So how do you deal with someone you love being forced into having a arranged marriage?
This is the worst kind of love…where you both want to be together…but can’t due to circumstances.
You all probably read my previous threads…and we all saw this coming…but how would you deal with this ? We continue to kiss…see each other etc…but knowing we will never be together, although both of us wants us to be is a killer…he’s stressed..withdrawn over pressure by family to marry and have a women at home, after mothers passing.
Should I contact his dad somehow and reassure him how much I care for his son?
I even went to a psychic (much to my disgust) but she knew what his family were doing was wrong, as after losing his mum…he should not have to make such life changing decisions…she sensed obtacles for us…but once the obstacles were removed it would be lovely.
Some of you might think he is using me…but he told me upfront his families plans…apparently he told his dad about me, and I am sure that if a man really loves someone they will stand up to their family, but I also understand that he wants to make his family happy…and if doing this makes them happy he would do it (his words).
Re: How do you deal with a loved one having forced arranged marriage
I skimmed through your previous posts.
This man is bad for you. Please RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!
"have slipped into anorexia and obsessive exercising and I just do not know what to do to make mylsef better...I am so sad :-("
Your quote.
If someone is causing you or making you slip back to a mental disorder, they are NOT worth it. Catwomen, you deserve better. He may not be a bad guy, but he is NOT good for your emotional, mental, physical health. Thus your entire life.
Re: How do you deal with a loved one having forced arranged marriage
You weren’t there to witness his interaction with his family, so you have no concrete evidence that he even talked to his family about you. You also have no evidence that he is telling you the truth about this “forced” arranged marriage.
He’s a grown man, an adult. And while I understand that family can create pressure on you to do something, it’s hard for me to imaging him being “forced” to marry someone. That sounds ridiculous. And let’s assume that it is 100% true that he’s being forced to marry some girl, in that case it’s not fair to that girl that he’s having an affair with you. How would you feel if you were in her position? And if he is already in a commitment with someone or if he will enter one soon, then it’s wrong for you to carry on with him as well.
I have a cousin who married an Irish gori. I know of other examples where desi men have married outside of their culture and religion. He would make it work if he really truly loved you and if he believed that you were the on.
Why should you be the one to call up his dad and do any reassuring? First of all, you don’t know if he even talked to his dad. He could be feeding you a bunch of lies. I can tell you upfront that I’m an alien and that I have x-ray vision and that’s the reason I can’t be pals with you. People can say anything to your face, don’t mean it’s true. Don’t be so naive. And secondly, it’s his responsibility to make his parents come around, not yours. Why should you do all the work? Let the guy come pursue you. He has been pretty inconsistent and wishy-washy with you. That doesn’t sound like love to me. Have enough respect for yourself to remove yourself from this drama.
If he knew that circumstance would never allow him to be with you and if he knew that he lacked the courage to face the situation, then he shouldn’t have started anything with you. You can get all the advice you want, but it’s only YOU who can help yourself develop some respect and move on with your life.
Well, Duh! Marriage and life in general is full of obstacles. That’s the case with everyone. And whenever obstacles are removed, life becomes better. That “psychic” just gave you a broad reading that is a no-brainer. You should get your money back.
Re: How do you deal with a loved one having forced arranged marriage
I skimmed through your previous posts.
This man is bad for you. Please RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!
"have slipped into anorexia and obsessive exercising and I just do not know what to do to make mylsef better...I am so sad :-("
Your quote.
If someone is causing you or making you slip back to a mental disorder, they are NOT worth it. Catwomen, you deserve better. He may not be a bad guy, but he is NOT good for your emotional, mental, physical health. Thus your entire life.
Thanks...I am ok now though......his mum passed away...so its just his dad....how would one know if he was telling the truth though...hire a private investigator? lol
And yeah that psychic was rubbish..according to her I'm getting married march/april LOL
I told him I had no feelings for him anymore (which was a lie) and he's been wanting to see me more...its like if he can't have me...no one else can
Re: How do you deal with a loved one having forced arranged marriage
There has to be a limit to how much you let his cultural/religious excuses keep you waiting... this is too much. Yes there are some UNDERSTANDABLE ways that Pakistani men are different from other men, but you have to respect YOURSELF enough to have a limit. People will use you as much as you let them. By what I gathered from your previous posts, you are always available for him no matter what, so of course he will keep coming back. He has you where he wants you and knows he can make up any excuses for his bull****, and you will take it.
You should never let any man play with your emotions like this, no matter what culture he comes from. I understand the family loyalty because Latinos are similar, if your family does not approve of your fiance to the point of no avail, the rest of your life is depressing. For me, I would never sacrifice my family's support for ONE man. I wouldn't expect someone else to do the same. Why enter into such a relationship when there's someone else out there, without the family drama attached? And clearly he's not even in love with you enough for you to even make that sacrifice yourself.
Unless this man comes from the extreme end of the spectrum, where family will never understand or change, he should have had the balls to stand up for you by now. Since he did not, it shows he's not willing to fully commit to you anyway. It just sounds like you are desperately scared to be alone and move on in life without him.
You should be with someone who loves you and makes you feel like the center of the world. Not with someone who causes you so much stress and anxiety, even apart from the family drama...
