I found this forum on my husbands phone in his favorites…so I wanted to check it out. Allah forgive me. Here goes: I am a Gori my husband is Pakistani. Our 3 children are mixed (
), specifically I’m American. I am a revert, HOWEVER, before I ever knew Islam I’ve learned that I’ve always been Muslim and didn’t realize it. I didn’t believe in Christianity the way it is today. So, I was never comfortable in church.
With that said. We have been married for 15 years now. Our oldest is 10 and younges is 4. I want to understand more.
Per the conversations, I’ve begged my husband to teach the children Punjabi/Urdu because if he doesn’t then it does with him and they can’t carry on the language. It’s not important that they marry desi but it is important they marry a Muslim. However, that aside my husband hasn’t taught any of them one letter of the alphabet. I’ve begged him to put the children in Islamic SUNDAY school at the very least…nope.
I wanted to get a perspective from other desi people…I do hope you all forgive me and will let me stay on here. I also want to learn Urdu/Punjabi myself…I would love to have a conversation with his mother one day.
Re: Honesty is best policy
Welcome @Rehman01 to GS family. 
Now everyone is different everywhere, and so at GS. So everyone may give a different opinion which they are entitled to. In the end its all upto you how to use the best of your judgement.
Whats between you and your husband is defo among you two only. So lets keep it that way. But i appreciate you being upfront.
As you read you’ll know desi perspectives, issues, solutions etc. I also suggest you to look for the past threads as GS has been a treasure of valuable forums, threads and posts for more than 20 years now.
I hope you like your stay.
Re: Honesty is best policy
What do you want to discuss with your MIL? Why is it not possible to use interpreter in between you and MIL?
Re: Honesty is best policy
Seems like he wants to distance himself from “Pakistani” or “Islam”
Or could be not bothered
Would his mum be the same?
Re: Honesty is best policy
Welcome to GS. Glad to have you here.
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His mom is not like him. She’s kind and very good to me. Even with the language barrier…she speaks Punjabi…
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The interpreter would be my husband and he’s not very patient with those things. It’s bothersome to him. I would like to be able to discuss simple things like how she is, how she’s feeling, if she’s hungry, would she like to teach me some of her best recipes my husband enjoys, happenings back in Pakistan how my sister in laws are and the kids, etc. how my father in law is doing…
Re: Honesty is best policy
Re: Honesty is best policy
Don’t see what is the issue
Can easily get hold of language by listening and observing more
Re: Honesty is best policy
Our culture and literature section can be helpful too
Culture, Arts, Literature & Linguistics
You can open new threads if you want any interpretation.
PS: Welcome is “Khush-Aamdeed” in Urdu and “Jee aaya Noon” in Punjabi, just saying.
Re: Honesty is best policy
Why does your husband have to put the children in Islamic Sunday school? Why can’t you enroll them? Did your husband tell you that he didn’t want you to enroll them?
As for kids learning Punjabi/Urdu, if your husband doesn’t want to teach them, you can’t for him (obviously). Does your 10-year show any interest in learning the language?
I also find it surprising that after 15 YEARS, you have not learned some basic Punjabi/Urdu words where you can ask your MIL how she’s doing and stuff like that. Does your city not have a active Pakistani community? Your husband doesn’t have any other family members (sister, cousin, brother’s wife etc.) who speaks English and can help you learn basic Urdu/Pakistani? You haven’t been able to find a single online resource where you can teach yourself basic Punjabi/Urdu? Have you ever Googled this or looked up videos on YouTube?
Re: Honesty is best policy
Okay…first question answered is: it costs quite a bit to enroll each of our 3 children in the school (even a “Sunday” school program. So, ultimately yes it is up to him to agree with the decision to enroll.
2nd:::obviously I’m not able to. And I have a 2 year old child’s comprehension of words…I can’t form full sentences unless I want to ask how are you or what’s your name…or maybe count to 10. So, basic understanding somewhat speaking nope…also, YES, my oldest even took the book we purchased 14 years ago to read and learn from…so yeah she does. Actually, she’s very good kid in our religion as she prays with me and we read Quran and talk about the prophets, and expresses interest in even living in Pakistan one day…Thanks be to Allah. (Which we aren’t opposed to either)
Lastly:::No. my husband doesn’t have any family close to here to help me learn (of his siblings he’s the only one here in the states).
In fact when his father came 10 years ago he was more focused on me learning Arabic!!! (Which is important…however Urdu has like 3 letters more than Arabic so I would have benefited learning Urdu!) as far as friends close by…when we were younger yeah..I picked up somethings…again hit and miss (comprehension of a 2 year old at best). However, as adults do we’ve grown apart and live in different states…HE unfortunately isn’t as lively as I am. He’s an IT guy.
And at this stage in my life…I’ve thought about you tube 
and purchasing apps and all that jazz but what’s the use if he doesn’t even want to teach the kids?? What would I do with it?? Early on in the marriage I studied the alphabet and tried to learn with a cd/book combo and really put forth effort without an outcome. Then babies came along, his father came here and was more interested in me learning Arabic (as mentioned)…life happens.
DO NOT get me wrong. He’s a great husband/father and I am so thankful for him everyday.
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Thank you! I tried to try t out on my phone, but will probably work better on my pc!!
Re: Honesty is best policy
Yes, I agree. But, it’s only if we were around more people like we were when we were younger and didn’t have to adult.