Alright Everyone, I need your help again…in understanding how a pre-nuptial agreement is okay??? I dont like it at all…
A friend of mine is talking to this guy for marriage purposes.
Background:
He is divorced and still has a bad taste in his mouth from it because ex-wife took half of everything. He was amazed to find out women in American actually have rights and can claim things. His moved his money/investments overseas to Pakistan as soon as the divorce was final…they’re still there. He wants her to sign a pre-nup relinquishing all claims to any and all of his wealth prior to marriage. He also made her aware she might have to sponsor him in the future because he doesnt have Permanent Residency.
She is divorced as well but her’s was pretty amicable and they werent together long enough to invest.
I thought once you were married you shared EVERYTHING. Am I wrong? Is this right? How can this feel like anything aside from an arrangement? How can you fall in love when you dont trust him? Could you guys do this?
It also seems like she is taking majority of the risk here…
he still gotta pay her haqa mehr.. maybe she can ask it to be paid half upon marriage and half when divorce is to take place. in that case, she could set her haq mehr pretty high to safeguard her future.
good point about haq mahar, assuming this is a muslim friend you are talking about...
if he can have a pre-nup,
she most certainly can have a high haq mahar to even things out...
and also haq meher doesn't necessarily have to be monetary...
it can be a shart/condition too, or even a combination of some shart (condition) and some money ...
so she can propose her own set of conditions as haq meher, in the form of a document which he would have to sign, agree to in front of witnesses as "haq meher"
Actually the guy got burned, coz he beleived he's the one who made all the money and lets not say he's mean because every guy works hard for his family, but in the end he saw that his marriage ended, not only did what he worked for was fruitless, his ex wife took half of his money, and imagine him feeling now she could go and get married and share his hard earned money with another man? hmmm..... If I were in his place i wouldnt want that happening to me.
As far as the girl is concerned, one feels bad that she has to deal with this kind of a situation as obviously none of us want to sign any such agreements before marriage as its supposed to be sacred and not materialistic, but sadly in this instance she is dealing with someone with past baggage and she might have to compromise.
Also, the reason you cannot expect this guy to re-consider his pre-nup demand is because he knows that the girl's previous marriage didnt quite work out, and what if it doesnt work out with him, he'll be left with nothing?
See...... you gotta take some things with a pinch of salt! :(
good point about haq mahar, assuming this is a muslim friend you are talking about...
if he can have a pre-nup,
she most certainly can have a high haq mahar to even things out...
and also haq meher doesn't necessarily have to be monetary...
it can be a shart/condition too, or even a combination of some shart (condition) and some money ...
so she can propose her own set of conditions as haq meher, in the form of a document which he would have to sign, agree to in front of witnesses as "haq meher"
I didnt know haq mehr could be anything aside from money...this is very good!
Pre-nups are a very delicate matter. Even if they sign one, if a divorce does happen the pre-nup could become meaningless.
Ohmigosh TDW, you have no idea! I was cracking up when I read the email he wrote to her! He said "it is very hard here, women have rights and can claim money and husband's wealth".
Women have rights? I dont like this guy but she is considering him because she feels like she may be running out of options.
Laiba, I understand what you say. I really do but I guess in my mind I would picture marriage to be something two people jump into with equal amount of risk. Also, how can she trust him, sponsor him and he make her sign a pre-nup? If he gets his greencard, what is stopping him from leaving her? What if she has kids until then too?
When I get married, I dont want to think about these things...I want to actually care about the person and want to be with them.
^ I really hope hes not using this marriage to become a permanent resident, and then ditch her. There are two ways to become one, i) If you're a skilled employee and your company can prove they cant replace you with a US citizen ii) Get married. TRUST me route i) is extremely difficult, hectic, and takes a long time. Route ii) is a piece of cake. This may not be the case but with this guy's insistence on not to give in, i.e. her rights to half of what hes worth, this might be a possibility.
Ohmigosh TDW, you have no idea! I was cracking up when I read the email he wrote to her! He said "it is very hard here, women have rights and can claim money and husband's wealth".
Women have rights? I dont like this guy but she is considering him because she feels like she may be running out of options.
HAHAHA --- thats funny, but very serious a deal in real life if thats the kinda person you're fronted with!
your friend should be careful, I beleive one should only marry for good reason and when things just seem right. In this instance, both seem to be trying to make things seem right. But if things are just not right, they're not. Marriages dont work out like that.
I would ask your friend to reconsider what is she getting herself into.. i don't like the tone of this man and if he was surprised to find out that women have rights than you can only imagine what he is going to be like in future..
better to be safe than sorry.. no one ever runs out of options.. as Allah always gives better options to those who search for it.
now he doesn't want the pre-nuptial agreement either? well that is good isn't it? so the guy has given in hasn't he? that a girl. your friend finally got him down on his knees. good job!