hmm

Lifestyle Relationships
1

so was talking to my best friend on msn about my ex best friend and she agreed that one should not be friends again with those people that have *****ed behind your back in the past and have made indirect snide comments at you etc etc…

i agreed but have been thinking as well..

what do u guys think? should these kinds of *****y people be given a second chance?

2

Re: hmm

yes,only if they truly regret about their past actions and behaviours,and if they've truly changed,and only if they can assure you that they wouldn't repeat any of their past mistakes again.

3

well if you knew that person for a long time and yet they did that to you ... then definitely they dont deserve a second chance .. they will have full tendencies to bite you again !

but if its someone who you had known for a short time , yeah talk it out how you feel and then if you both are able to start your friendship again do so .. coz there might have been some misunderstandings etc ....

4

Re: hmm

Forgiving someone is the best and hardest thing to do. I encourage you to forgive and move on with your life.

Btw, the whole concept of best friends is just simply ridiculous.

5

Re: hmm

Well I knew that person very intimately for about two years and then she hurt me really bad and *****ed about me etc etc but now she is being all miss goody two shoes and nicey nice and want’s me to become best friends again. I do not know what to do:bummer:

6

explain?

7

Re: hmm

Aisha, if someone says something mean behind your back...say something to them so they realize you know and then drop it. When it comes to super personal things, dont share it with them but you can hang out once in a while.

Timepass-Jan 2013
Timepass-Jan 2013
8

Re: hmm

If they apologize and show sincere remorse, then you should forgive them because I think it takes courage to put your pride and wounded ego to the side and apologize to someone. You can try to find it in your heart to forgive her but be more cautious around her in the future. Since she's hurt you that bad, then don't spend too much time with her, don't reveal details of your personal life, and be careful what you say to her.

If this person displayed a consistent and frequent pattern of backstabbing behavior in the relationship, then I would advise avoiding and removing the person from your list of friends. Because it seems like they're not going to change anytime soon.

And I do agree with Bonbonniere that if a "friend" has violated your trust, the she needs to be called on it. If you have concrete solid evidence that she is backstabbing you, then you need to confront her about her behavior. If you don't, then she will do the same thing to others thinking that she will never be caught or taken into account.

^Similarly, if your friend is making indirect snide remarks to your face, then you NEED to confront her. You don't have to be ugly. Just look in her the eyes and say, *"Excuse me, what was it that you just said? I want you to repeat it again and say it to my face." * And when she repeats her snide comment, YOU say to her:

** "I had heard the snide**** tone in your comment the FIRST ***time you said it. I wanted you to repeat the comment so that YOU can hear it for yourself. I know when i hear an indirect snide remark and I've patiently put up with yours for quite some time. And now I'm telling you that I have no appreciation for them. Indirect or direct remarks have no place in a friendship."*

Aisha, snide remarks can be a result of** jealousy** and insecurity. And I've learned that often times people continue their crappy behavior because nobody confronts them about it.....so they get away with it and treat others like that as well. It becomes a cycle and if you catch them for it, they'll think twice before behaving like that again in the future. They also think that you're too dumb to either understand the remarks or that you're too weak to say anything about it. So in the future, confront people when they're being poop heads!

9

Re: hmm

^ I think what Ansoon is trying to say is that when you label someone as a "best" friend, then you become more emotionally dependent upon this friend and develop higher expectations from this person, and open yourself to becoming more hurt *by this *"best" **friend IF** she ever betrays you in the future. Because even a best friend is human and can become victim to negative emotions like jealousy and insecurities, for example.

It doesn't bother me if people have best friends. And I don't think the concept is ridiculous. It's simply a matter of personal preference. I, however, had some best friends in the past that turned out to be not very good friends. So, I don't use the *best **label anymore. Instead I have a small circle of what I call *"close friends." **And I'm more careful of how much of my personal life I disclose to others.

10

Re: hmm

no i dont think ppl like that shud be given a second chance. once a biatch always a biatch!

even if u forgive them and be friends with them agan i dont think u will ever give them same respect and intimacy u once shared with them.

if u get stabbed in the back once u always be careful after that.

so its better to avoid such ppl. jst forgive and forget dont be friends with them. simple! :)

11

Re: hmm

For me, it really depends on the situation and how much vindictiveness was involved. I tend to be pretty forgiving. My hubby has tempered that a bit as he, like the elephant, never forgets. His thinking is that once a person crosses that "line", they certainly will feel more comfortable to do so in the future. So he very rarely forgives. Perhaps the best thing is to forgive but not forget.

12

Re: hmm

Thanks everyone for the replies. Billo I really like your post. Am thining I should not allow her back into my life!

13

We should forgive eachother just as we expect to be forgiven from Allah Ta'lah swt for all our sins.

Best way to move forward with such friends is not to mention what happened in the past. If you really don't want to be friends with them then simply keep a distance from them but don't have any bitter feelings for them. :)

14

Ditto. Used to do this stuff in shcool when I was like 12. Lol. :)

When you get older, you realise your best friends are really your parents and Husband. :)

15

Re: hmm

I agree with Chicken Biryani:

well if you knew that person for a long time and yet they did that to you ... then definitely they dont deserve a second chance .. they will have full tendencies to bite you again !

Forgiving means, giving a second chance to hurt you! When friends that you have known for long and shared all your ´stuff´with, hurt you big time and damage your trust.... are not worth a second chance...

Unfortunately... I think there are only very rare cases of lifetime friendship.... most of them break off during the course of time...

16

Re: hmm

The thing is, I have forgiven her but I am not going to talk to her ever again or be friends with her like we were. However the problem is circumstances keep bringing us back together and I have to for one odd reason or the other talk to her!