I’ve been thinking about this since i read sweet_iez55 thread and stardust’s thread. And also it got me thinking about one of my friends.How can you really be sure to trust someone?
In sweet_iez55 thread it was about how she wants to marry this guy and someone else said that if he’s introduced you to his family then surely it means it will happen. wrong.
My friends boyfriend has introduced her to the whole of his family after one month of going out with each other. (They’ve been together for about 6 months now and plan to get married).
However despite this everyone loved her, loved her going round got on with her, was genuinly happy.
Then things turned, She found out he cheated on her (But she still doesnt believe it) i dont know why. She gave him another chance. I’ve told her plently of times this guy isnt for you, and believe me this girl is so pretty mashallah she cud get anyone. But instead she settled for sum loser (Love is blind) Anyway she pays her way when she visit’s i.e she buys food, buys his nephew/neices gifts all the time (and im talking about expensive gifts) She’s been introduced to the WHOLE family khala’s khalo’s the lot. Even daddy ami.
Everyone really liked her wud always call her over to the house all the time.
Anyway she goes over to his sisters house (she normally txt’s her when she comes but this time she forgot) His sister starts crying to her mum saying i dont want her at my house i dont even like her why she at my house?.. My friend starts crying to her bf saying why she sayin this etc? jus bcoz i didnt txt her. Its ridiculous tbh… then her son about 7 years old comes home frm school and says ‘’ whats this ***** doing here?‘’ erm.. excuse me?
It makes me wonder how a 7 year old can talk to some one like that! Knowing its his mamo’s to be wife. Anyway so she asks me to add him on FB and to check if i can see her pictures (that she told him to put up of her) and i said erm no?.. so we’ve come to a conclusion that he blocked evry girl frm seeing HER pics so it doesnt look like hes even in a relationship…
Then i said to her i bet he has another FB account.. and was i right? Yes i was! he had another account. So Guppies it doesnt matter if your bf has introduced u to mummy daddy bajji bhaijaan etc etc , Fact is you will NEVER know the real person its really hard to trust someone.
Also with stardust’s thread i was gonna say again, healthy relationship with husband n wife and he hides that.
So How can we really trust someone? Is it better for Abbu and Ami to find our rishta so if sh*t happens we atleast have that satisfaction that *‘they’ *chose them and not yourself?
You cant live life by wrapping yourself in cotton wool. The only thing you can do is evaluate people, situations and circumstances and make the best decision accordingly. At the end of the day if you do things the right way and they dont work out... so what? yeah sure you'll be hurt but sh!t happens and people move on. The best thing you can do is put your trust in allah and he will guide you towards your kismat whether it be good or bad. You've just got to learn to deal with it. Life is a test and were always put in situations we dont like... Just think of it as a problem that was written in your destiny and move on.
You cant live life by wrapping yourself in cotton wool. The only thing you can do is evaluate people, situations and circumstances and make the best decision accordingly. At the end of the day if you do things the right way and they dont work out... so what? yeah sure you'll be hurt but sh!t happens and people move on. The best thing you can do is put your trust in allah and he will guide you towards your kismat whether it be good or bad. You've just got to learn to deal with it. Life is a test and were always put in situations we dont like... Just think of it as a problem that was written in your destiny and move on.
yes ofcourse and that too... If the guy is being a dog to you and you decide to say 'oh im being good and doing things the right way, ill just put my trust in allah and he'll sort things out' then sorry ur just acting stupid.
Pick up on signs... If he seems decent then he probably is.. If he acts like an ass then mooove on
I guess you can try to, discreetly as possible, try to find out what the guy is like when you start developing feelings for him and are contemplating getting into a serious relationship with him. That way, if you happen to find out (somehow), that he's not reliable........you can stop yourself from getting into a relationship with him ........or prevent yourself from getting in too deep.
And needless to say....this is easier said than done.......because many people tend to get get carried away by their crush-like emotions........and end up getting deeply involved and MUCH LATER they think to actually "check" the person out. Only by then, you've invested so much heart and energy into the toxic individual that it's hard to convince yourself to get out of the situation.....so it's heart rules over mind.
For one to think about doing some investigation during the crushy-wushy stage to determine whether or not they should get involved on a deeper level...........would require a greater level of awareness and consciousness......to be able to look at the person objectively and not allow your perceptions to be colored by your emotions. It's tough.
And of course.............things might genuinely be good in the beginning.......there might truly not be anything wrong at all with the guy/girl. He or she may truly have a spotless reputation.....is not involved in anything shady behind your back at all........a too good to be true situation. And then..........months later..............something goes wrong.
Marriage/relationships are a gamble. It may be less of a gamble if you've researched the person enough.........but it's still a gamble nonetheless because you don't KNOW a person unless you start living with them.
**And I've never liked the idea of parents wanting to select their child's partner because if the marriage fails......they can take the blame upon themselves. I've even heard parents say that if their son/daughter chooses the partner themselves..................they would feel less inclined to give their child "support" if the marriage is on the rocks (because the spouse was not chosen by them). I find that disturbing.........your child is your child......and as a parent.......it's your responsibility to support **within reason. Also, it's not healthy for parents to put the blame of a bad marriage (that THEY have arranged) on themselves. It's unhealthy to allow yourself to live under that guilt because a marriage can break down due to MANY factors and issues between the couple....................that mommy and daddy had absolutely nothing to do with. You arranged the marriage.........but the task of making it work rests upon the "bachay". If you're not pleased with your parents' choice.....then stand up for yourself.
NO SITUATION............whether it's a love marriage or arranged marriage.............comes with a guarantee. You just do your best to take precautions, pray for the best, and act practically.
Mixedbeauty..............I hope, for the sake of your friend, that she soon develops the courage to ditch this guy (if she hasn't done so already). To a certain extent........wanting to stay with someone who blatantly disrespects you............MIGHT be an issue of lack of self-esteem/respect.
Or maybe it's simply that your friend has invested way too much heart into this relationship and she doesn't want to believe (is in denial) that all the time she put in was a complete waste. Maybe she'd like to believe that her spend efforts/time/emotions/energy had all been been put to good use and .........doesn't want to feel like a fool or that she was "led on" "taken for a ride".........and is trying to convince herself that the guy CAN change.
I guess you can try to, discreetly as possible, try to find out what the guy is like when you start developing feelings for him and are contemplating getting into a serious relationship with him. That way, if you happen to find out (somehow), that he's not reliable........you can stop yourself from getting into a relationship with him ........or prevent yourself from getting in too deep.
And needless to say....this is easier said than done.......because many people tend to get get carried away by their crush-like emotions........and end up getting deeply involved and MUCH LATER they think to actually "check" the person out. Only by then, you've invested so much heart and energy into the toxic individual that it's hard to convince yourself to get out of the situation.....so it's heart rules over mind.
For one to think about doing some investigation during the crushy-wushy stage to determine whether or not they should get involved on a deeper level...........would require a greater level of awareness and consciousness......to be able to look at the person objectively and not allow your perceptions to be colored by your emotions. It's tough.
And of course.............things might genuinely be good in the beginning.......there might truly not be anything wrong at all with the guy/girl. He or she may truly have a spotless reputation.....is not involved in anything shady behind your back at all........a too good to be true situation. And then..........months later..............something goes wrong.
Marriage/relationships are a gamble. It may be less of a gamble if you've researched the person enough.........but it's still a gamble nonetheless because you don't KNOW a person unless you start living with them.
**And I've never liked the idea of parents wanting to select their child's partner because if the marriage fails......they can take the blame upon themselves. I've even heard parents say that if their son/daughter chooses the partner themselves..................they would feel less inclined to give their child "support" if the marriage is on the rocks (because the spouse was not chosen by them). I find that disturbing.........your child is your child......and as a parent.......it's your responsibility to support **within reason. Also, it's not healthy for parents to put the blame of a bad marriage (that THEY have arranged) on themselves. It's unhealthy to allow yourself to live under that guilt because a marriage can break down due to MANY factors and issues between the couple....................that mommy and daddy had absolutely nothing to do with. You arranged the marriage.........but the task of making it work rests upon the "bachay". If you're not pleased with your parents' choice.....then stand up for yourself.
NO SITUATION............whether it's a love marriage or arranged marriage.............comes with a guarantee. You just do your best to take precautions, pray for the best, and act practically.
She did finish him. But knowing her she will run back. I really hope she doesnt. Even her dad is asking her 'are you sure?' I gave her a GOOD LONG talking to that shes young free and beautiful (mashallah) she has had lovely rishta's she's refused and even guys doing ANYTHING for her. I hope she realise's and doesnt go back Inshallah.
Thank you everyone for your input especially to redvelvet.
