Re: Helping Friends: The Other Gender.
There are many people depending on this woman; it seems that maybe she is the only breadwinner. Being financially tight can place a tremendous amount of stress on a person and it can affect their health and their relationships. That said, if a person helps to alleviate some of that burden by providing financial help, I don’t think it’s a light matter or one that can be dismissed. People will sometimes complain that their loved ones gave them a shoulder to cry on but didn’t offer or lend/give them money, etc. Emotional support can also be provided via phone and email…and I am sure that OP’s fiance already did that…and by wiring her money…he really has done quite a bit.
He’s not being discouraged from flying out to meet this woman. But the OP is asking if she is justified in being concerned and in answering her question…one has to think long-term as well and not just about the current circumstances.
The woman said that she’s afraid to see her ex because she might explode at him. If her ex is also the father of her other children, then it’s likely that she will have to face him on subsequent occasions in the future. And each time she does so…it may not be possible for a friend to accompany her for emotional support. Yes, she is in pain and while we don’t know the circumstances behind the child’s death…the ex husband is also a parent and also lost a son and is also grieving. It will take time her to heal and when one is feeling vulnerable, it’s easy to become very, very attached to the person you’re seeking support from. And if that starts to come at the expense of your partner and the marriage, that’s when it can get messy and the issue of limits comes up. I didn’t get the impression that the focus is on the assumption that monetary support should be more than enough when helping a friend. The issue is being looked at from a broader perspective taking into account various possibilities and their potential consequences.