How a man is supposed to deal with a female adversary

[NomiCA]

Re: How a man is supposed to deal with a female adversary

@redvelvet

And in response I ask you the following questions: Do you give greater priority to religion or culture? To Allah or the men of your culture that will not come to your aid on the Day of Reckoning? Decide for yourself whom you fear more; the men or their Creator.

1. If she’s not backing down, then you have the right to physically defend yourself.

2. If she has backed down and then you strike her…it’s not going to diffuse the conflict. There’s a chance it can escalate. And even if the score-board is now even, how are you any different or better than her? You both showed a loss of self-control; it’s just that she lost it before you.

3. If you had provoked/hurt her in some way prior to her physical attack; then you have a responsibility to reflect upon your own transgressions. Being a man is not only about physical strength; it’s about character as well and the latter has much to do with self-restraint.

4. There’s a female coworker on my team who is the perfect example of a work-place bully. She resorts to name-calling via text and insulting colleagues in conferences and in front of their students. I am fully capable of verbally knocking her down a few pegs. However, I chose not to stoop to her level (as tempting as it was). As a result, it strengthened my case when I showed the evidence to admin. Alhumdolillah my reputation is in a better place than hers. Imagine how much more shameful it will now be for her…simply because the other person took a higher road. Sometimes, Nomi, the guilt/shame of a transgression stings worse when we don’t respond in kind. Sometimes relationships are saved when at least one person has better self-control.

well i am not asking how i would behave in such a case “astaghfirulla”…sheesh… i am not getting chhitrol from my wife… :

and coming to the topic, you are right about what an ideal person would/should do…also, we can not totally cut out the cultural/societal influences from such situations… i am talking about societal attitudes towards such real life siutations - where there are imperfect people who don’t take the moral high ground… i am talking about an average joe…

anyhow, you did state your views regarding different scenarios…

[redvelvet]

Re: How a man is supposed to deal with a female adversary

@NomiCA

well i am not asking how i would behave in such a case “astaghfirulla”…sheesh… i am not getting chhitrol from my wife… :

and coming to the topic, you are right about what an ideal person would/should do…also, we can not totally cut out the cultural/societal influences from such situations… i am talking about societal attitudes towards such real life siutations - where there are imperfect people who don’t take the moral high ground… i am talking about an average joe…

anyhow, you did state your views regarding different scenarios…

I know you well enough to where I never thought that this was about you. I don’t have any doubts about your marriage; nor do you strike me as the kind to hit a woman (wife or otherwise). I was speaking generally.

Cultural views are not always sound. You will come across “men” who believe that a woman should be taught an equivalent or greater lesson for striking a guy…and they will turn a blind eye to any provoking/harassment instigated by the guy. They will view your walking away as cowardice. You will even find women who share this view. I feel that I have answered your question. You have to make that decision for yourself as to whether or not you want to “cut out” cultural/societal influences if you know they are not in alignment with religion. Or even if you remove religion from the equation, it’s still your choice whether you surrender to cultural expectations…or whether you want to take heed of your zameer to reflect upon your own transgressions in the conflict…etc etc. We’re surrounded by all kinds of “influences” and people will always have opinions, but you can’t please everyone. Alongside ego, insaan has been given aqal and a conscience. It all boils down to choice…and you do have control over that and your responses.

[NaanGuard]

Re: How a man is supposed to deal with a female adversary

You take it like a man…lets get real, a girl unless she knows mma and cant legit knock you out…its not suppose to hurt, and if it does you take it. The amount of dmg an avg guy can do compared to the avg girl is like 10x more…so no, you don’t ever hit a girl. Best thing to do, is practice playing dodgball in your free time…that way when she throws plates and knives you have the reflexes are on par.. and learn to dodge and run away from the situation…

[decentGuy]

Re: How a man is supposed to deal with a female adversary

In real life situations, people don’t see who is right or who is wrong. They see who is powerful and what’s in it for them. Once they’ve made that assessment, they side with the powerful. When I was new in the US, I encountered this woman who was extremely abusive with me but since she was privileged and well-connected, nobody made a whiff even though I kept explaining how it was none of my fault. And many people knew that but stayed silent. Basically it happened when someone took me along to this party on Eid. I reconfirmed ahead of time with another family who told me it will be alright. But this lady there kept telling me that I was not invited and I kept explaining how it was not my fault and apologized several times. The guy who took me along and the other family stayed silent the whole time. I learned a big unforgettable lesson that day.

[third_string]

Re: How a man is supposed to deal with a female adversary

@decentGuy

In real life situations, people don’t see who is right or who is wrong. They see who is powerful and what’s in it for them. Once they’ve made that assessment, they side with the powerful. When I was new in the US, I encountered this woman who was extremely abusive with me but since she was privileged and well-connected, nobody made a whiff even though I kept explaining how it was none of my fault. And many people knew that but stayed silent. Basically it happened when someone took me along to this party on Eid. I reconfirmed ahead of time with another family who told me it will be alright. But this lady there kept telling me that I was not invited and I kept explaining how it was not my fault and apologized several times. The guy who took me along and the other family stayed silent the whole time. I learned a big unforgettable lesson that day.

Did she not like you?

[decentGuy]

Re: How a man is supposed to deal with a female adversary

@third_string

Did she not like you?

I had met her for the first time.

[Shareefbacha95]

Re: How a man is supposed to deal with a female adversary

If you are a male feminist, then you beat the sh*t outta her because it’s 2018 and men and women are 100% equals.

[LP]

Re: How a man is supposed to deal with a female adversary

@Shareefbacha95

If you are a male feminist, then you beat the sh*t outta her because it’s 2018 and men and women are 100% equals.

Your post brought a visual of what TS said earlier

@third_string

however if she hits you once and backs off then you don’t have any legal protections to let you go all Jackie Chan on her.

[pktun]

Re: How a man is supposed to deal with a female adversary

Agr wife bachon ki dhulaei kr rhi ho tou sath sath brey bache aka husband ki bhi dhulaei ho jaey tou its ok…Men are just na samjh adult bachey for wives…

[Southie]

Re: How a man is supposed to deal with a female adversary

@LP

You’re right. I was talking about extreme situations and not the mild one’s he mentioned.

Why r u being an extremist

[redvelvet]

Re: How a man is supposed to deal with a female adversary

@Southie

Why r u being an extremist

Oh Six-Pack-Southie!

Bataiye…how will you respond if a female adversary strikes you?

[Southie]

Re: How a man is supposed to deal with a female adversary

@redvelvet

Oh Six-Pack-Southie!

Bataiye…how will you respond if a female adversary strikes you?

In addition to my six-pack, I am also very fleet of foot.

[gupshup70]

Re: How a man is supposed to deal with a female adversary

@third_string

If she lays a hand on you just report her to authorities, even if she gets off without prosecution it’ll still mess up her permanent record

Thats stooping too low. U should definitely have a good talk with her and she needs an anger management class and needs to see a therapist. U must set your boundaries. Also marriage counseling will be helpful. If that doesnt help, move on (unless this is acceptable to you- which it shouldn’t be). I hope u dont have kids bc they learn from home, u do not want to raise your kids in an abused relationship, bc they will learn its ok to be treated in this way.

[third_string]

Re: How a man is supposed to deal with a female adversary

@gupshup70

Thats stooping too low. U should definitely have a good talk with her and she needs an anger management class and needs to see a therapist. U must set your boundaries. Also marriage counseling will be helpful. If that doesnt help, move on (unless this is acceptable to you- which it shouldn’t be). I hope u dont have kids bc they learn from home, u do not want to raise your kids in an abused relationship, bc they will learn its ok to be treated in this way.

Lol how is it stooping to low? Just report her to the cops, let the law decide what should be an appropriate measure.

[NavAhmed]

Re: How a man is supposed to deal with a female adversary

hmmm, this thread reminds me few years back I was in relationship with this girl, and one day we had a massive fight, she punched me a few times in my arm very hard, and then I had to put a bandage on her knuckles and console her all night!

[gupshup70]

Re: How a man is supposed to deal with a female adversary

You are guiding him wrong, just being a spectator. Its pretty mean to say report her so she gets a permanent record. After all they are a couple and should resolve it like adults with respect and dignity not smearing each other’s name! Why damage the other person bc once i am sure they loved/liked/ whatever each other

[third_string]

Re: How a man is supposed to deal with a female adversary

@gupshup70

You are guiding him wrong, just being a spectator. Its pretty mean to say report her so she gets a permanent record. After all they are a couple and should resolve it like adults with respect and dignity not smearing each other’s name! Why damage the other person bc once i am sure they loved/liked/ whatever each other

“Don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time!”

[redvelvet]

Re: How a man is supposed to deal with a female adversary

@third_string

“Don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time!”

I don’t see it as stooping. But I do see where she’s coming from. Things are not so black and white when you’re in a marriage and even more so when you have kids. With the latter, you have to question whether you want to subject them to the drama of calling the cops on a parent.

[third_string]

Re: How a man is supposed to deal with a female adversary

@redvelvet

I don’t see it as stooping. But I do see where she’s coming from. Things are not so black and white when you’re in a marriage and even more so when you have kids. With the latter, you have to question whether you want to subject them to the drama of calling the cops on a parent.

You’re right, I wouldn’t ever do that personally. However I thought OP was talking about a fight with like a random woman, not necessarily a spouse.

[Iconoclast]

Re: How a man is supposed to deal with a female adversary

If it’s a spouse, put your shoes on and run. No lady will ever be physical.