You define/set boundaries?
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Re: How do You define/set boundaries?
If you were paying for everything and didn't get to do anything you liked, you wouldn't be saying this. They aren't my parent either and my parents have no son to take care of them and its not like they care about it. I am just saying why I have a problem accepting this arrangement. I can't do the same for my own parents but I am doing it for his. Makes sense? ^no but i am still willing to give it a chance but i want it to be my house.
acha i m sorry.
1) Why are you paying for everything? Why is your husband not taking up his responsibility?
2) If i was in your place, i would seriously consider talking to my inlaws about this unless if they are too uptight. I think if it is done in the right way, they wouldn't or atleast shouldn't have an issue with it.
Re: How do You define/set boundaries?
Based on your other thread on advice about in law problem and the information you provided. Buying a home to impose your rules is not going to help. Two separate homes or two separate portions/units of a house is the solution to the issues you raised in that thread.This way as per wishes of your husband they can live with him and also live the way they want it and you can live with your husband the way you want to.They cook their own food , take care of the home/portion/unit their way and you do the same.As you know in this situation you cannot tell them my way or highway and they cannot do that either. Other than that when your in laws move into new house you hang a banner declaring "My home my rules". I am sure you will not do that and your husband and your in-laws will flip out too.
I don't obviously want to make it that obvious but I want them to consider my feelings too. I really really would like a 2 unit home. I don't know where to loom for them. people are only selling one unit of the two. I have looked not found many that I could afford. Any idea how else I can refine my search? That would really be ideal.
Re: How do You define/set boundaries?
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