How do You Define Backwardness?

Lifestyle Relationships
21

Re: How do You Define Backwardness?

lol, i dont think there is any issue in talking to ur fiance, yeah kehtay hain key milna nahi chahiye just for da safe side, but baat karney mein kya problem hai?

22


It is allowed and encouraged to talk to ur fiance if there's a guardian there (obviously not excessively tho) but like pkgrl000 pointed out even then u get some parents who are so petrified their kids might change their mind they won't allow it. Regarding the 'charm' thing tbh it seems like there are more ppl complaining about the opposite problem, being stuck with someone they have nothing in common with cos their parents didn't allow them to interact with or give them much say in their choice of partner..

23

i think it is allowed in the presence of guardian. but who talks in the presence of guardian.
once during the Audit Training period on a client one my junior , who had his fianc in hyderabad and he used to talk to that galz for hours in a day from the client phone.

he pissed me off that once i had to say that kay bhai yar shadi kay baad bhi koi baat kar laina ............. i think this kind of behavior is bad and alarming.
there is limit for need of understanding not on 24/7 basis u keep talking to that gal/guy.

24

may be u dont like it ........... but it sounds logical is not it. specially there is a lack of trust on the part of both parties due to some real or quasi reasons.

y one shud not behave prudently before marriage ......... to have more modest image.

25

Re: How do You Define Backwardness?

no big deal...let them talk.

26

what i believe is this if a man before marriage behave like this its confirm he will be doubtfull about his wife charcter for the rest of the life only because she talks to him on a ph before marriage even they were not boyfriend or girlfrined but fiances

27

oho ub aisa bhi nahi hay .........

beside shadi karna aur torna itna asaan nahi ............

by the argument of the husband carries weight ........... coz it is said "Once a thief is always a thief"

but since the adultery rate is rising in pakistan thats y men are becoming increasingly "shakki"

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Re: How do You Define Backwardness?

endless debate :D

29

ditto.

30

Talking in presence of guardian is better than not talking at all imo. Also, I find the whole 'sex on the first night' (or at the least intimacy) with someone you've never even spoken to a bit creepy. Don't need to know the person inside out but I do think the couple should at least be able to meet with others around.. It doesn't make any sense to me that a girl doesn't talk to her fiance but she can talk to male work colleagues or friends from uni whilst the boy also prob also talks to other females but not her.. Where's the logic in that??

31

Re: How do You Define Backwardness?

Who cares if they talk on the phone? Yea I know in Islam its alright if a couple spoke in front of a guardian........ and without a guardian it isn't ok. But that is probably because people had to SPEAK IN FRONT OF EACH OTHER back then... to actually speak. Last I checked..... cell phones, phones in general, emails, and texting did not exist back then. And so if the couple are not going off alone and meeting in private together to talk.... like whats the big deal?

The whole "it looses it charm" argument.... lol. That makes me laugh a bit. I guess those of us having a luv marriage should feel really depressed right now because we seriously don't have anything to look forward to once we are married. The "charm" is long gone.... gone even before we got engaged. One may think that interacting with their husband (who is basically a complete stranger) for the first time on their wedding day is romantic. While the rest of us find it romantic that we are marrying the person we luv. My question is... how do you even know its going to be romantic if you interact with a stranger on your wedding day? It might be really awkward.... you both might be full of anxiety ...stressed... etc. Those are not good feelings in my opinion.

People that have had the chance to talk on the phone during their engagement (or omg... meet up) .... they won't be having those feelings now will they? They will be atleast calm that they know the person.

As for the type of guys that later throw it in the girls face about "what kind of girl" she is just because she talked to him before marriage..... its like give me a freaking break. It takes two hunny to have a conversation. What the hell type of guy are you to talk to a girl before marriage and pretend that "its ok with you" and then later after marriage throw that in your wife's face. In my opinion that sucks for the girl only because she was the victim of a 2-faced loser. Someone who acted one way but obviously thought another way.

32

Re: How do You Define Backwardness?

i think here,the gal/guy who has talked or talking to his/her fiance is like…baat karnay mein koi masla nehi hy:cb: :smiley:

no offence…okay.

33

Totally agree. And even for arguments sake you don't have sex on the first night... well fine... but it will eventually happen... probably in a few weeks time. Because um yea you are now married and sleep in the same bed together. I think it is really creepy too and gives me the heebies jeebies to think about being in that position with someone I don't know AT ALL. By the time one is ready to get intimate, there should be an abundance of luv, understanding, and trust between the couple. And these things only come with time and getting to know someone properly. Its not going to happen in one day or even a few weeks.

I mean... a girl her whole life has been told to guard her privacy like no other from men, etc. But then expected to sleep with someone (who is a stranger even tho he is your husband) once they are married??? I mean girls who have a good understanding with their guys and talk before marriage still have some sort of anxiety about this ... but I literally cant imagine having to go through with this with someone you don't even know much about. It just seems way too extreme to me .......... and yes.... completley unromantic. And its not just even the act of physical intimacy either... its the fact that you are now sharing a space with a member of hte opposite sex. That privacy is completely gone that you grew up with and spent your whole life guarding ..... and I just imagine it to be awkward if it is with someone you dont know well yet.

34

Re: How do You Define Backwardness?

okay guys chill.....

i can see someones point about not wanting to lose the charm and their reasons for not wanting to speak to fiance....personally I couldn't do that, but for those who can, good for them.

35

Re: How do You Define Backwardness?

^you mean you also love that charm...nehi??:D

36

Re: How do You Define Backwardness?

don't worry about others and their labels. one person can label not talking on the phone as being backward. another can label only talking on the phone and not meeting in person as backward, it can go on and on. if you feel comfortable not talking to your future fiance on the phone, then that's your view and go for it.

if your cousin wants to talk to her fiance, it's ok, she's trying to get to know him... some people want to know their fiance as much as possible before marrying them to be safe than sorry. right now, you might think it's wrong to talk to a fiance on the phone, but your views might change in the future when you are also engaged and in that position.

37

Lol....i said i understand the point...but I wouldn't personally do that.....and no need to bash someone because of it!