How do you deal with a person you hurt unintentionally and unknowingly?

[VintageSpring]

Re: How do you deal with a person you hurt unintentionally and unknowingly?

@geminifromkhi

Growing up, we were never taught to say sorry. Sure, I do say sorry when dealing with others, but at I home I cant bring myself to say sorry to anyone. I have other ways like talking to them, being funny…anything to cheer them up.
But this one person is soo moody. And sure this time what I apparently did has screwed up something for them, but other times he metes out this treatment for the most trivial of things. I am kinda getting tired of this, and this time I don’t even care. The only bothersome aspect is that we live in the same house.

I’m exactly like this, but then I think in such serious times, you have to go out of your comfort zone and use other methods of patching things up, no matter how awkward or unused to it you may be. If at the end of it it doesn’t work out, at last you can say to yourself that you’ve exhausted every method and you can go your separate ways.

[geminifromkhi]

Re: How do you deal with a person you hurt unintentionally and unknowingly?

@VintageSpring

I’m exactly like this, but then I think in such serious times, you have to go out of your comfort zone and use other methods of patching things up, no matter how awkward or unused to it you may be. If at the end of it it doesn’t work out, at last you can say to yourself that you’ve exhausted every method and you can go your separate ways.

its not THAT serious to be honest, but they do it every time and every time it affects me so much. And I dont like that cos when they upset me, I over look it and never accuse them. So its kinda not fair.

[redvelvet]

Re: How do you deal with a person you hurt unintentionally and unknowingly?

@geminifromkhi

Trust me when I say this he isnt expecting a sorry. I mean to apologize you dont always have to say sorry explicitly, there are other ways to say it too.
No, I stopped after explaining myself after 2,3 times. Whats exhausting me is the fact that maybe he thinks I am not sorry or I dont care. Meh, whatever.

Yes, there are other ways…however not every way comes with an acknowledgment of the other person’s feelings. I have a cousin who had short temper and she’d sometimes go off on you even in public without reason. And her method of reconciling was to buy a gift or to start talking normally as though nothing happened. And I didn’t like that. I don’t care for material things; it felt like a dismissal. I’d rather receive an acknowledgment and an apology. I’m not saying that you have a short temper; I’m just sharing an example. I know of cases where people have carried grudges for years because the other person did not apologize. Depending on the relationship…sometimes you do have to swallow ur pride/ego to keep the peace. Saying sorry won’t make you smaller…and saying that it’s not within your family’s culture…is not a good enough reason to avoid it. You obviously care about this person or you wouldn’t have created the thread so don’t let culture get in the way. I agree with Vintage Spring…at least you can tell yourself that you did everything (including an apology) in your power to make amends. And after doing so…be the same nice/caring person u are and be mindful of triggers…but give them some room. If they continue to be cold…that’s their problem…and with time they’ll come around. But at least they can’t accuse you of never apologizing.

[VintageSpring]

Re: How do you deal with a person you hurt unintentionally and unknowingly?

@geminifromkhi

its not THAT serious to be honest, but they do it every time and every time it affects me so much. And I dont like that cos when they upset me, I over look it and never accuse them. So its kinda not fair.

You need to tell this person your feelings then. Or as I did (because I don’t wear my heart on my sleeve like others), tell someone else (i.e. parents) so they can help you two.

[redvelvet]

Re: How do you deal with a person you hurt unintentionally and unknowingly?

@geminifromkhi

its not THAT serious to be honest, but they do it every time and every time it affects me so much. And I dont like that cos when they upset me, I over look it and never accuse them. So its kinda not fair.

Pay attention to what triggers their behavior…and avoid making those comments/jokes/etc etc. And depending on the relationship…like let’s say it’s a sibling or a cousin…you may be able to gently talk to them about having a bit more tolerance in the relationship.

[pak2015]

Re: How do you deal with a person you hurt unintentionally and unknowingly?

@redvelvet

Gem, your way of reconciling (cheering up, making jokes) may not be what the other person feels comfortable with. Maybe they’d rather hear a sincere apology if they feel that would provide them with closure. Cracking jokes and trying to cheer up someone who is upset at you can give them the impression that you are dismissing the mistake and that maybe you’d commit it again. If he’s getting miffed at you and others often…then sounds like he’s a sensitive person. Take a look at what kinds of comments and behaviors trigger his moodiness and try to avoid them. Although in a family, there should be a bit more tolerance/laxity or dar-guzar with each other because it’s also not healthy to get upset at loved ones so easily and so often and this is something that might be brought up very gently at a later point…but this depends on the relation and age of the person. Elders are more set in their ways and may be more sensitive about certain things…so it’s better to be mindful of triggers and avoid them as best as u can. But for now…apologize to him.

Yeah I seriously HATE when someone tries to crack jokes or be silly when I’m upset, it pisses me off more. Everyone is different and reacts different so for some that may work. When I’m upset because of another person I want the person to at least feel kind of bad or at least demonstrate some kind of empathy so that their apology feels somewhat sincere. I agree, being silly and trying to laugh it off may not be the most effective method when someone is actually hurting. It would make me more annoyed. Maybe it’s having the same effect on this guy. Try a different method gemini even if it means going a little beyond your comfort zone and even if it makes you feel a little awkward doing it.

[geminifromkhi]

Re: How do you deal with a person you hurt unintentionally and unknowingly?

@redvelvet

Yes, there are other ways…however not every way comes with an acknowledgment of the other person’s feelings. I have a cousin who had short temper and she’d sometimes go off on you even in public without reason. And her method of reconciling was to buy a gift or to start talking normally as though nothing happened. And I didn’t like that. I don’t care for material things; it felt like a dismissal. I’d rather receive an acknowledgment and an apology. I’m not saying that you have a short temper; I’m just sharing an example. I know of cases where people have carried grudges for years because the other person did not apologize. Depending on the relationship…sometimes you do have to swallow ur pride/ego to keep the peace. Saying sorry won’t make you smaller…and saying that it’s not within your family’s culture…is not a good enough reason to avoid it. You obviously care about this person or you wouldn’t have created the thread so don’t let culture get in the way. I agree with Vintage Spring…at least you can tell yourself that you did everything (including an apology) in your power to make amends. And after doing so…be the same nice/caring person u are and be mindful of triggers…but give them some room. If they continue to be cold…that’s their problem…and with time they’ll come around. But at least they can’t accuse you of never apologizing.

Its not about my ego, lets just say i’ll feel very awkward saying sorry to him because I have never said sorry to anyone at home. Anyways, lets see!

[geminifromkhi]

Re: How do you deal with a person you hurt unintentionally and unknowingly?

@redvelvet

Pay attention to what triggers their behavior…and avoid making those comments/jokes/etc etc. And depending on the relationship…like let’s say it’s a sibling or a cousin…you may be able to gently talk to them about having a bit more tolerance in the relationship.

By jokes, I did not mean I was making fun of him. I just meant thats how I do it. Like if I know someone is naraz, they next day I just go nudge them or give them a pat on their shoulder and smile and they smile back and thats when I know things are ok.

[pak2015]

Re: How do you deal with a person you hurt unintentionally and unknowingly?

@geminifromkhi

By jokes, I did not mean I was making fun of him. I just meant thats how I do it. Like if I know someone is naraz, they next day I just go nudge them or give them a pat on their shoulder and smile and they smile back and thats when I know things are ok.

Yaar kisiko aisay manatay hai kya..pat on the back..worst way..might work for minor things or with very close friends but not with family…def ain’t going to work with your future husband so might as well practice now

[geminifromkhi]

Re: How do you deal with a person you hurt unintentionally and unknowingly?

@pak2015

Yaar kisiko aisay manatay hai kya..pat on the back..worst way..might work for minor things or with very close friends but not with family…def ain’t going to work with your future husband so might as well practice now

well it works…sometimes even a kick! trust me I do it all the time. Sometimes even a light punch.

[geminifromkhi]

Re: How do you deal with a person you hurt unintentionally and unknowingly?

@pak2015

Yaar kisiko aisay manatay hai kya..pat on the back..worst way..might work for minor things or with very close friends but not with family…def ain’t going to work with your future husband so might as well practice now

Just like a pat sounds weird to you, a sorry sounds awkward to me. Light slap and a grin and I am done!

[redvelvet]

Re: How do you deal with a person you hurt unintentionally and unknowingly?

@geminifromkhi

Its not about my ego, lets just say i’ll feel very awkward saying sorry to him because I have never said sorry to anyone at home. Anyways, lets see!

^Many of us tend to treat friends and coworkers and even strangers with greater formality and regard and patience than we do with the people we live with…and it shouldn’t be that way. Don’t worry so much about the awkwardness, Gem. He’s giving u the silent treatment… so an awkwardness already exists between you two, lol.

He sounds like he is closer to ur age…brother or cousin perhaps? Just say sorry and next time… If he sulks…araam se tell him that there should be more laxity in famililal rishtay…that’s one of the best aspects about these relations in that there tends to be greater room for dar-guzar.

[geminifromkhi]

Re: How do you deal with a person you hurt unintentionally and unknowingly?

@redvelvet

^Many of us tend to treat friends and coworkers and even strangers with greater formality and regard and patience than we do with the people we live with…and it shouldn’t be that way. Don’t worry so much about the awkwardness, Gem. He’s giving u the silent treatment… so an awkwardness already exists between you two, lol.

He sounds like he is closer to ur age…brother or cousin perhaps? Just say sorry and next time… If he sulks…araam se tell him that there should be more laxity in famililal rishtay…that’s one of the best aspects about these relations in that there tends to be greater room for dar-guzar.

Yes, a younger cousin:) Actually he is sort of self righteous, and that has started to piss me off. People make mistakes, he makes them too. He never acknowledges his mistakes, but if someone else messes up he stops talking to them.

Anyhow, lets see. I want him to stop acting like a child all the time.

[geminifromkhi]

Re: How do you deal with a person you hurt unintentionally and unknowingly?

Update: I was sick of his attitude, tantrums, and mood swings . So I thought ok whatever, he does this every time, this time I wont let it bother me. So I stopped talking to him, stopped looking his way, avoided eye contact..basically ignored him. And well, dimagh sahi ho gaya uska.

So anyways I think no one should have to put up with a moody person for too long. If someone is taking you for granted, you need to show them your worth.

[BigdaNawab]

Re: How do you deal with a person you hurt unintentionally and unknowingly?

This thread is still going…
gosh, Gemni…people think your problems are actually real