Helping Friends: The Other Gender.

[pak2015]

Re: Helping Friends: The Other Gender.

@srkan2007

Fiancé has been friends with this lady (about 40 with three kids and divorced). They meet at work before Fiancé and I knew each other and have been friends ever since. She gives him career advice and he advice outside work. He has a good group of friends and I don’t have any hassles with it because I am the same. I actually like that he talks to people all ages, genders and has maintained a good friendship.

He got a call from her yesterday night. She lost her youngest son and has been on a downward spiral. Has no friends or family to provide immediate comfort. Fiancé wired her some money to cover the cost of funeral (she earns very well but with her parents and kids, all depending on her, she has had her hands full). Now she wants him to fly to the place of the funeral to provide some emotional comfort. She doesn’t want to go alone and face her ex because she might blow up. (She partly blames him for the son’s death. Son was living with the dad at the time).

I am trying to think of it in my head as to whether this should be something I want to talk to him about after this is over. I understand the need to support your friends at the time of need. We both have a good circle of friends and being there when needed is crucial. Its only when the gender is different, that I seem to think of it more and analysis as to whether we need to draw a line somewhere.

I fully trust the finance and have no issues. I also don’t want to come off as an over jealous person. I believe in the individual maintaining their own space and freedom. What do you guys think? Is this normal and I am overthinking something that should be normal friendship etiquette’s.

PS: If it were me and one of my guy friends was having trouble, I would have probably flown and helped him. But I don’t see it as an issue when I do it. I know double standards.! I can’t seem to help but have double standards..! something I have been working on. Maybe because I trust me more than I trust him.

I was going to say no he shouldn’t leave his wife to help a female friend (there are other ways to help without it affecting ones own personal life..and hes already gone beyond the responsibilities of a friendship by giving her money). After marriage, if both husband and wife are okay with having friends of opposite sex then there needs to be some boundaries set between friendships of opposite gender and for me personally that would be crossing the line if partner had leave family to go travel across country. Because then the friend especially the one that is groeving keeps expecting more and more to the point where it will start affecting your relatiomship–she’s going to keep coming to him for emotional support as grief can take a significant amount of time to overcome if ever. The line needs to be drawn somewhere. But then I read your PS. If you too would leave your husband to go help a male friend then there is no issue here and you too should let him go.