So here is a weird and wacky scenario. Actually not so much. Its part of most bollywood and hollywood movies. You are dating/in a relationship etc with a guy or gal depending on your gender. The relationship is fine. Nothing wrong with it. Its comfortable. Then all of a sudden you run into or across a person who you just gel with. Better than your SO. The situation gets further complicated with you two developing romantic feelings.
So you are in a relationship and yet have romantic feelings for another man or woman. The question is what do you do?
My response, based on zero experience - is that love is a choice. You can choose to back away before those "romantic" feelings become an issue. Everyone knows themselves and what and how they think - one can limit the friendships where tempations exist. I know, I know - co-ed friendships are a no-no and guys and girls shouldn't be friends to avoid any such possible happening. But that's a whole other kettle of fish...
And from a conversation with friend a while back: Fidelity is a choice and fidelity is hard work. Tempations will always be there - but it's up to the individual to overcome those temptations. A committed relationship matters and it's up to the couple to preserve or save that relationship.
I don't think falling in love is a choice, to me just acting on it is and if my SO preferred someone else I'd rather he just go out with her instead.. wouldn't want to be 'second best'..
Btw I don't think these situations are that unusual at college/uni..
I think if a couple is happy in their relationship, it would be very difficult to get romantically attracted to someone else very easily.
If you do get attracted to someone else while in the relationship, something is really missing in the current relationship.
^ I agree with this. In my opinion, it's normal to meet other people who you may be attracted to.
The problem becomes if you allow that to get to a point where you and the new person are developoing romantic feelings, and you actually consider leaving your own partner. This is when you need to evaluate and pin point what's missing in your own relationship.
** Note: If its'a casual dating situation...no biggie. But if its a situation where the couple is engaged or married....then it's time for some serious soul-searching. And this also another reason I believe in limiting friendship/time with the opposite gender once someone is in a serious relationship.
^Well-said, Paheli. I, along with the SO, don't have friends of the opposite gender to begin with. Not out of doubts or insecurity but to keep everything drama-free. That being said, if you're in a long-term relationship or married yet you end up falling for someone else, you probably didn't have a very satisfying relationship because I find it extremely hard to imagine someone being in love and so happy and then to magically forget all that and move on to someone else. I understand you can fall in love more than once but unless there is a problem within the relationship, it's not possible to just move on. The dilemma in the case OP is referring to was inevitable and what's done is done, sadly.
Just make sure those feelings for this new person aren't based off infatuation or some silly crush.
If there isn't a marriage or children involved, I'd say if you are sure you have actually found the connection that you have always been looking for, then break up with your current SO, and get with the other person.
^It's not about being politically correct, it's about moving on from a long-term relationship. Most of us who answered in a "politically correct" probably did so reflecting off our own relationships and such a scenario seems so...far-fetched.
^It's not about being politically correct, it's about moving on from a long-term relationship. Most of us who answered in a "politically correct"** probably did so reflecting off our own relationships** and such a scenario seems so...far-fetched.
Exactly. You think the person you are with is THE one. It may not be the case for everyone. so I figured someone should represent the other lot :p