Hey guys i really a honest feedback on my situation my husband is a good man have a nice job and nice all around… But he is alway emotionally unavailable means …example we had a argument last night which started with me just wanted him to ask me how was my day? When i complain that he didnt care to ask ?It becames a big thing he basically gave me a ultimatum that if i need him in my life i need to change?he says i alway complain, i am never happy with him and my point of view is i complain when i feel like i am not being heared or respected… Money is a big issue since he earns it for the family i have to ask or let him known about evey single penny…
I want to be with him what can be done by me to make it better?
He sounds like a rigid person and there is nothing you can do to change him BUT you can change yourself first by stop expecting from him . You know what he will never do or does not like to do so stop complaining about those things. I know it doesn't sound right because he's your husband then from whom will u expect if not him ? but honestly he doesn't sound like an emotional/sensitive person and he doesn't understand your feelings ....so yes stop complaining to him.
It sounds awful to be answerable for every single penny you spent and may be just may be you can ask him to trust you for money (provided he doesn't blow up on you for this).
Plus, I really feel that women going through this in their married life really need a change of focus, change your focus from your husband to yourself/your hobby/your kids/any passion that you may have. You don't need to think about him 24/7and just balance out his presence with other things that you do or like or love in your life.
Thx you soo much soo reply my whole life revolve around him i try very hard not to let him get to me. i cant talk my husband and i dont want to talk about my problems to people around me.. he think i am alway picking a fight.we both have a pretty busy life but its sad that we cant sit with each other for 15 min to talk. Another issue is this whole thing is making me insane i get angry alot and get anxiety attack..😢
don't make your world revolve around your hubby, or even kids.. you have to have a balance with everything. you focus everything on him, that is also why you are having issues, because you do not think about anything else.
I ready started to work on myself i dont want to be cause of every problem so i starting seeing a counsler today soo if he not willing to listen to me aleast i have someone who will and will work with me ... We r on a month break from each other right now living in different room because he want to think about what he wants in life and i want to get my head clear of all the negativity and work on myself
I ready started to work on myself i dont want to be cause of every problem so i starting seeing a counsler today soo if he not willing to listen to me aleast i have someone who will and will work with me ... We r on a month break from each other right now living in different room because he want to think about what he wants in life and i want to get my head clear of all the negativity and work on myself
Why you need to see a counselor ? WHY ? are u the one with a problem here ?
Taking a month break from each other ? let me guess this bright idea must be from your husband....I will be brutally honest with u and forgive me for that BUT he's going to leave you ! You do one teeny weeny mistake now and he will get his golden opportunity. I have gone through your previous threads and seems like because of you he has come to USA and now that his purpose has been served he is not even a tiny bit interested in you. I am sorry you are going through this believe me I know how much it hurts but you need to take a firm position now and stop showing your desperateness to him. Talk with your parents , you both have got married to live together not to live apart for a testing period of one month, he thinks marriage is a joke !
You need to find a job and start working towards your life. YOU are very important and you don't deserve to be treated like this. Get control of your emotions and life. Don't waste your life.
Over he accused me for being physical abusive towards him....according to him in a argument i am loud and push him...which is more in self defence. He is a man i am afarid he might hit so i pushed him to get away from me. he said he cant be in a same room with me because he doesnt feel safe that made me sooo angry because the man i have scarfice soo much is saying this....
i have not done anything to hurt him but he know that i had some depression and anxiety problem he is making that a agenda to make everyone seem i am crazy...
how do i legally protect myself my marriage sadly is probably going to end but i want to protect myself so i dont have my daugther taken from me
Over he accused me for being physical abusive towards him....according to him in a argument i am loud and push him...which is more in self defence. He is a man i am afarid he might hit so i pushed him to get away from me. he said he cant be in a same room with me because he doesnt feel safe that made me sooo angry because the man i have scarfice soo much is saying this....
i have not done anything to hurt him but he know that i had some depression and anxiety problem he is making that a agenda to make everyone seem i am crazy...
how do i legally protect myself my marriage sadly is probably going to end but i want to protect myself so i dont have my daugther taken from me
I don't think he will take away your daughter from you , he just wouldn't want the responsibility.
Correct me if I am wrong that you in USA ? if yes, drag him to court and claim the child support and alimony.
He can and will accuse you of things that you haven't done , how will you protect yourself then ? just act calmly, just think of the evidences that he can produce against you ? I am quite sure none. He must not be having anything against you. He is doing all this to create a drama , to create grounds for divorcing you , and it's very sad.
Again just remain calm , concentrate on your life and your daughter. Don't let him strip you of your mental peace. You have a rough road ahead you need to keep yourself mentally and physically healthy.
Again I am sorry you are going through this, nobody deserves this kind of treatment. Speak of your problems with Allah and ask for His help and He will help !
**how do i legally protect myself **my marriage sadly is probably going to end but i want to protect myself so i dont have my daugther taken from me
To get a divorce attorney ASAP. You need a professional to walk you through the laws in your particular state and give you advice based on your specific situation.
Correct me if I am wrong that you in USA ? if yes, drag him to court and claim the child support and alimony.
Each state in the U.S. has different laws when it comes to divorce. Not all states recognize alimony. Not all states are community property. That's why it's important for anyone in OP's situation to actually talk to a divorce attorney who is licensed to practice in their state.
Over he accused me for being physical abusive towards him....according to him in a argument i am loud and push him...which is more in self defence. He is a man i am afarid he might hit so i pushed him to get away from me. he said he cant be in a same room with me because he doesnt feel safe that made me sooo angry because the man i have scarfice soo much is saying this....
What made you think he was going to hit you? Did he raise his hand in a manner indicating he was about to hit you? Was he physically holding you when you pushed him away? If not, why didn't you walk away?
There are a whole lot of speculations flying around… considering we’re only getting one side of the story.
OP, if he is emotionally unavailable, maybe instead of asking him to ask how your day was, speak with him about what you need… Without complaining about what he doesn’t do and without fighting or getting loud or in each other’s face. If he is upset at you for complaining, perhaps appreciate what he does do for you. You’re going on about what a “good/ nice” person he is, etc, here… Make sure he knows those are your opinions of him, not just the faults.
Regarding the financial part of it, if he is the one working and providing financial support, and you guys are financially struggling… I can understand him being concerned about spending/ unnecessary expenses.
Basically, I think you both need to make time to sit down, either alone or with a counselor, and discuss whats really going on. There appear to be some issues at the surface, and perhaps something deeper that that.
The anger and anxiety you’re feeling could be frustration from not being able to express what you want to him without a fight breaking out. You’re not going insane.
To get a divorce attorney ASAP. You need a professional to walk you through the laws in your particular state and give you advice based on your specific situation.
Each state in the U.S. has different laws when it comes to divorce. Not all states recognize alimony. Not all states are community property. That's why it's important for anyone in OP's situation to actually talk to a divorce attorney who is licensed to practice in their state.
May be not alimony but I am sure her child is entitled to get child support from her father. But then again going for a legal battle is a very big decision, it's the OP who has to suffer at the end of the day. It's not easy to go to courts , incur the expenses of attorney and all plus what will the child go through ?
I hope OP and her husband reach a amicable solution to their problems.
Why not make a list of things that bother you about this relationship? The tough part, ask your husband to do the same. You could probably take him out for coffee, or anywhere public and explain how things don't look good the way they are right now. Having this talk in public reduces the chance of him hitting you or you throwing a tantrum or him throwing a tantrum. Explain that having these kinda fights everyday is not good for your relationship and you guys need a game plan to fix things.
If he agrees to putting things on paper and letting you know what he doesn't like about the relationship that's a start, a step in the direction of you guys finding a solution to this. You putting things on paper eliminates the screaming and shouting. With the paper both of you can focus on the issues instead of "Why did she talk to me that way?" "Why did he scream at me?" I don't know you or him so I can't say if it's work or not but it's worth a shot.
If you wanna be in this relationship finds out if he wants to stay also. If he doesn't, there not much you can do except pray for a miracle(miracles don't happen anymore). If he does then you have something to work with.
There are a whole lot of speculations flying around… considering we’re only getting one side of the story.