There’s been an uproar in a desi community i used to be part of (since then, had to move away so heard about this from my relatives). A middle-aged Pakistani lady who lost her husband due to a horrific set of tragic circumstances, was offered another rishta and she accepted it and is now re-married (may Allah Bless her for the rest of her life and keep her happy). While her husband was in the hospital, the Aunty nursed him, took care of him, helped him recover physically and mentally; when she was not spending time in the hospital taking care of him, she was at home preparing ghaR ka khaana for him and taking care of their remaining only child. All this happened infront of my eyes. She was not doing it to impress anyone.
A year or so after her husband passed away, she was offered another rishta and accepted it.
This Aunty used to teach me and other kids darss/Islamic studies at her own home every Sunday. There were about 20 or so of us brats, mixed group of females and males, invading her tiny home every Sunday. For that day’s classes, she would photocopy ALL the notes for us 20, ensure the curriculum was uptodate, everyone was doing their homework, she held tests etc etc. All this for free, by the way - our parents didn’t have to pay a cent. Now i don’t know where else in North America someone accepts having 20 brats inside their home for about 6 hours, finish off their food, and be taught Arabic lessons in grammar, pronounciation, Quranic themes, Islamic hadeeths, recitation and memorization of Surahs - for free. For 20 kids. She would even fax anyone the day’s notes if someone had missed that week’s class (this was before e-mail; that makes me sound so ancient).
She had very little financially, but her heart was larger than most people’s. In other words, she was - in my eyes - a very wonderful Muslim Masha’Allah. Everyone, believe me everyone, in the community praised her galore. But of course, humans being humans, we are not content with praising someone; we have to reveal peoples’ faults as though we have been transported directly down from heaven in a pure state. Now everyone is mad at her because she remarried (and she went back to a Muslim country where her husband resides and works)… and the same ppl who were praising her to the high heavens yesterday, are having their gossip fests today like pata nahin unn ki tau Eid ho gai keoun kai kissi ki buraai karnay ka mauqa mil gia.
People don’t want to accept the fact that she remarried after her first husband passed away (may Allah Bless his soul and give him jannat, he was a very very naik man). i don’t understand, i argued about this with my relatives as well. Why shouldn’t she remarry ? If someone was willing to take care of her, financially and mentally, why shouldn’t she accept that? i really don’t want to sound callous here, but according to Islam, we are not supposed to spend the rest of our God-given lives in perpetual mourning for someone. That makes me sound SO dreadfully mean - please understand my perspective, though. According to Islam, one is not supposed to cry and grieve for someone years after they have passed away; of course you should pray for their soul’s peace. But - people want her to remain in mourning for the rest of her life and cry her eyes out every day. Why should she do that and ruin her mental health in the process? Is THAT Islamic? She is in her mid 40s. Someone has seen something special in her and wanted to give her mental and financial support. Is that so wrong ? Where in our society would a single widowed lady find the financial assistance ? She isn’t committing a sin Nauzubillah, she did the right thing by marrying him. Remarriage is not prohibited in Islam.
This is not about her not respecting the memory of her first husband. i know this Aunty so well, she loved him like anything and she took care of him at the hospital when he was so terribly injured that he couldn’t even sit up without help. She did everything that a nurse would do - she bathed him, she fed him, helped him with his physical therapy. Insha’Allah his soul is at peace now.
Is she supposed to lead the rest of her life mourning something that was Allah’s decision ? From Islam’s perspective, i very much doubt that.
i’m like dude, you can’t expect someone to keep mourning for the rest of their lives. Kia tumharay entertainment kai liyay mourning karay ? Who is to say that she doesn’t pray for her deceased husband’s maghfirat every day and night? Who is to say that she doesn’t carry love and respect for him, still, in her heart until the day she dies. She must still love him. But why demand someone to cry and mourn when, Islamically, we are not supposed to do that beyond a specified period of time. Would Allah be Pleased with that?
Double standards 