higher expectations of women to be chaste?

Lifestyle Relationships
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i thought i should start this thread. if anyone else feels that there is a higher expectation of women in our societies to be chaste. if a women sleeps around - she is a slut, but if a guy does the same - he is a player. and thus far i have only seen women/ heard about women being punished for having adulterous affairs. On the thread about Gori girls and how much they sleep around - seriously we are so harsh on the women, what about the chaste muslim men who sleep with them. or the thread that had somethin gto do with prostitution… what about hte guys who illicit thier services!

and by the way… we all know the new mantra right? - prostitutes are victims. good possibility they were kidnapped and trafficked. no girl wants to grow up to be a prostitute..so they are victims. they need our protection and hte lecherous men who use and abuse them… we really need to address thier immorality before we even think to talk of poor prostitutes.

its funny b/c alot of females do the same, its aunties who walk around tsking the girls but no thte guys!!!

it should not be okay for guys to do somethings that girls are not allowed to do

and whats up with teh double standard…if guys can marry non-muslim - but woman can not! guys get to marry half thier age - eeeeeuuuu to all the females who sold themselves short! seriously girls - must marry your age or younger!!! this whole older bussiness - no no! not cool! :naraz:

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Re: higher expectations of women to be chaste?

Pleae move to Café.

There Goes Another One :)
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[mp=B]31857300.5387[/mp]

moving from audio to life1

Punjabi Establishment, Punjabi People and Injustices with other Provinces !
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Re: higher expectations of women to be chaste?

Its always been this way, even in the west. Yes, we all know that relations prior to marriage is more prevalent in the west but beleive it or not, its still frowned upon, much more so for the gals than for the guys. Perhaps this isnt fair but thats the way it is.

I agree about the whole prostitution issue, yes many prostitutes are victims. Not quite as true for "exotic dancers" who mostly are putting themselves thru college and earning more money than you can imagine at the expense of these drooling yukky guys who cant touch them yet they keep on giving them money. You almost have to feel sorry for the guys who go to those places!

The one thing that I can understand and kind of agree with is the marriage thing. When a muslim man marries a non-muslim, his children are still considered to be muslim - its a patriarchal religion. So if a muslim woman marries a non-muslim man, her children are (mostly) seen as a loss to the Islaamic religion. I think the Jewish religion is like this also.

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In most cases prostitutes are kidnapped and raped or trafficked.
I read some pretty horrific things about child prostitution in cambodia , some of the things they said will just bring you to tears..one girl grabbing on to her mothers leg screaming “no dont leave me here!” another being thrown into a cage and beaten and chillis pushed into her private parts :bummer: Its sad sad stuff..
most women, especially young girls, who go into prostitution have no choice or say in teh matter. they’re kidnapped, blackmailed etc etc.
Yeah there are “high class” prostitutes here in US :rolleyes: escort services, and sugar daddy girls…that is quite pathetic and disgusting and in this case both parties deserve punishment..

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Re: higher expectations of women to be chaste?

Farwah
Its not just boys its girls aswell that help keep this concept existing...girls get so annoyed when boys judge them...but they are always the quickest to judge other girls...they ***** and judge even more than boys do...so to suggest its simply a desi male probelm is naive...

The girls on this forum will say that girls get judged...but next time they see a girl out with a boy the rumours and judgements will start coming out...

Boys as ever are hypocrytes and narrow minded...lol there was this girl at our uni who was in a relationship with this guy for a couple of years but he broek up with her because he didnt respect her for sleeping with him...had to laugh...but thats desi boy mentality...

And as for girls that get up to nothing...good on those that dont...but lol trust me they are the most arrogant girls you see...any girl that gets up to anything is a whore...

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Re: higher expectations of women to be chaste?

i think that virginity is a gift for both men and women. from islamic point of view and from the logical and fairness point of views, it is only just that a chaste woman can have a chase man and vice versa.

as soon as the two are able to forgive each other, for past intimacy with somebody else, peace can be made. but, saying that it is alright, for men to be not chaste and for women to be denied their sexuality is not fair.

the guilt of the loss is in itself humungous for the person him/herself.

unfortunately, society may not know it, but it has over sexualized the men and made them think that unless they are not having flings frequently, from early on, somehow they are lesser of the men... it is s o sad.

multiple wives, in the tradition of more than one marriage or a temporary marriage, is basically an accepted norm, that for physical contact as well as other support, men are actually being SHARED... like a shared drive.

it is a beautiful thing to be married to be one with a true soul mate.
but, the moment any one of us, allows the disdain of one's trust over one's significant other, that is the death of all honesty, defeat of all fairness, failure of one's ability and conscience to have personal dignity, regard for the other ( the used and the cheated - both) and great irreparable loss of one's own self-respect and so, the vicious cycle goes on.

prostitution, and female sex workers are more, and are expected to be in this ignoble profession of selling their bodies' dignity, because the world made of men and ignorance is callous. good men and women must do all that we can, to stop it from happening, denounce it and punish those who do commit the crime of humiliating women for their own disgusting addiction to power and control over women.

there are plenty of respectful ways in which women can and should make money, but this way. a lot of work has to be done, on both social and on psychological level to stop it from happening in at least the Muslim societies.
brave people will have to step up - women and men, and eradicate the roots of this ill & exploitative practice.

finally, those men and women who are in the profession of sex work, out of choice, out of sexual addictions of their own, may their souls find repugnance against this practice and may they turn normal and self respecting people, & lead cleaner lives.

i so wish that people realize what you said, Farwah, that the double standards are eating us away on individual and collective levels. and men and the society is high on the dose of denial. so be it. ultimately, it trickles down to a negative impact on everybody.

unless, we can all get together and create an intelligent "Kharabi", that stops the practice in its bloody tracks, we will keep on witnessing the assaults on personal dignity of women.

may Allah help us, do it and do it right.

Dushi

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**"And as for girls that get up to nothing...good on those that dont...but lol trust me they are the most arrogant girls you see...any girl that gets up to anything is a whore..."

**nbn,

i am sorry at ur despicable thinking.

___ your mobile and you ___
___ your mobile and you ___
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Re: higher expectations of women to be chaste?

Farwah

You are making a valid point. I agree with Dushi here that the educated strong men and women have to stand up. I believe these are the prongs of any representative community that can be influential in uprooting these evils.

You are looking at the "result" of something but ignoring the source/cause. The problem is not simply being double standards. The question is why double standards? Because boys and girls are raised in this ignorant mentality by their parents. There is a deficiency in the upbringing of the kids. A boys gets more freedom (off course he will) but never gets to know what it means and how this has to be used in a responsible manner. No input is given as to how to use it. Boys are favored more in a home. If a girl gets one candie, a boy gets 2.... why????? We do not raise good kids in an equal manner. We do not care for the moral and psychological growth, intellectual maturity but just social tabboooooooooooooos.

I am just trying to point out how the approach in upbringing the boys and girls brings out the difference in the way men and women are treated in our society.

About marrying a younger girl, being a boy, I can tell you this much that this cultural belief stems from some stupid facts. One, younger girls are preferred by the hungry desperate boys who cannot vision a girl beyond her physique (Despicable). Two, it is more like not knowing the boundaries of mutual respect, ignorance about the relation of marriage and the relation of husband and wife and trying to compensate it by introducing this age difference to offset any chance of girl having raise her voice. Again because the way our societ perceives men and women stems from the fact how they are raised. Three, for the girl to be younger (more younger the better dictum) it is easy to make her assume a subservient role which would in turn help to satisfy the ego integrity of the men as well as the family of the man. When women are raised in this mentality, what they give to their kids??? The same pervasive personality they were treated with....

Similarly, I have to agree with you on the issue of men sleeping around. These b a s t a r d s are out there. Many many out here too. They never get to be blammed. Its like one gender has been given the complete freedom and societal support to do wrong and yet, nothing will be labelled on them. No body condemns them, NOBODY..... I believe even if women keep crying over this, the only way this can be brought to iron hands of accountability is when MEN themselves standup for what their fellow men are doing. Especially in this country America, these b astartds are out there. And I believe it is the men of the society who have to stand up. Their conscious neglect is the factor promoting this unjust societal evil....

More later .........................

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Re: higher expectations of women to be chaste?

Lol Dushwari...looks like i mistyped something...it should be...

"And as for girls that get up to nothing...good on those that dont...but lol trust me they are the most arrogant girls you see...any girl that gets up to anything is a whore in their eyes..."

Forgot to add that bit in...girls who do keep themselevs chaste are always the first to make judgements about girls who arent chaste...more often than not it is the girl calling another girl a whore...its not always the boy who gives the girl the hard time...girls give them an even harder time...

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:cb:

***1000 posts******
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ooh yeh exactly..i am just shaking in anger at these double standards…who are your parents..i mean who are these nobodys to stop you from having sex and enjoying life..i mean prositutes do it and so do the boys so why shouldnt you..you go girl :k:

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^Right on brother.

July.
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Re: higher expectations of women to be chaste?

i have to remind people, I am not making any suggesting as to the morality of sex before marriage. I am not saying its okay, and i dont think its my place to say its not - I am no one's god and am severely flawed.

However, i do think that boys are given more of a free reign then women. I am not talking about pre-marital sex or chastity (to each their own beliefs with regard to that) i am talking about the lax attitudes towards men when they do a wrong, then when women do the same thing.

While this is true for more then just chasitty the reason why i chose this particular topic to address the inequalities is b/c ..well ...its a provocative subject..but mostly in response to what i was reading on the web about prostitution and gori's! as if its allthe women's fault that men are a-holes (i.e. very unchaste :)) about this matter.

I agree that its not just the men but the women who perpetuate these stereotypes. Its the mothers in as much as it is their sons! but we need to right the wrong, and the only way we can do that is if we are aware of it. I think it needs an effort by both men and women, not just men! Even as women - even when we think words like wh-re - we think women! its not something we think of men! if u believe that evryne should be allowed to do whatever, then that attitude should be true for all, and if u belive its immoral and a sin, then it should be a sin for both men and women and should be applied to both genders equally!

PS! As for those that need to judge with unecessary words like who-e! i am more conservative then most i know, but its been my belief that this self-righteous judgmental attitude (i.e. i am so good and religious and tsk tsk you all others who are not) is merely a consequence of your desire to pat yourelf on the back! Couldnt you find ohter ways to feed your ego...perhaps by doing something good yourself rather then judging other people.

And Lassi my dear - which ever dictionary you are using to translate from whatever language u speak to english - well..its not working you need to get a new one!

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Re: higher expectations of women to be chaste?

Ok i ackowledge your points...its just very easy to blame this whole mentality on men...It is as you point out a view of women aswell if not more so...

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Re: higher expectations of women to be chaste?

How abt u do something about it. Start blaming the guys for everything from now on. it will make a difference!

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Re: higher expectations of women to be chaste?

You have a very valid point :)
Allah also judges men and women equally in the same manner. Anything that is applied to men is also applicable to women in the same manner and vice versa (keeping the context of your statement in perspective)

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Re: higher expectations of women to be chaste?

the point is not one of blame, it is but of fairness and equality .

i am not going to act as a flirt, because a man does, that is not the kind of equality a self respecting female or a feminist female wants.

instead, all that is being impressed upon here is that what goes for one, ideally, goes for the other.

two wrongs do not make one right.

for a good man to have a pure conscience, that good man for once, should not condone that women are to be made victims.

besides, somtimes, there comes a time, when women will need to take a stand and by the nature of the "karma" turn of events, the opressor suffers by his guilt.

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Re: higher expectations of women to be chaste?

Proper upbringing and family structure is also important. I have one sister younger than me so it was always in my mind that I have to respect the other girls as well. It was always on mind that I have to set the right example for her, by not only saying the moral things but doing the moral things. I understood it very clearly that if I will have a girlfriend (romantic relationship) then I won't have a leg to stand on if my sis do the same.
On the other hand I have cousins who are five brothers and no sister and all of them they don't understand the respect for girls.

And yes i find girls themselves harsher towards other girls than boys.

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Re: higher expectations of women to be chaste?

without caring about double standards, and competing in bad things that why I am being called slut when i sleep around, why he isnt!

I think we all should be responsible for ourselves, the way we want to be!

how u find iron is hot