Joke # 1: His Last Wishes…
Sometime after Sidney died, his widow, Tillie, was finally able to speak
about what a thoughtful and wonderful man her late husband had been.
“Sidney thought of everything,” she told them. “Just before he died, Sidney called me to his bedside. He handed me three envelopes.
‘Tillie,’ he told me, ‘I have put all my last wishes in these three envelopes.
After I am dead, please open them and do exactly as I have instructed.
Then, I can rest in peace’.”
“What was in the envelopes?” her friends asked.
“The first envelope contained $5,000 with a note, ‘Please use this money to buy a nice casket.’ So I bought a beautiful mahogany casket with such a comfortable lining that I know Sidney is resting very comfortably.”
“The second envelope contained $10,000 with a note, 'Please use this for anice funeral
’ I arranged Sidney a very dignified funeral and bought all his favorite foods for everyone attending.”
“And the third envelope?” asked her friends.
“The third envelope contained $25,000 with a note, ‘Please use this to buy a nice stone.’”
Holding her hand in the air, Tillie said…
“So, do you like my stone?” showing off her 10 carat diamond
ring.
Joke # 2: A cold winter fishing trip…
It was a cold winter day. An old man walked out onto a frozen lake, cut a hole in the ice, dropped in his fishing line, and waited
patiently for a bite. He was there for almost an hour, without even a nibble, when a
young boy walked out onto the ice, cut a hole in the ice not next to him.
The young boy dropped his fishing line and minutes later he hooked a Largemouth Bass.
The old man couldn’t believe his eyes but chalked it up to plain luck.
But, shortly thereafter, the young boy pulled in another large catch.
The young boy kept catching fish after fish. Finally, the old
man couldn’t take it any longer.
“Son, I’ve been here for over an hour without even a nibble. You’ve been here only a few minutes and have caught a half dozen fish! How do you do it?”
The boy responded, “Roo raf roo reep ra rums rrarm.”
“What was that?” the old man asked.
Again the boy responded, “Roo raf roo reep ra rums rarrm.”
“Look,” said the old man, “I can’t understand a word you’re
saying.”
The boy spit the bait into his hand and said…
“You have to keep the worms warm!”