so many desi people have such high expectations when finding a mate.
my coworkers and friends are tellin me that they don’t picture me marrying a muslim/desi guy. i never realized how complicated and painful the whole process is. things that shouldn’t matter, do and the the things that really matter are too taboo to speak about. i just honestly don’t get it.
Re: high expectations
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Bharysh: *
so many desi people have such high expectations when finding a mate.
my coworkers and friends are tellin me that they don't picture me marrying a muslim/desi guy. i never realized how complicated and painful the whole process is. things that shouldn't matter, do and the the things that really matter are too taboo to speak about. i just honestly don't get it.
[/QUOTE]
LOVE WILL FIND YOU IF YOU DO NOT FIND LOVE. SAME WAY! SOMEONE WILL FIND IF YOU ARE NOT ABLE TO FIND SOMEONE ;) SPECIAL OFCROSE. TRY WWW. SHAADI.COM . REALLY MY FOUR FRIENDS ARE HAPPILY MARRIED.
This is quite a frequent discussed topic here.... well I think, somehow we all have high expectations in one way another, who does not want the best for her-his-self and its not bad if someone is willing to struggle to achive his-her aims.
Anyway compromise is the key to successs....easy said as done, I know ...but at least we can try somehow....its like eating sweets after starving for it for a long time.
i am diffrent... i am better than ur average desi male... i will always love u as long as u keep up to date with ur chores
lol @ gamma
I have an ideal also...can't accept anything beyond it, but I guess everyone grows up someday.
Bharysh
What sort of high expectations? Eg..?
*my coworkers and friends are tellin me that they don't picture me marrying a muslim/desi guy *
Is marrying a Muslim/desi guy considered a 'low expectation' or a high one? How about marrying a Christan/Chinese guy..or hmm Hindu/mangolian guy?
Please elaborate. Thanks.
Expectations varies from person to person.. sum people r ready to compromise no matter how their partners turn out to be n sum people set such high standards for them that they never seem to find 'oh so perfect one' ... but these r just two ends of the extreme... Best solution is the balance between the two... a lil compromise n a lil expectation takes the person a long way.. :)
boss- no, i dunno about how non-desi people do the whole marriage thing. when i mean high expectation, i mean that desis have them, not that marrying a desi is a high expectation. did i explain that right? i hope that wasn't too confusing...
ex: height, weight, social status, complexion, parental history, historical background, shiite/sunni/syed..., profession...there's a whole checklist and few comprimises. something about the whole deal just doesn't feel right.
So a short, overweight, working class, dark-skinned, orphaned, street sweeper wouldn’t get much interest…..even though he was devoutly religious and loving?
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Gamma Dilation: *
i am diffrent... i am better than ur average desi male... i will always love u as long as u keep up to date with ur chores
[/QUOTE]
where were you all my life?
by the way what exactly do you mean by chores?
where is he,
ive heard it time and time again, wait your turn, love will find you dont go looking for it etc. but i guess what i want to say is that for people like us (who’ve been exposed to two different worlds) its sometimes harder to find someone you can really relate to and who will understand everything youve been through, so to all those people who say wait you turn etc. i guess i’d say, i am, patiently but chances are i might not be able to find HIM and not because he doesnt meet my high expectations but because maybe we just cant meet each others expectations, but you know what?
thats okay, its not the end of the world, you hear that girls? ITS NOT THE END OF THE WORLD, live your life now, single or otherwise and dont put everything on hold because youre waiting to share it with that someone special, because right now your the most special of all:wave:
peace
In these modern times, girls should better look for bushmen. :D
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by peace: *
where were you all my life?
by the way what exactly do you mean by chores?
[/QUOTE]
;) no need to get personal... get to know me and may be i'll explain
*i mean that desis have them, not that marrying a desi is a high expectation. did i explain that right? *
You did dear..thanks for that..
*things that shouldn't matter, do and the the things that really matter are too taboo to speak about *
What r the taboo things that really matter?
The list that you wrote..height, weight, background, wealth etc...doesn't that narrow down the list of candidates? It seems like desies are the only ones who know who/what they r looking for. Once they see him/her... bingo! , no?
And if you don't find him/her...hmm is it ok to be single? or being single is a taboo too?
so many desi people have such high expectations when finding a >mate.
high or unrealistic? Perhaps cause so few have ever had a chance to have at least a real friendship with the opposite sex that they don't have a realistic perception of what a relationship is?
Hmm... you know that's not it either.. I know a guy who's a real 'player' , shall we say...and he thinks every girl he's with is the one...Which would be ok I suppose except that it's a different girl each week!?
I guess we all have a perception or idea in our heads of what a perfect relationship or marriage would and should be. If we're lucky we eventually grow up and start looking for something more realistic.
Still I don't think it needs to be all that complicated as people make it out to be. I find it very interesting when you look at singles ads most people seem to want pretty much the same thing...so why is everyone having such a hard time finding it?
he said bushmen!
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Thap: *
So a short, overweight, working class, dark-skinned, orphaned, street sweeper wouldn’t get much interest…..even though he was devoutly religious and loving?
[/QUOTE]
i do believe there exist people today who marry more for the sake of deen than dunya. Hopefully our short, overweight, working class, dark-skinned, orphaned, street sweeper but still religeously intact friend will get interest from a just as religeous (or even more) and ofcourse loving bhabhi :)
Bharysh
so what exactly are you trying to say. That there are no desi men who meet the criteria you have set? or you cant find them? or that they dont go for you.
Not quite sure whats the real issue here
Re: where is he,
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by peace: *
its sometimes harder to find someone you can really relate to and who will understand everything youve been through
[/QUOTE]
huh? i dont understand half the stuff I have been through, how do I expect someone else to understand "everything" that I have been through. Its enough to know that the person cares, even if they cant fully understand "everything" that you have been through.
You show me someone who claims they "understand" everything that you have gone thru and I will show you a liar. Empathy is sympathy, care and concer, feedback and support is more than enough.
as far as somone who you will really relate to, what criteria do you establish to figure out if you can relate to one another.
A good pal of mine wants to find a guy who is all he-man type, but is also into poetry, opera, classical music and all. errr why is that so important?
I did not care if a girl did not understand or relate to my fanatical allegiance to my university or my soccer team :) I cant expect that. Why do we take our interests as a gauge of compatibility, they are a factor..some of them, but not all. You can have seperate interests and views and boraden each others horizons a bit.
are we looking for a xerox copy of ourselves but of a diff gender. I bet for some even that will not be enough.
seems like people want trophies, not soul mates