Re: How do I get stronger?
Like every person on this great big planet, I've had my ups and downs over the last few years.
In recent months I have taught myself to let go of things and move on. It hasn't been easy but the results--having a thicker skin--have been worth the effort.
However, recently someone close to me made a comment to me that left me quite upset and angry, and reflecting over past hurts....
The conflict is (somewhat) resolved but I'm not proud of how I felt. I guess my question is, how do I become stronger so that I never let myself get this hurt or upset again?
Learning to let go is one great way of becoming stronger.
Being strong doesn't mean not feeling anything, or dismissing your emotions. That is called being numb. If you're numb, you wouldn't even feel life's happiness as much.
But being strong also means to not hold grudges forever, to be passive-aggressive or keeping your pain alive.
I would suggest you write about things that hurt you and make you angry. You are entitled to feel the way you do, as long as you don't act on them to take revenge etc. Point being, you are entitled to your feelings. When you write about it, remind yourself that it is ok to feel hurt and angry at whatever it is someone said or did.
Then process your feelings. Figure out why what they said hurts you so much. If you don't know it, you will probably continue to react to situations a lot more than other people. There is nothing wrong with it, but knowing about yourself and what pushes your buttons, makes your stronger against other people's threats (to your sense of self/sense of safety etc). Processing my feelings usually relaxes me. It is unsettling, but also relaxing, because you're more aware of yourself without judging yourself.
What I would do next (and do do) is figuring out a way to talk to them without blaming them. I also write down the exact sentences that I'd be able to use, to help me.
Once you have a good handle on your feelings, you wouldn't feel like you get hurt easily. You wouldn't even have to write about the same stuff anymore. Something else may rear its head for its need to be written about.
Now, most people wont do this. They won't write about it. That is fine. It took me quite a while after being told REPEATEDLY by some of the best Clinical Psychologists and scientists that writing is guaranteed to work. But I strongly suggest that you try it out to find some peace.
(P.S. Both research and therapeutic work with people, has proven again and again the advantages of writing about ones life, traumas, negative feelings, accomplishments and goals on quality of life, including physical health.)