Homeward Bound
The Calling..
It was an average day in June of 1998 and once again the weather was cloudy with the threat of rain looming over the horizon. The weather had been like this for a few weeks now and as the days passed bye, hopes for a hot summer were gradually fading away.
I had been suffering from slight depression for the past month or so and it seemed to be getting worse. A cloud was looming over my head and I struggled hard to find the source of this depression. At home I had become quite and distant, I had lost my appetite and had become somewhat of a recluse. My working life was also suffering with most of my days being spent starring blankly at the computer screen for hours on end. Looking out of the office window I saw a grey world under a grey sky, sad, empty faces drifting aimlessly in an uncaring world. I was slipping deeper into depression and the remedy was still nowhere to be found.
The days drifted by and July was soon upon us. After weeks on end of miserable weather, the clouds finally broke and blue skies came with the promise of warmer days ahead. Over the course of a few days, the weather improved dramatically. Once again the air was filled with the melodious songs of birds, and life suddenly picked up its pace. The once empty streets were now busy with the hustle bustle of life and the large array of steps leading to the city cathedral were littered with people having their lunch and making the most of the warm radiant sun. The change in weather did very little, if anything at all to lift my spirits and no matter how hard I tried, I could not share in everyone’s enthusiasm for the arrival of the long awaited summer.
We had a small radio in the Office, which was usually playing in a low volume in the background. It was there to fill any awkward periods of silence and also to add a little ‘noise’ in the office. It was lunchtime and my colleagues had both disappeared out of the office. With no one in the office I turned up the volume on the radio, and then sat back wondering what to do about this depression I was in. It was then that something on the radio caught my attention, it was a very mellow tune, mostly violins and a slow drum beat. However the more I listened to it, the more enticed I became. Suddenly everything else in the room faded away, all my thoughts and energies were directed towards this song !. It reminded me of something, something from my past, but what was it ??… my mind raced and a million images were recalled from the depths of my memory as I struggled to find a connection between this song and the feelings which engulfed me. Then all of a sudden one single image froze in my mind, it hit me like a sledge hammer, completely numbing all my sensations and I sat there motionless..
The image was of a road in Pakistan. It was the only tarmac road to pass by our remote village and thus was the road which lead to all destinations. All journeys to the near by towns and villages began from this road. It stretched roughly from north to south and the land being fairly flat, you could see about 1.5 to 2 miles in either direction. To the East, there were a number of fields, usually planted with corn or wheat and a small dusty path snaking its way through them leading to the village. Looking over the road to the west, were a greater number of fields on a slight downhill gradient eventually leading to a small ravine. Across the ravine, the land rose once again and a few houses on the outskirts of the next village could be seen off in the distance.
I found myself totally immersed in this vision of back home and noticed that all my worries and concerns had melted away. The depression, which was looming over me like a dark cloud was whisked away and I felt that a burden of a lifetime had been lifted off my shoulders. The song on the radio ended and the talk of the radio hosts snatched me out of this serene vision. I just managed to hear the radio host mention the Artist and song title… it was by a group called Catatonia and the song was titled ‘Dead from the Waist down’.
It was then that I realised the source of my depression and also the cure. It had been a very long time since I last felt this way, which was probably the main reason why it took me so long to realise what I was suffering from. I was homesick !, the emptiness and pain I felt within me was a longing to go home, to visit the land where I was born, to see my grandparents again and all the other relatives I left behind so many years ago. To have finally found the source of my depression, suddenly filled me with joy and sadness at the same time and I felt tears well up in my eyes. Before I knew it, tears were trickling down my cheeks like raindrops on a window and the need to go back home was growing stronger within me. Luckily the office was still empty and I quickly dried my tears, if someone had seen me, there would have been a lot of explaining to do !.
I knew what had to be done.. It was time to plan a trip to Pakistan, my homeland was calling me…
To be continued…
~~ I have a dream… But I can’t tell you about it ! ~~
[This message has been edited by Arch-Angel (edited February 28, 2001).]