How do I learn to forgive?

[Paheli00]

Re: How do I learn to forgive?

@S_and_S

My heart has completely turned off from this man and even though I know hes my husbands father, I can’t even look at him with the same respect or sympathy I once had because of everything he has put me through. I feel he robbed me of being able to have a normal marriage, and experiencing marriied life with all its joys of family and happy surroundings. its been nothing but complaints, unhappy, depressing environment and i am so angry that this person broke my spirit and changed my outlook on life and yet he will always be apart of it.

I can 100% relate. I could’ve written all that about my MIL/FIL.

@S_and_S

I basically want to know, how to get past it. How did you guys learn to cope with a difficult situation, how did you forgive somebody who has really hurt you? Somebody that you dont have the option of cutting out from your life?

I haven’t forgiven my in-laws 100% yet. I’m sure that day will come eventually. May take months. May takes years. I don’t feel any rush to forgive them. In my case, they live in a different state so that helps. For me, time is a major factor when it comes to forgiving people.

My hubby is aware of how his parents treated me and he has supported/defended me from day 1. He has admitted to me many time that his parents have some very screwed up beliefs, and can be irrational/manipulative. I have heard him defend me to his parents several times. For quite a while I hated my in-laws. These days, I’m indifferent towards their existence. I always make sure I’m civil towards them when I visit them OR they visit us…but the relationship is very formal. I don’t feel anything positive towards them but at the same time, their words/actions don’t make me feel either.

Is your husband aware of how you’re treated by the FIL? If so, then what is his reaction to the situation? IMO whether or not you have the support of your husband will make a big difference in if/when you’re able to forgive your FIL.

@S_and_S

i dont even want to think about starting a family anymore, not until i can become myself again. but how long will that take?

I don’t think anyone else can tell you how long it will take. But I think it’s a good decision on your part to hold off on having children until you feel ready (I’m on the same boat too).