hi

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1

hi all…here are some poetic verses written byme for an ad script to be provided for a commercial on Azadi day…would it work? your comments will help me out to improve …it is a soley effort so u may find technical faults viewing it as litterary content…

JAB HER SU CHAYA RANG-E-AZADI
KHILA HER PHOOL PHIR VADI VADI

MEHNAT KASH NEY BEEJ JO BOYA
JAR US NEY MAZBOOT BANA LI

MEHKAY GULSHAN, CHEHKAY PUNJI
SER SABZ HUE PHIR DALI DALI

YAKAYAK HOWA CHAMAN MEN FASAAD
HER JANIB PHELI KHOON KI LAALI

PUNJI SUB SEHMEY SEHMY
LAL-O-GUL NEY KI AH-O-ZARI

BULBUL SOGWAR, GULCHEN UNGGASHT BEY-DUNDAN
KIS NEY SAZISH HEY KER DALI!

RONDA KIS NEY SHAKH-EGUL KO
KIS NEY PHIR ZINDAN KI RASM NIKALI

QAYAS HOWA BAIRI HEY KOE DUSHMAN KA
JIS NEY BHO DI NAFRAT KI RAAT YE KALI

BAD-SABA NEY DAIKHA JO MATM-E-GUL-O- BULBUL
JARI KIYA FARMAN YE SHAHI

AZADI KA DIN HEY AYA
MITA DO NAFRAT KEY BEEJ KO, DHO DALO RAN-E-KHON KI LALI

HOWY HEN UB SUB YAKJAN
IRADUN NEY PHIR LAU HEY PA LI

WATAN KI MATTI MEN MOHABBAT BHO DEN
BHAE CHARA…UKHWWAT …AUR RWADARI!!!

2

Re: hi

i dont see it

3

Re: hi

**It's a bit complicated for me :@:

just kiddin :) Well I'm not good in poetry,... U should ask this to Amarbail :D
**

4

Re: hi

thanks for you kind reply dear

5

Re: hi

**U’re Welcome :phati:

**

6

Re: how is it?

Nice try

achi hai its nazam or ghazal ?

need some balance in verses 5,7,8,9, for amtures its a good try at all

7

Re: how is it?

thank u ...i would surely make it better...infact we are not bound to follow any rules while writing a poetic script for tv commercials....your suggestion gonna help me a lot

8

Re: hi

achi poetry hai nt bad jiii :k: