Re: Hiding your married status from colleagues at work
Am I being unreasonable here?
Yes you are. X2 is spot on.
Re: Hiding your married status from colleagues at work
I have two accounts...one for personal and one for work. Nothing wrong with it at all.
What I see here is that he's being a guy. He isn't talking to women, flirting with women or cheating on you. He says a girl is hot...well...what if she was? He got married, doesn't mean he isn't a man anymore.
We may not like it but he is allowed to find other women pretty. What he isn't allowed to do is act on it or make you feel unattractive.
I am surprised he gave you his login info though...that means either the man is stupid or he isn't really doing anything wrong.
Re: Hiding your married status from colleagues at work
Okay, you kinda semi-nadzed us with all the additional information.
From everyone here , You are the best judge of the situation since you know him and the relationship you two have the best.
On the surface, yes, it may look a bit shady with all that info.
But then you know what type of person he is. Was he always like this with you? As in kinda stand offish, not too expressive, and not the talkie talkie type? Or did he share things about what he used to do on a daily basis and who he met, what he did etc?
Long distance relationships can be very difficult and one has to find a groove where both parties feel secure about things.
If its just the hiding you are married because his colleagues are weird, then maybe it is a way of protecting you. But if there is more to it and your feelings are changing or you feel insecure, then the best thing is to talk to him. Good luck!
Re: Hiding your married status from colleagues at work
From what’s been written so far, I have no idea why this is a big deal. There is no indication that he’s doing anything inappropriate with another woman or even thinking about it.
What he stated about his worries with work seems very reasonable. He’s waiting for his Canadian immigration papers and doesn’t want to get laid off or be passed for a raise/bonus at this current job. He’s a smart guy for planning this ahead of time.
As for his co-workers, I have co-workers who I interact with on a regular basis in and outside of work…and for someone who doesn’t know me well, they could easily think that those people are “very close” friends of mine. But the reality is that that’s just me networking. I don’t actually consider them my close friends and don’t share personal details. Just like your husband, I also would not share ANY information with my co-workers that I did not plan on sharing with my boss.
Oh and take it from a married woman who actually lives with her husband…it’s notthing personal against you that he doesn’t blab about his daily activities like a typical woman. My husband also doesn’t share too many details about his work/going out activities unless I ask a lot of questions. It took me a while to realize this but that’s just his personality. It has nothing to do with him hiding anything or him not loving me.
I’m sorry to say this but you come across as a very insecure, controlling, jealous woman. Unless there are details that you haven’t shared with us yet…as a woman myself, I don’t understand what has you so worked up. 
Re: Hiding your married status from colleagues at work
I have two accounts...one for personal and one for work. Nothing wrong with it at all.
**What I see here is that he's being a guy. He isn't talking to women, flirting with women or cheating on you. He says a girl is hot...well...what if she was? He got married, doesn't mean he isn't a man anymore.
We may not like it but he is allowed to find other women pretty. What he isn't allowed to do is act on it or make you feel unattractive. **
I'm by no means a 'Life and Relationships' expert but I did find this part conflicting with your post in the pakieyez thread:
"Not every woman is 1000% secure or able to rationalize every thing away. Everyone has their personal issues, battles and insecurities. For a woman, knowing her husband is interested in only her is important...more important than many things. "
So on one hand, guys are allowed to be guys and appreciate other hot girls but on the other, it is extremely important that a husband makes his wife feel like only she is important?
do you mind clarifying?
Re: Hiding your married status from colleagues at work
S what did he say when you showed him this thread?
Re: Hiding your married status from colleagues at work
I hate to say it, but your husband is no doubt a douchebag! I can understand keeping his marriage status on the low due to immigration purposes...but when there is only a month or so to go until he's in Canada AND he's got the visa, then there is no justification for him to hide your existence! AND he fails to adequately wish you happy bday and occasions such as v-day? i mean come on that's pathetic! Not to mention deleting all his fb messages before giving u his password?! Clearly there appears to be no trust here. My fiance asked me to make his fb account. (He's a dr and always busy with work!) After I did, I told him to go ahead and change his pw if he wanted to and his response was "why would I change my pw? i dont mind you having access." If u r going to spend ur life with someone there needs to be 100% trust and i dont know what ur hubby is playing at but u r justified in being angry. I would think twice about letting this guy enter Canadian soil! Make him wait until his attitude improves and take it from there.
edit: yes there are some people with the view that nothing is wrong here but I think one needs to take into consideration his actions as a whole (including bdays and valentines!) and not just focus on him concealing the OP's existence. That on itself wouldn't be such a big deal but its a combination of things here which has, rightly so, upset the OP.
Re: Hiding your married status from colleagues at work
Well, if there's only a month or so left till he comes to Canada - then yes I don't understand why he's still hiding his marital status. I mean, shouldn't he have given his leave notice by now? Unless he plans on packing his bags and catching a flight without informing a soul at his workplace. So when you see it that way, it is odd that he still hasn't mentioned that he's married.
And I can see why him not trying to make any effort to plan a nice gesture for you or fail to make you feel special on important occasions such as your birthday would upset you. I'm pretty sure everyone expects to be treated nicely by their significant others on their birthdays and various other important dates. Have you talked to him about this? Maybe he was really busy at work or something on your birthday? But also, most men are not good with distance. So maybe this is just a distance thing. My husband wasn't much of a talker either when we were in a long distance engagement. He'd skype for 10 minutes asking basic questions and then be gone. I wouldn't know much about his work and daily activities. But now that we're married, it's different and he discusses things with me about work etc. Most men are just not good with long distance. Maybe it will be different once he's with you.
I am surprised he gave you his passwords though. I know I wouldn't want to share mine. Not because I have anything to hide, but just because your accounts are personal.
Re: Hiding your married status from colleagues at work
I'm by no means a 'Life and Relationships' expert but I did find this part conflicting with your post in the pakieyez thread:
"Not every woman is 1000% secure or able to rationalize every thing away. Everyone has their personal issues, battles and insecurities. For a woman, knowing her husband is interested in only her is important...more important than many things. "
So on one hand, guys are allowed to be guys and appreciate other hot girls but on the other, it is extremely important that a husband makes his wife feel like only she is important?
do you mind clarifying?
I don't mind at all.
In the former thread, the woman was complaining about excessive porn, gawking, ogling and complete disrespect towards his wife. If I am out with my husband and he cannot enter the room without scanning for stare-worthy women, we have an issue. I have actually seen such men and its so embarrassing for whoever they're with. I feel for their wives who catch them and stay quiet because "that's how men are".
If he simply finds a pretty woman attractive...how is that offensive? There are pretty woman everywhere you go...I cannot expect him to put horse blinds on now can I? If he's having guy talk (girls have girl talk all the time about so-and-so being hot and whatnot), that's not bad. If he's abusing porn and staring at females wherever we go...yuck. It's actually bad for him too...why would you want to look so pervy to other people? :(
Re: Hiding your married status from colleagues at work
okkkkkkk guys, let me make one thing very clear. I am NOT being insecure. I do not for one minute believe that there is another woman or he's having affairs while at work and all that crap.
About his password, we've always shared them. I have always had his and trust me, I have no time to go checking his messages and looking through his emails. I barely log into my own facebook. He also has mine and I doubt he ever logs in. There is nothing wrong with having two accounts, one for work and one for family. His wasn't just a matter of a simple account for work people because A) He hid it from me, in fact he blocked me when he created it. I came across it by chance one day when I clicked on a link he had sent me and I was using the comp where my sister was logged in on fb. B) He was more active on his work account than he ever was on his family account. He never used to update statuses or post new photos or do anything. Some times weeks would go by without him even logging in there. I always thought he was too busy for facebook but he was just active on his other account all the time.
About finding girls hot, again I don't care if he thinks a girl is pretty. I think other guys are good looking besides him. But saying things like "she is such a hot bee-itch", "achi nahi lagi", "yeh wali check kar" etc are degrading and disgusting. And then his comments on his female colleagues photos like "put the other pic back up i liked that better". I even asked him who he thought he was to her telling her to put the other pic back up like that. Andddddd none of them knew that he was in any sort of a relationship.
Last night I was so pissed I unblocked his colleague from his account (the guy who has a gazillion public photos of my husband on his fb), and poked him. He added my husband and my husband actually deleted everyone from his account and scheduled his account for deletion. That was sooooooo drastic. He is pretty serious about not letting anyone finding out about me.
He wasn't like this before marriage. He used to share everything with me. He would tell me his problems, ask my opinions/advise. We had things to talk about. He used to make time for me no matter how busy he was. His friends all knew me so they would tell him to tell me Salam if I would call or ask how I was doing etc. Now when I call and if he's with his colleagues he doesn't answer the phone. He was in Lahore for a week and he did not talk to me for even a min because he was sooooo busy working all the time ... apparently not busy enough to go visit places though as I can clearly see from his photos posted publicly by these guys.
I had asked him in the beginning to just tell everyone that he's in a relationship. There was no need for him to go into details or tell them that he was actually married but he never told them anything, instead going on letting everyone believe that he is single. It's like he has 2 lives, one where even his name is different (he uses a different pseudonym at work). It just doesn't make sense to me. I have been sooooooo upset because of him since yesterday. I have decided to forget about him and treat myself to menchies instead.
Re: Hiding your married status from colleagues at work
I am married with a child. My husband doesn't likes putting my picture on his fb. Not a big deal. If he is not comfortable telling his friends about you then let it go. Hopefully when he is with you in Canada, the two of you will have mutual friends and he will be more open about you.
Re: Hiding your married status from colleagues at work
rouz: How long have you two been married? Was there any type of wedding reception held in Pakistan? And if so, did he invite any of his friends?
Re: Hiding your married status from colleagues at work
login details? insecure and controlling much? though, you do remind me of one of my bhabis 
Btw, why are you married in an offshore relationship if you can’t handle it? It seems that you are subconsciously finding ways to end your arranged marriage…
Re: Hiding your married status from colleagues at work
You wrote earlier…
If you’re not insecure and have 100% trust in your husband, why did you feel the need to demand the login details? He obviously didn’t volunteer that information. What did you think he was hiding from you on a FB profile that he told you was for work?
Re: Hiding your married status from colleagues at work
I would get a bit worried too, if I was in a situation like that. This guy is not acting normally, who knows he got married only for Canadian citizenship? :S I don't mean to scare the OP, it is something to think about.
Re: Hiding your married status from colleagues at work
OP, so if you are sure that he is not into any foul game and you have trust in him that there is no other woman involved, then why are you having difficulty in trusting the reason he has given you for not telling about his marital status to his co-workers?
as i said and some of the others that the reason he has given you is a valid one, you also saying that there are no trust issue between you two then why are you getting so upset over all this?
accept the reason he has given you ans be fine with this. why is it so important for you that he must tell his co-workers about you either as a wife or as someone he is in relationship with? i don't know at one hand you are saying you believe him and on the other hand you are yourself trying to find something fishy in all this.
Re: Hiding your married status from colleagues at work
He's almost here. Don't sweat the small stuff. Start reading (books, articles, etc) & attending seminars about the steps you can take to ensure a happy and harmonious marriage once he gets here!
Re: Hiding your married status from colleagues at work
to OP's husband. time to tell ur buddies abt your marriage right about now. it may feel awkward but just do it! you're her husband!!! pyar kiya toh darna kya! ;) but on a more serious note, it is rather degrading for a woman to be married to a man but he does not tell any one about her at all. how would you feel if she kept her marriage with u secret and never told any of her friends about it?
good luck!
Re: Hiding your married status from colleagues at work
Some people just hide family life at office, its common in Pakistan! unless he is keeping the interest alive of female colleagues ;)