I am sitting here in my office and feeling so alone. I know I am not alone. I have my Allah. My lovely husband and my family.
But what I feel that I don’t have any long is friends….Looking back I can see that gradually my closest friends have disappeared from my life. I always believed in having few but very good friends. I shared everything with them.
One best friend told me that she is jealous of my upcoming wedding and stopped talking to me. I felt hurt and never contacted her again because she has hurt me at a time in my life that really meant something for me and instead of being there for me and sharing my happiness she was too occupied with the jealousy that my wedding had created.
Another never calls me – not even on special occasions. I have to be persistent in contacting her to meet up. She is too busy to be in touch with me yet I know that she does have time to socialize with people she has been backbiting about big time! Initially I thought it was a phase, but I have seen this continuously. It is friends who celebrate your special occasions like wedding, birthdays etc but she kept critizing my wedding ceremony instead of showing happiness. She never too any initiative to arrange any party for my wedding and yet she arranged a dholki for a girl whom she had backbited like hell!!! I must admit that I am not jealous on y she didnt arrange for me. I am just so hurt..and dissapointed..
So here I am thinking that maybe there is something good in not being in touch with these kind of people. But the pain of loosing friends really doesn’t feel good!!! I have know them both for 13 years and they have just disappeared like we never knew each other.
How did you deal with loosing friends whom you had confined in for so many years?
This is one song that keeps me calm and helps me realise that its all about me and not friends that have abandoned me and left me to rott even though when they were in need i was there for them and in return they pi$$ed all over my face. i shed blood for em had bones broken and even had my family turn against me just to save my friend.
Girl i know how you feel but what ever you do dont let it get to you because your tears are not worth whatevr they have got on them and what ever they have done. Be proud of your husband and make your kids become something.
hehehe..this is not the way i can think of others...if so then i wouldnt have been feeling so sad n alone for them leaving me when i needed them the most
Friends come and go, its just you never see it coming, if you think you can get back together with them then do so. and if you think its gona cause more pain then be free.
But, end of the day only a true sincere friend can tell who their friends really are and worth getting back together.
"Tell a person they are brave and help them become so''
(Thomas Carlyle)
I miss them a lot but I dont think its worth going back to. Cuz I have been patient with them for a VERY long time and at the end it just got too much for me to bear with!
I miss them a lot but I dont think its worth going back to. Cuz I have been patient with them for a VERY long time and at the end it just got too much for me to bear with!
So basically, its time to move on in your life and move on with your family and make new friends, cos had they been your sincere friends, you wouldnt be in this situation at this very moment.
They are not worth your time. Move on and make new friends. With people like these, they will never understand the worth of time, and it doesn't really matter how long you've known them.
If you sit here looking back and analyse how bad people treated you and how they cut you out of their lives then you'll become a very bitter person but if you think about positive things that your loved ones did, take a step forward and try to know new people you might actually find very nice friends. It's all upto you what you want to do.
I soo understand what you mean and it hurts, big time. I knew someone for 9 years, was like a big brother to me and I knew of this other girl for about a year. They both lived in ny so when I went to visit, I hung out with both of them, introduced them and stuff. Now the girl is married so obviously I didn't even anticipate what was coming- they hooked up!!!! At first, I noticed that both of them were constantly busy talking to each other online. And I mean constantly! So I brought it up with her asking how her hubby felt that she was always chatting/calling him. She just shrugged it off. Now her husband worked really late and at times she felt mad and neglected. I assumed that maybe by talking to this other guy, she was venting out her frustration or w/e. So anyway, when she noticed that I didn't like her talking to him so much, she stopped telling me anything about her convos and acted like she didn't even know. Until one day I found out exactly what was going on between them and I confronted her. She accused me of being 'possessive' and broke the friendship. Then the guy who had lied to me also called to talk to me but I was like no, how could you lie to me about this? She is a MARRIED woman for gods sake. I think what pissed me off even more was this guy has a beard, acts all islamic and what not, and he was someone I always looked upto as a big brother. To expect this from him was just out of the question. Anyway, so he never called back, I didn't bother talking to other girl, took them both off my friends list, etc etc etc. Initially it did hurt, not so much about the girl but the guy. I mean I used to share everything with him and it took me a long time to get over it. It's been almost 3 years now and it just doesn't bother me anymore. Oh and she also turned out to be a distant cousin of someone I know. So last I heard from her was that the girl is now a hijaabi and broke off all contacts with the guy for whatever reasons.
I look back at it as an experience. Some people are just not worth it- it's better to just walk away from them rather than wasting your time.
Agreed. :k: You can know someone for years and they up and leave … if they don’t want to talk to you about it or even discuss it with you, then it’s not worth it. Let them go, move on and find new friends. Don’t dwell in bitterness.
I know exactly what you mean Chameli420! I've also experienced something close to your situation. And believe me it hurts a lot in the beginning, but you just have to think abt you for once, and let these ppl go. I too felt dissapointed but try not to feel guilty, some ppl just dont know how to appreciate what they've got.
I know there is no rite answer to situations like this, but like someone else adviced you earlier in this tread; just go on with YOUR life and try to make the best out of it! You seem like you've been blessed with alot of kind pplz like your family and husband. And u've got Allah miyan by your side:) U have your happiness just infront of you, and ppl who really luv you and who will always be there for you no matter what:)
I know exactly what you mean Chameli420! I've also experienced something close to your situation. And believe me it hurts a lot in the beginning, but you just have to think abt you for once, and let these ppl go. I too felt dissapointed but try not to feel guilty, some ppl just dont know how to appreciate what they've got.
I know there is no rite answer to situations like this, but like someone else adviced you earlier in this tread; just go on with YOUR life and try to make the best out of it! You seem like you've been blessed with alot of kind pplz like your family and husband. And u've got Allah miyan by your side:) U have your happiness just infront of you, and ppl who really luv you and who will always be there for you no matter what:)
Yes i know what you mean…its just that it hurts so much tot hink that my 2 best friends for over 13 years have dissapointed me in such extremes. I have been bearing with them both for long time thinking that they are going through phases. But how come their ‘phases’ only comes up with me and they were normal and happy with others around us…
I have decided to move on and ignore them. I only have limited contact to one of them. The other has just diassappered..
Actually I am not bitter. I just feel very hurt…I have met new people here and I do see the blessing in having moved away. It makes it easier to start from a scrath here in stead of bumping in to those who’ve hurt me that much.
I have met some very nice girls here but the thing is that I really don’t feel like confiding myself to anyone now….I kind of protect myself from everyone. Maybe that’s better than being hurt later on and also to feel insecure whether your ex-friends would share your secrets with others…That is something I do fear from these 2 persons.
Alhamdulillah, I am happy that I have people in my life who are true blessings from Allah! :)
First of All, MashaAllah. its so very nice to hear that you ve decided to move on and ignore them for your own best intrest.
and secondly, I know how it feels as to have a friend for over 10 years and just one day when you dont expect it, they turn against you or they just dont want to be friends anymore because of other peoples influence over them or they beleive that they dont need you anymore. its very understandable to feel hurt in these cases because a person beleives he/she is their best friend but yet they are not, only to realise that you ve lost them.
Thirdly, its also understandable that you are keeping yourself to yourself at the moment becasue from personal experience i felt that i can no longer confide/trust anyone anymore because you dont want to be hurt again, it took me personally roughly three years to understand who are your friends and why they are your friends and finally came to the conclusion that ''You loose what you get, if u dont get anything what would be there to lose'' meaning.. if a person makes friends and they show they are your friends, they wil never leave you and if they dont, it means that they were never your friends in the first place.
May Allah give you and us all the ability and courage to be a real friends to others so they may show their true friendship and keep us happy for our own benifit and our families. (Aameen)
So, Chameli, see, you have so many ppl here in the same boat. Greater to see you are finally out of the feeling that was bothering you. I knew it was a temporary phase, esp at this time of your life when its going to start a new, and someone above mentioned your lovely sister inlaw too.. meaning your going to have a plenty of freinds around :)
On a second note, i believe you just dont depress yourself with the thoughts one sidedly.. Every one can have their problems. Esp the one who is simply jealous... maybe she is too possesive about you. For a loving and a close friend it is scary to lose a friend. Since i very much believe life of an individual changes after marriage. There might be many around you who had to quit contact with their friends after their marriage since life had changed with them, and they had to act more responsible where they had less time for their friends and whatnot. This is only the other aspect of the picture. Anyways, have a pleasant and prosperous married life. I wish you get just as many friends around you as you wish, Amin. :)
So, Chameli, see, you have so many ppl here in the same boat. Greater to see you are finally out of the feeling that was bothering you. I knew it was a temporary phase, esp at this time of your life when its going to start a new, and someone above mentioned your lovely sister inlaw too.. meaning your going to have a plenty of freinds around :)
On a second note, i believe you just dont depress yourself with the thoughts one sidedly.. Every one can have their problems. Esp the one who is simply jealous... maybe she is too possesive about you. For a loving and a close friend it is scary to lose a friend. Since i very much believe life of an individual changes after marriage. There might be many around you who had to quit contact with their friends after their marriage since life had changed with them, and they had to act more responsible where they had less time for their friends and whatnot. This is only the other aspect of the picture. Anyways, have a pleasant and prosperous married life. I wish you get just as many friends around you as you wish, Amin. :)
Well yes I do see your point. What i dont get is that this possesiveness leads to a friend cutting off all contact with you and just dissapering from your life ONLY cuz u r getting married! It has been over 1 and half years now and i must admit that I do miss her. Sometimes i think to mail her and ask how she is doing but the way she dealt with me etc was just too much and I think its stupidity to let urself be hurt again.
The thing is that it isnt just one friend who did that. My other best friend also behaved like this but in a more discrete way and I recently realized what has been going on and I just feel like not being in touch with her. I just feel bad that I am feeling like this....
I do know some wonderful ppl around me but I am too scared to commit myself in any close friendships yet....dont wanna get hurt again.
My husband is really my best friend and we talk about almost everything...but still I feel the need to share the girly stuff with some good friends...
And no my dear, my sister in law hasnt really been nice to me. that comment above made my yourfriends was ironic....
I once read .
Everybody complains that I do not have any good friends , but they do not try to be good friends.
Just wanted to share. No ill intentions.