How does one work out if people are honest or lying in these marriage settings?
Re: Honest
Even if a background check is done by asking the potential’s family members or acquaintances sometimes isn’t helpful though because some people are so good at hiding important information. I experienced a situation where the guy had a psychological disorder of of extreme anxiety where he sweats and can’t really function for those few seconds but his immediate family did everything in their power to hide it even if some people said that he was rumored to having a mental disorder. Of course in the old country the words used were “crazy” so you don’t know if it’s just a rumor or just idle gossip. If his mother was asked point blank, is there something we need to know about the guy like medical history or any other issues about him, she revealed nothing. Mental health is still something we hide and are ashamed of it. It’s sad that his own family feels that it’s something shameful that needs to be hidden.
So, to answer your question, I don’t think there’s a concrete way of making sure if people are honest when it comes to the marriage settings.
Re: Honest
I don’t think they are ever honest except when they want things to go their way. I recently experienced a broken engagement because the guy’s family had high expectations from us regarding dowry, and my parents didn’t want to do that much. Also, I found out his age on the day of the engagement (he was 24, but the information they gave us previously was that he was 28). So yeah, you have to be careful when considering someone as a life partner.
Re: Honest
I can give u some advice acc to my experience,
if guy wants to get settled abroad (assuming u r living in pak), plz ask clearly have the family members or he himself already applied for a visa? (IT IS IMPORTANT)
they must be honest in telling u that u r gonna live alone or in joint family after marriage.
Re: Honest
Iam not in Pakistan, he is.
How do you be careful, what quesitons can you ask? should you let his brother/sister bother him? how they are ? should you let them lie even a little bit or any lie and you should end it?
what are some red flags?
Re: Honest
It’s really hard to know if someone is lying or not. Usually you will have to take a leap of faith (especially if you are going through a pakistani guy). I always give this advice to girls who are looking at pakistani guys is to take the process slow. Usually everything is all good and happy during the marriage process but once you get married everything turns 180.
So any ways, to answer your question, there are various avenues you can go. First is to constantly talk to the person you’re marrying. Ask questions, re-ask those questions in different ways. Some times they skirt around some questions and give general answers (cause they don’t want to lie). Some times people don’t actually lie, they just don’t mention cause you never asked. So asking really important questions also help. Very important to meet the person you’re marrying 1-3x as well. Video chat, skype etc. The more information you can get from him the better.
Secondly is social media, add them on all social media platform you can find. Do a google search, see if you can find any articles or anything about them. I have a habit of searching there name through state marriage licenses just to verify if there telling the truth on being married before. But b/c this guy is from pakistan it would be hard to verify with state/national database sources.
Thirdly is to ask friend and family. This is kind of self explanatory so I won’t go into depth here. If you don’t know any friends and family, than when you meet them is when you ask them.
Red flags…there are different type of red flags, and to tell you the truth when it comes to long distance its hard to determine.
I would first look at the areas where they could be issues. Monetary, Character, Health, Religious.
Of course if you can’t even see and meet the guy and talk to him privately than that in it self I would be a redflag.
Re: Honest
Siblings don’t really out each other in front of a prospective rishta, they’ve got to be on their best behavior then. From my experience, whatever questions you can ask will sometimes be less compared to how they answer back. Like how NaanGuard has commented, you can ask questions to them in different ways, and maybe you can sometimes catch them in a lie/half-truth.