Strangers of opposite gender are very kind and polite with you, not because they are attracted towards you due to some quality in you, but because being courteous is part of their culture and they don’t know that in your religion it is not encouraged to be so frank and talk about personal life with a na-mehram.
Stranger = Colleagues in your office, university officials and class fellows, banks, …etc.
p.s. Without hurting their innocent feelings as it might take sometime for them to understand your beliefs
Strangers of opposite gender are very kind and polite with you, not because they are attracted towards you due to some quality in you, but because being courteous is part of their culture and they don't know that in your religion it is not encouraged to be so frank and talk about personal life with a na-mehram.
Stranger = Colleagues in your office, university officials and class fellows, banks, ....etc.
:).........STP don't you think we are faced with the same situation on this Forum.....granted it is not Face to Face...........none the less.......same dilema?
^ Brother, most people on this forum are Muslims and know their limitations. Also in real life, the problem is that if you try to keep your gaze away they might think that you are not replying to them, or you have something wrong in mind, or lying....etc. BUT in a lifestyle in your area, it is not easy to avoid communication / dealing with such people.
I missed the most important point in my first post, so I added:
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p.s. Without hurting of their feelings as it might take sometime for them to understand your beliefs
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About what your religion allows and what it doesn't?
Yes, you are right. But at times you come across them for a short time and it might take some time to convey them your beliefs without giving them a feeling that they were doing something very bad, as their intentions were innocent.
STP, your query needs to be looked at in context of where its taking place yeah? I mean, intermingling and socializing rules are so very different in a Muslim country than they are in a western one. And it doesnt make a difference so much when you're a college student as it does when you're out in the professional world. Things that are kind of taken for granted in Muslim society (ie., women dont shake hands with men, they do not attend business functions after work esp if they take place in a pub)...those things are not really accepted in western society....I mean, they ARE but they will impose limits on professional growth, kwim? Even in personal life....in the west, its perfectly acceptable to greet friends with a kiss on the cheek. This is a huge no-no in Muslim countries. Yet it only means, "Hi! Happy to see you!" and has no sexual overtones whatsoever. Huge cultural divide there. There are ways to fit in whether you are east or west....its all really a matter of coming to terms with the differences and meeting somewhere in the middle without compromising your own values and/or beleifs. Not an easy thing to do for sure but when its accomplished, its a truly beautiful thing to see that east and west CAN get along yeah?
I work at a Jewish place where some of the people reserve the same distance from the opposite sex. For them it's a little different because there's an actual label you give for someone who is observant to that degree, and so they just say that and people understand that they are not being rude, just practicing their faith.
I understand that silence and avoiding talk are the best solution. Though I do understand that if someone is in trouble and needs help, then one might try to solve the problem by keeping oneself within the limitations, and if the problem is of such a nature that it is better that a lady solves the problem then one might request one's wife, sister or mother to help the person.
The reason why I started this thread was that I have tried to remain silent and avoid chit chat but at times I felt the person was deeply hurt as after speaking for sometime the person suddenly became silent when she realized that not much interest was shown in the talk which she initiated. I wish I could explain to them about my beliefs without hurting them or unintentionally giving them an impression that I think of myself to be a better person then them. Some people do take it as pride and some people don't easily understand after you give them explanation.
May Allah bless us with wisdom and understanding to maintain our beliefs without hurting people's feelings.
p.s. Thanks everyone for sharing your views and knowledge. It indeed helped me in learning to improve my ways. JazakAllah khair
STP -- I understand. I think it's not as easy as saying, well keep your distance, because you don't want to be rude. Being hurtful or rude to a kind, friendly person is not good. I think sometimes we have to prioritize and decide what is worse? Hurting a good person's feelings or engaging in some conversation that may be too familiar or intimate.
you know what i hate? when guys that you're friends with see you and open their arms waiting for a hug..i don't want to hug them and i know i shouldn't so i don't..but i feel rude.
Being hurtful or rude to a kind, friendly person is not good. I think sometimes we have to prioritize and decide what is worse? Hurting a good person's feelings or engaging in some conversation that may be too familiar or intimate.
True, one needs to keep a delicate balance through wisdom and praying to Allah for help. In the end Allah (s.w.t) knows our intentions and He knows that we are not doing it for lust but we just want to make sure that an innocent person's feelings doesn't get hurt.
Some people might not realize when they place their hand on your shoulder while initiating a discussion on an official matter. May be it is a better idea to say, " Excuse me, if you don't mind I would be back in few minutes to discuss this matter"
When you are back after few minutes, most probably the person doesn't remember placing his /her hand on your shoulder while talking to you, specially if you start discussing the official matter by maintaining a reasonable distance.
^ JazakAllah khair sister for the kind words of encouragement.
.its all really a matter of coming to terms with the differences and meeting somewhere in the middle without compromising your own values and/or beleifs. Not an easy thing to do for sure but when its accomplished, its a truly beautiful thing to see that east and west CAN get along yeah?
STP, may Allah (SWT) reward you for your efforts inshallah......I think honesty is the best policy and people will respect you for it. It will eleviate a build up of ill feelings, if you explain that you sincerely respect and value your colleagues and it is nothing personal.Also, show by example that your not unhelpful/unapproachable and help as a volunteer!
My closest friend is a practising muslim, and was put in an awkward situation during a job interview. She shook hands with the females first, then one of the men stood up and stretched his hand out to her and she politely explained that she is unable to shake his hand due to religious reasons. She was respected for her confidence, and ability to be honest and assertive. She got the job and she had managed to define her Islamic boundaries before starting the job. So, it can be done.
There are two jobs in this society which will not make you face this dilemma like Imam of Masjid , or Islamic School Teacher.
In these truly worldly job it is next to impossible to achieve what you are tying to achieve. Islam is not as strict as you are trying to portray it. You are not living in an Islamic society anyways so Allah will Inshallah forgive whatever mistakes we make being in an un Islamic society. Islamic societies no better either with the exception of Saudi Arabia.
Sorry for being blunt , but this is how I see it.
Astaghfaruallah.
So don't talk to them. Be like yes, no, maybe, I'll get back with you, catch you later or some other usual response people give when they are not interested in talking. It can't be that hard.
STP, may Allah (SWT) reward you for your efforts inshallah......I think honesty is the best policy and people will respect you for it. It will eleviate a build up of ill feelings, if you explain that you sincerely respect and value your colleagues and it is nothing personal.Also, show by example that your not unhelpful/unapproachable and help as a volunteer!
My closest friend is a practising muslim, and was put in an awkward situation during a job interview. She shook hands with the females first, then one of the men stood up and stretched his hand out to her and she politely explained that she is unable to shake his hand due to religious reasons. She was respected for her confidence, and ability to be honest and assertive. She got the job and she had managed to define her Islamic boundaries before starting the job. So, it can be done.
Very good example. Thanks for the kind prayers. Your friends is a source of inspiration for many people like me.
@ Mirch brother, my intention was not of portraying Islam to be very strict but to define the limitations till which I sincerely feel my beliefs demands from me, to which another Muslim might not agree. I personally feel that it boils down to one's personal sincere understanding of what Allah "demands from me" so no matter how good a person's intentions are, it is one's duty to try to that extent that on the day of judgement Allah says to him, " You tried your level best to remain obedient under the circumstances provided to you" In short, the extent of "satisfaction in obedience" might vary from Muslim to Muslim depending upon their personal understanding of their belief system