just wanted to bring up a topic that i think is pretty important. With it being marriage season, and parents hunting guys for their daughters, i find more and more families (mothers and guys) are rejecting hijabi’s. I don’t know what the deal is, but it feels like our own muslims are defying the meaning of islams standing in hijab, and misunderstanding it–or the people who chose to wear it.
Yes, hijab does briing about an image -->religious etc… that may or may not be appealing to many people–> its understood everyone has their own taste. But what doesn’t make sense to me is a lot of ‘rishtay’ are turned away only because the girl wears a hijab. I have a couple of friends who wear hijab and they told me that they get rejected over the phone the first time parents are speaking to rishtay karanay walay or the parents of the guy because they the daughter wears hijab, and they immediately say no → without knowng what the girl does, who she is, where shes from etc etc.
I think its kind of ridiculous that people have this image of hijabi’s-- not all hijabi’s are the same. Yes hijab is a representation of islam–but who says islam represents extremisism or that hijabi’s believe only a certain way. i think i stand certain that every girl is different and unique hijabi or not…and likes things a certain way…
I think there was a discussion inthis forum of how hijab is important and someone said that: no one says that a good muslim is only one who wears a hijab–or represnts themselves as a muslim physically — i agree — there are many girls out there that are good muslims and do not wear a hijab, but what about the girls that do?.. people don’t even get to know the girls and immediately reject them because they think we’re too oppressed, or that they’re not ‘modern’, or stylish or that their ‘backward’ —in fact i know a lot of modern hijabi’s. It just pisses me off that our own people (muslims) reject or question the purpose of hijab. I mean our own people have a problem with it or disagree with it—why should we be getting mad at kaffirs then?
i think its just something to think about, im not saying that guys shouldn’t think twice and do marry hijabi’s…but i think at least they should consider—
i personally think that its these families that are backward minded and are ‘oppressed’ because their not open to different types of people, or understanding other people.
just my thoughts
MR
While it holds true that many turn down hijabis right away, there's another type that prefers hijabis while them and their sons are the least practicing, which I also feel is quite unfair.
At least the first type is being honest and don't feel that hijabis might be compatible with them or their families, so they reject it right away rather than doing the chai-pani routine and rejecting the girl after.
I personally am not in favour of those who hunt for hijabis irregardless of how immoral and non-practicing their sons might be. There also have been cases where the hijabis were asked to remove hijab later or were pestered for observing hijab a little too closely.
Let people think what they want to think. On a brighter side, your friend (or whoever else it might be) will not likely end up with someone dodgy, insha'Allah.
What about girls that are rejected because they're not hijaabis? Are those families that are looking for just hijaabi girls also oppressive?
It all boils down to personal bias, doesn't it? People who wear hijab and get a rejection think that hijabis are on the rejection list. People who don't wear hijab and get rejected think that hijabis are prizes that guys are going after.
Fact is that people will have preferences. A guy may be uncomfortable either way if the girl wears hijab or not. Probably best to get married to someone who is comfortable with the choices you make.
i completely agree with both of you...
i failed to mention that this can definitely go for non-hijabi's too (sorry about that... the title is kind of misleading too :S whoopps). i also think that it just comes down parents kind of stepping away a bit, and letting the kids get to know the other person more than the parents being involved so much and embed these ideas into their brains. our culture becomes soo arrogrant towards other people whether it be caste, skin type, body type, place of origin...basically everythiiingg lol..
i also want to know why muslims ask other girls why they chose to wear hijab...isnt it kind of obvious?--> besides the fact they want to know the personal interest of why they chose to wear it...or when they ridicule the fact that you chose to wore it in today's lifestyle...its sad that our own muslims cant defend the islamic teachings and say its wrong - i dunno this whole topic is soo confusing...
No1 is the same and ppl have allsorts of views. Ive got a friend who wears a hijaab and she has pretty modern brothers. Shes having a real problem finding some1 cos she says she wants some1 ultra modern like her brothers but these ultra modern guys r neva interested in her cos she wears the hijaab. I personally think shes gonna find it hard to meet some1 because GENERALLY and i only mean generally from my observation-that ultra modern guys want a girl whos pretty modern herself and doesnt wear a hijaab. Im not saying this is the same for every1 BUT its just something that i personally have seen.
With respect to Hijabis, the most common reasons I've heard for guys not considering them is that a) they're too aggressive and b) some guys want to have a working spouse, and feel that Hijabans will have difficulty getting work.
Strange, eh?
Personally, I have no complaints...would certainly consider a Hijaban ...
it's bc most desis pratcice a culture, not a religion.
get this, i have a very good cuz who's looking for wife, he wants soemone very religous bc hes a very a religous guy himself, but also someone very pretty. so, i suggested this one girl i knew, who wears a hijab, and she is the best girl i know, and have ever me in my life. And, also very pretty. But apparently not pretty enough for them. their exact words were "she has everythin, but shes not pretty". So in the mosque one day, his mom pointed out one of my friends, that she though was really really pretty. I told her that she was not a good girl at all, she drinks and parties, and does everything bad. his mom goes "well, thats ok, she can change. how bad can she be?" I was shocked, and i dont even know why.
thats just how desis are. in my moms own words, she would rather i marry a drunken poor horrible pakistani, then a very good muslim who's not desi.
yes people, its true we are back in the days of jhalliyath.
i cant believe the things these mothers say and do. they are so **** messed up. its not just peronal preference, their just plain **** screwed. I pray for their mercy, i hope allah can guide them in the right path.
Ya Allah(swt)…i totally agree with “I’m the Best”… i dont shape my eyebrows and my face is not(NOT) photogenic… and you know what… 2 guys rejected me in the past 2 weeks… so my dear sister was telling,“You’ll NEVER get married with those eyebrows.. why cant you shape it”
I was like… “it’s HARAM in islam”.. then she started.. i have not seen you reading namaz from the past 2 days…:(… .. so she pointed out that and started her lecture…
There goes my yesterday…I know what i do something is wrong.. but i will make up for it.. its not like i am doing something which i know shouldnt be done…:)…
I dont know when Allah(swt) will bless me this way… but i am keeping my hope and praying that i get a guy who thinks i am beautiful as i am…
A Sneak preview of my eyebrows…
I find hijabis are too aggressive and they wear it more because of Wsetern inspired muslim values than say Eastern inspired. I find Hijabis to be very feminist and not very feminine. They want to do everything but in a Hijab. They thinka hijab legitmises freedom for them. Men generally want women who are meek and less opinionated.
Families judge how a future daghter-in-law behave by their actions towards others. many Hijabi girls feel that they can look directly at another man in the eyes. Families lookiong for brides for their sons find thatoff-putting, they see it as bey-sharam. Women in their eyes should never hold equal eye contact.
i dont want to stereotype Hijabis as not all are like that but muslims girls born and bred in the west who chose the hijab for themselves do it because in reality they are western girls who make conscious decisions for themselves.
With respect to Hijabis, the most common reasons I've heard for guys not considering them is that a) they're too aggressive and b) some guys want to have a working spouse, and feel that Hijabans will have difficulty getting work.
Strange, eh?
Personally, I have no complaints...would certainly consider a Hijaban ...
What??.... where did you get that from??... we are not aggressive or anything of that kind... and moreover, we are not feminists:(
I know people have bad ideas as the people who do the hijab/abaya are the ones who have boyfriends and such..... but there are others who are not that kind...
if this is your opinion, then you are entitiled to it... cannot say much... but it will be better that you keep an open mind...:)
just wanted to bring up a topic that i think is pretty important. With it being marriage season, and parents hunting guys for their daughters, i find more and more families (mothers and guys) are rejecting hijabi's. I don't know what the deal is, but it feels like our own muslims are defying the meaning of islams standing in hijab, and misunderstanding it--or the people who chose to wear it.
Yes, hijab does briing about an image -->religious etc... that may or may not be appealing to many people--> its understood everyone has their own taste. But what doesn't make sense to me is a lot of 'rishtay' are turned away only because the girl wears a hijab. I have a couple of friends who wear hijab and they told me that they get rejected over the phone the first time parents are speaking to rishtay karanay walay or the parents of the guy because they the daughter wears hijab, and they immediately say no --> without knowng what the girl does, who she is, where shes from etc etc.
I think its kind of ridiculous that people have this image of hijabi's-- not all hijabi's are the same. Yes hijab is a representation of islam--but who says islam represents extremisism or that hijabi's believe only a certain way. i think i stand certain that every girl is different and unique hijabi or not...and likes things a certain way....
I think there was a discussion inthis forum of how hijab is important and someone said that: no one says that a good muslim is only one who wears a hijab--or represnts themselves as a muslim physically --- i agree --- there are many girls out there that are good muslims and do not wear a hijab, but what about the girls that do?... people don't even get to know the girls and immediately reject them because they think we're too oppressed, or that they're not 'modern', or stylish or that their 'backward' ---in fact i know a lot of modern hijabi's. It just pisses me off that our own people (muslims) reject or question the purpose of hijab. I mean our own people have a problem with it or disagree with it---why should we be getting mad at kaffirs then?
i think its just something to think about, im not saying that guys shouldn't think twice and do marry hijabi's...but i think at least they should consider---
i personally think that its these families that are backward minded and are 'oppressed' because their not open to different types of people, or understanding other people.
just my thoughts
MR
Isn't it great that those people are rejecting hijabis. This just means they do not deserve a hajabi and a hijabis does not deserve them. Simple!
Its also good that people are open about it. Just as some people reject hijabis, there are also many Muslims who only want hijabis.
whats even more strange is that some guys reject hijaabans for marrying simply cuz they're wearing hijaab when rishta came..and after getting a rishta from non-hijaabi ,they'd force them to wear hijaab after marriage..
Bro I must ask you - how you came to form such an opinion? You say you find hijaabis too agressive and they wear it because of “Western inspired Muslim values”? lol. What is a Western inspired Muslim value - all I know is that hijaab is prescribed in the Quran for Muslim women - regardless of their being Eastern or Western. Plus, how can you judge people’s intentions so boldy by saying they only wear it for such and such a reason!?
LOL@ hijabis making eyecontact with men. If a woman making eye contact with a man is so ‘besharam’ for someone, then it shouldn’t really matter whether or not she wears a hijaab. lol. I am sorry but your post is a total joke. According to this thinking, every woman is besharam if she makes eye contact with a man!
Oh and thanks for letting us know that you are not generalizing the hijaabis! :aq:
This is downright strange to me, because I never got more proposals in my life than when I wore hijab.
I was fielding men left and right DAILY! I had mothers run me over the masjid asking me if I was interested in marriage!
I mean, seriously.
It depends on the crowd you hang out with. Be involved in the Muslim community, active Muslims are more likely to accept a hijabi. And look to marry outside of Pakistan or other ethnicities/races than Pakistani men. There are TONS who love hijabi's.
I personally feel dat girls who wears hijab or niqab is just trying to follow their religion..n it doesnt mean that they r gud or bad!.. N i do wonder..dat how can v pass judgements on mere assumptions about other person's appearance widout knowing them! N our assumptions are based more on outward appearance of life than its real impact.which is a negative quality possesed by us these days!...
