Honest about yourself/others?

Lifestyle Relationships
1

How honest are you about yourself/family/friends when describing characteristics to other people?

For example, people often say that I am a bit hard on myself because I am very candid about my positive and detrimental characteristics. I dont always say “nice” things about myself because to me that isnt giving a better picture of who I really am but a rather skewed one.

Also, once I was describing a relative of mine to someone because he asked me about them and I said outright, “she isnt really pretty”. He was completely taken aback and suggested I should better have lied than said such a thing. I dont feel I should have lied, as it was my opinion. Do you?

Would it have been better to just say all nice things about others or myself? I am talking about characteristics/personality traits of yourself and those around you. Should you be candid and honest or should you only state what are viewed as positive things? Or should you embellish a bit? I admit I have done all three on occassion but more often than not I will stick more to the honest truth of how I feel (or so I believe), especially when it comes to myself. I believe I tend to say more positive things about those other than me.

This refers to describing yourself or others to friends, aunties, rishtas, colleagues, etc. I think we all tend to talk about ourselves, and one thing I have noticed is that people often only mention good things about themselves, which is probably why people often complain that I am too hard on myself at times. So is it better to just mask those things, or is it inappropriate? But if its appropriate to say all positive things then why not detrimental or “not so good” traits?

Or is it just not right to say non-positive qualities about others. Sometimes I think that qualities that may on the outlook be considered “bad” arent really bad at all, but rather normal, that need to be kept at bay.

2

Re: Honest about yourself/others?

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Munni: *
How honest are you about yourself/family/friends when describing characteristics to other people?

For example, people often say that I am a bit hard on myself because I am very candid about my positive and detrimental characteristics. I dont always say "nice" things about myself because to me that isnt giving a better picture of who I really am but a rather skewed one.

Also, once I was describing a relative of mine to someone because he asked me about them and I said outright, "she isnt really pretty". He was completely taken aback and suggested I should better have lied than said such a thing. I dont feel I should have lied, as it was my opinion. Do you?

Would it have been better to just say all nice things about others or myself? I am talking about characteristics/personality traits of yourself and those around you. Should you be candid and honest or should you only state what are viewed as positive things? Or should you embellish a bit? I admit I have done all three on occassion but more often than not I will stick more to the honest truth of how I feel (or so I believe), especially when it comes to myself. I believe I tend to say more positive things about those other than me.

This refers to describing yourself or others to friends, aunties, rishtas, colleagues, etc. I think we all tend to talk about ourselves, and one thing I have noticed is that people often only mention good things about themselves, which is probably why people often complain that I am too hard on myself at times. So is it better to just mask those things, or is it inappropriate? But if its appropriate to say all positive things then why not detrimental or "not so good" traits?

Or is it just not right to say non-positive qualities about others. Sometimes I think that qualities that may on the outlook be considered "bad" arent really bad at all, but rather normal, that need to be kept at bay.
[/QUOTE]

i think most ppl tend to be a lil hard on themselves...atleast ppl who would like to c themselves improve...

honesty is definitly what one should keep in mind at all times...however, in the situation where u said about ur relative, that she's really not that pretty, perhaps in ur eyes she isn't but in someone elses she is :) so u didn't lie cuz u don't think she's pretty, but like i said, to someone else, she might be...while conversating with others, i do keep that kinda thing in mind and emphasize the positive...in case the 2 parties are to meet later on, they can c for themselves if the other person is pretty or not, in their own eyes :)

talkin with someone for the first time/first couple of times, i think someone should not tell the other person what he/she considers as bad qualities in himself/herself...after meetin a few times, yea sure...by that time most likely, they'll start figuring out some stuff for themselves as well...why should this be the course of action in my opinion? cuz well, u don't know if u r meetin the person next time around...why give them the details on the "bad" in u...again, some reasoning as above...what u might consider bad in urself, might not be bad in someone elses opinion :) so just act naturally when u r with them, let 'em c who u really are, and they'll decide for themselves :) u are being honest when u r being urself, and not acting to be someone/somethin else :)

3

i try to look at the most positive things abt everyone, even if i know theyre bad looking i never mention it, if theyve got beautiful eyes and terriable skin i just tell them how beautiful theyre eyes r

in my opinion u shouldnt spk badly abt other ppl, even if its the truth u should try and say the best abt everyone :)

4

being rude about otherz is easy when u try to be honest esp appearence ....i try my best not to go where it hurts...abt meself i am damn honest......not a good idea to hide ur ugly side....

5

I degrade myself to the highest power…as for other people…I only criticise liars, those who are insensitive to others feelings and those that think that they’re BETTER than others…if I knwo someone like that and if I feel it is my duty to warn someone about their behaviour then I do… else…I just give a very neutral explanation.

And no matter how many faults a person has it’s always better to stress on thier good points :k: though I never talk that way about myself..coz to me…I’m the rottenest person ever :smiley:

6

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Not only to yourself LK, not only to yourself…:confused:

7

Yeah I agree…most people think I’m pretty rotten too…guess ther’re right as well :k:

8

Munni has started a good topic of discussion.

As everyone and their mother on GS knows by now, I am extremely candid and forthcoming about my own characteristics/personality. I don’t beat around the bush and I am never politically correct. I think what I think and if anyone has a problem with it, it’s just too bad.

I have always said that I am physically attractive, intelligent, kind, caring, and generous. No one need believe that but me, and if people out there on GS have a problem with me voicing this, it doesn’t bother me. I only get bothered if people I care about in reality are negatively affected.

This is my take on things and so given that, love me or hate me or call me controversial. I’m not bothered by it.

:flower2:

9

About the looks, my friend asked me regarding a rishta, and he specifically stated he didnt want me to sugar coat things, so I stated my opinion. I dont think it was wrong, because I did add that I liked certain things about her (like her smile), and more importantly that shes beautiful inside. To me focus should go to whats internal not external. I may be hideous on the inside but deep down I want a person to like me for what I am internally. I think statements like, "she's ugly" is whats uncalled for, but not "shes okay, just not very beautiful to me". I dont know, I could be wrong to say such things to friends. I will reconsider perhaps, although I feel that when someone is asking for honesty, it should be given in the most polite manner possible. I personally wouldnt want a friend telling me I am gorgeous physically when I weigh 250 pounds, I'd rather they tell me I could look a lot better if I kept fit. I also dont like excessive praise to others, because it often times leads to utmost arrogance, which is even more abhorrent to me than truths. I think when I was younger people praised me so much for certain things that I didnt consider how arrogant I was behaving.

This topics main point was how you speak about yourselves to others. What image you portray. I recently told the employer that just hired me, in a letter I wrote to him, I told him my positive and "negative" characteristics. He told me that because I was so forthcoming, it is one of the main reasons he hired me. Although I would imagine that not all employers feel this way. It is usually people who know me little initially that enjoy my being so candid, and its usually my friends who tell me that I am too hard on myself. I find that interesting.

Xara, I try not to be rude, but it doesnt always happen. Sometimes its unwittingly. sigh

LK, hehe, I'm a bit like you recently, but deep down I do thank Allah for His blessings upon me, because I fear lest I be ungrateful.

sweetpie, I think one of the things I do appreciate about you is your candidness no matter how you feel, its something I notice in other guppies, and somewhat admire. I tend to be more bashful about such things, although I do participate in it myself here and there. But when I do I think to myself that I should not have praised myself like that, as it may lead to arrogance and excessive pride. Its difficult to find that balance. sigh

I'm wondering if I am making sense. Again, its better to only talk about negative aspects of yourself to those whom you know well? Is that the consensus?

And with close friends its okay to be candid about others but not with people you dont know well? Or its only good to say what you like about a person? See this can all depend on the situation I believe, because some of it can lead to backbiting, (which I dont deny I have participated in), but some of it I think is important, like at work and you have a troublesome employee. You dont sit there and say oh hes good with me, and never tell your employer, or do you?

10

Well whats the point of lieing, if i personally think someone is ugly, i will say he or she is ugly according to my opinion but i would tell the 3rd person to make his/her own decison about the person. Cuz i dont want to be blamed from either side for saying something which might turn out wrong, so i cant be bothered and would prefer to stay as far as possible from this kind of social volcano which can errupt anytime!!!

But if some person comes to me to ask about him/her self as an individual i would give him/her my true opinion no matter how negetive, i would not lie to make the person happy. Maybe thats who i am, Blunt, opinionated and staright forward, but people think other wise and just simply label me rude but that is there opinion and not mine so it does not bother me even a bit.

11

Hmm, I was in the office today and picked up this book and I was reading a section on what constitutes backbiting. So it said that backbiting is when you say something about a fellow muslim that they would hate to hear, even if its true.

Therefore, me telling my friend that she is not that pretty to me on the outside, is something she would probably hate to hear. So I am thinking I should not have said it now. I probably should have said, "well its your decision to make.",

Although I do admit that I partake in backbiting kabhi kabhi. cwy I need to stoppppppp. Insha'Allah. sigh

12

Munni thank you. However I want to clarify that when I’m being frank about myself, it isn’t at all to be arrogant or to portray excessive self-pride. At the same token (while I talk positively about myself) I also, for ex., say that I wish I had nicer, elongated fingers or that I wish that I didn’t have to bother with things like making my eyebrows shapely when some women have them well-shaped naturally. In addition, I am an impatient and impulsive person and I wish I could tame those qualities (I’m trying!) I am definitely not perfect, no one is. However, I am more than happy with what Allah mian has given me and I thank God each day for that because it is more than what most have perhaps and I don’t take it for granted one little bit. That is all I am trying to say.

:flower2: