The pool of non/Pakistani Muslims is very small. Dating a non muslim in hopes he will convert - huge waste of time. It does happen but much more rarely. Non-Pakistani muslim guys would include converts = have you met these people? A lot of them are way too strict and extreme because they got converted from some rabid mullah who is angry at tight jeans because he prolly can’t fit in them.
I’ve met lots of converts. I cannot think of one normal one. On the other hand I dunno why but the convert girls aren’t so extreme. And the ones who marry Pakistanis..like the gorian…let’s be real. Some may be genuine but some are gold diggers. A qualified desi guy who makes a proper paycheck can get a white girl easily. And he can show off to his friends and since desi guys often aren’t as traditional (most I know don’t know Urdu) it works out better for them in lifestyle.
A lot of my doctor guy friends married Goris. Like a lot. Because it was a status thing for them. And some have converted some have not. One married a drop dead gorgeous Hindu girl.
Marriages the other way around are far more rare. Just have up on one guy on half our deen who thinks it’s improper to talk to a girl on the phone because it breaks hijab.
He is white and grew up in a Christian household. I’m like…no that’s not haram buddy.
Like someone said earlier. Easier said than done. I know myself and girls like me looking in their 30’s and it’s not like we are not trying. We work out nearly daily, we watch what we eat, we put effort into our looks, we network with friends, our profiles are all over the net, we go to rishta events, parents are taking to everyone etc.
My bestie from grad school years - married a gora at the end she luckily found at a local masjid. He is normal actually and converted when he was posted in Iraq. But her mom was a rishta Aunty and she couldn’t find a match for her daughter. Her younger sister is pretty a socialite, bachelors only educated, not a threatening professional like a plastic surgeon or lawyer and she got picked out in 2 min at ISNA.
Why? Cuz she is the perceived lower maintenance option - not as educated, doesn’t work, twirls her hair around her fingers and pops bubble gum.
Surprisingly it’s my doctor friend that is the low maintenance one. Her pretty sister is running a bill up her husbands behind, he has to work extra to keep up.
Plenty of other examples, mostly docs, of females that are pretty and nice and still single. Docs because they spend their 20’s in training.
And it does fall back on society to an extent. Any girl who married before her education is complete often is made to give it up. I know countless of training docs that had to abandon their career after marriage. They couldn’t finish their steps because MiL won’t let her. MANY such stories. In fact there are stats in this from Pakistani medical colleges and even the APPNA president addressed this issue this time. So for those of us who waited to complete long training, it was because our moms were afraid to marry us off in that stressful period in our lives. I chose to out off marriage in residency because year one I had no time to pee doing 30 he shifts and breaking hours with 100-120 hr work weeks. I couldn’t make ISNA and other events - couldn’t keep my head straight to know when they even were. Then in the remaining of residency I had multiple personal problems I don’t think it would have been healthy to marry at the time. Some residency programs told us their divorce rate. It’s not pretty. Residency is a hard time so many decide to delay marriage including guys. The guys who were married to desi girls in residency told us not to get married - too hard to juggle the demands of a wife and work. How do you think juggling demands of a husband would have been? They want more from you.
I can’t marry most of the guys out there. Their moms want me to stop working or go part time or they expect I’ll be home by 5 pm on the dot. Doesn’t work like that.
My sister is a lawyer - she comes home at 10 and works sometimes even on weekends. Law school was so bad she lost like 20 lbs and looked like she had an eating disorder.
I mean you people talk but half of you haven’t been through what we girls have and even if you did education in Pakistan…challenges here are much harder. You end up with school debt too - that drives some guys away. And mentally with the amount of mental stamina your college/grad school etc demands it’s not easy to be a wife and a working woman. Yes if you has a nice tidy 9-5 job maybe, but I don’t have that schedule and so I require a guy and family that will be supportive. It’s not my fault that is less common - society has chosen to be less supportive of girls.
So let’s stop blaming the girls for everything. It really does lead to depression. I’m pretty sure if I stopped comin to GS , 90% of my pareshanian would go away. The doomsday scare I get from you guys not even from the desis in my real life.