Honest feedback needed

Lifestyle Relationships
1

So i was away from my husband for a whole year very tense in that time had a causual conversation with a old friend he offered to meet up and talk but i didnt go now i am back with my husband he found out and thinks i am being dishonest with him… I dont see it as a big deal that i was causually talk to a friend nothing sexual or anything wrong but my husband izzat is hurt

2

Re: Honest feedback needed

Tell him to suck it up. Talking to another guy shouldn't have hurt his "izzat". If you give in now and apologize or whatever, that will only make him feel like he was in the right, etc.
Men can be so ridiculous....believe me, I know exactly how fragile their egos are....

3

Re: Honest feedback needed

I am extremely upset he gave me the silent treatment the whole day i even said sry but he believe i broke his trust by having a conversation with a man i should not have done that and assuming bunch of other **** i am soo scared i felt everything in usa to be with this man and all they can think about is that i am being unfaithful to him even after giving my 110% to his relationship it not enough

4

Re: Honest feedback needed

Let him cool down a bit before you try anything else. If you try justifying your actions now, he may just refuse to listen and/or process what you're saying. Give him a chance to think over what you did and how he reacted. It may be that he reacted with his gut instead of his brain. Guys in general (yes, even american ones) can be shamelessly jealous creatures. Once he's calmed down a little, try to have a logical conversation with him and explain your side of things. Inshallah he will understand.

5

Re: Honest feedback needed

Ya, guys are emotional and hysterical about everything. You let him have a tantrum and then approach him calmly. If there's a relative whom he trusts and is willing to listen to you should try to approach them.

We're you guys separate because of problems or just geographically? If there were problems beforehand then he's just being sensitive and protecting his insecurities he felt during his time apart.

6

Re: Honest feedback needed

Try to understand how he's feeling. I'm not saying what you did was right or wrong, but his anguish stems from a source. Talk to him about it and clear things up with him. You didn't do anything wrong. It's not like you were sharing your personal problems with another man right? I would say he's been away from you for a long time so he can't help but be worried. Give him some love and attention and he will be back to normal. I dont know what your husband is like. This advice is based on him being a sensible man who is just having to deal with some insecurities. You dont need to apologise because you didn't do anything wrong. It's just a misunderstanding that you have to clear up :)

7

Re: Honest feedback needed

the thing is there is a 'trust deficiency' in your relationship. a husband should not suspect anything unless he has some evidence.unsubstantiated 'shak' destroys not only the husband but it destroys his wife too and as a result kids suffer [if they have any].

aaNkh dhokaa hai, kia bharosa hai, suno
dosto, shak dostii kaa dushman hai
apne dil meN ise ghar banaane na do
kal taRapnaa paRe yaad meN jinkii
rok lo, rooTh kar unko jaane na do
ba'd meN pyaar ke chaahe bhejo hazaaroN salaam

vo phir nahiiN aate, vo phir nahiiN aate! :(

8

Re: Honest feedback needed

what a baby

9

Re: Honest feedback needed

So this whole year have you been talking to your old friend without bringing it into your husband's knowledge or it was just this one day?

See, in both cases, when you hide something, even it is right, makes you wrong. If you knew, you were not doing anything wrong, you would have not hidden it from your husband at the first place. You hid, means you knew it wasn't something your husband would appreciate.

If I were you, and if I knew that whatever XYZ thing im doing is not wrong, I would share it with my husband. Things, that I feel, I won't be able to share with my husband, would never do. I always believe, before someone else comes and interprets the situation in a negative way, I should be the first to tell it to my husband.

10

Honest feedback needed

Matter of time my friend, he'll be ok I'm sure. Be consistent in your positive attitude and you'll see him coming back.

11

Re: Honest feedback needed

Any specific reason for your husband to be upset at this particular friend or he gets upset when you talk to any male?

12

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Thx u guys for all ur replies i am trying to be clam things are still not looking up i tired explaining myself he had a idea i was meeting my old friend from school well he is being stubborn and not talking to me at all but better then before

13

Re: Honest feedback needed

Why were you separated for one year?

14

Re: Honest feedback needed

You have already explained yourself and the situation. Now back off and give him time (at least 1 week if not more) to cool off. If he's giving you the silent treatment, then deal with it without nagging him to talk to you/letting go of his anger etc. Him not talking to you a few days is not going to kill you. But for now, stop bring up this situation….ask him other things like how his day was, talking about dinner/other stuff….but do not bring up this situation for now. After a week or so….if he's still not acting normal….then bring it up again.

15

Re: Honest feedback needed

Suppose if he had all the year contact with his old friend from college and he didn't tell u that. And u found it out...

I think ur husband is right. Next time it is good to share this kind of things it avoids situatiions like this.

16

Re: Honest feedback needed

Your husband is insecure and distrustful. A marriage requires trust.

17

Re: Honest feedback needed

Walk it off.

18

Re: Honest feedback needed

Well you mention that it happened when you and your husband were having a tough time. My question then is, what are the boundaries you two have set in you rmarriage?

If you would talk to that old friend even now, when you reconciled, then it wasnt wrong then, and if you would not do it now, then you committed a mistake.