any practical tips/advice for helping a 6 yr cope with divorce/separation of parents??
any problems i should anticipate?
i am not able to spend much time with her due to work…and I myself am disturbed too lots of times…
what to do?
Re: helping children cope with divorce/seperation
no one? :((
Re: helping children cope with divorce/seperation
Whatever time you spend with her, just make sure she feels loves and understands that you will always be there with her.
Re: helping children cope with divorce/seperation
both parents are important for the child. child loves both. so, make sure the divorce is smooth and without ‘battles’. never argue in front of the child.
last but not the least, make sure the husband gets visitation rights and when he comes to pick her up, wear a smile [for the sake of child] even if you hate it.
make her feel that she is loved by you and her father.
may Allah make it easier for you. aameen
Re: helping children cope with divorce/seperation
I know a few single moms. One thing I noticed about the ones that are doing really well is that they show their kids they are extremely happy, comfortable and complete alone. I think kids sense troubled parents really well and notice the depression in their moms and dads.
You should try to be happy for her, show her you’re living a good life, spend time with her and do your best to enjoy each other.
Re: helping children cope with divorce/seperation
Keep the lines of communication open. Oftentimes we think kids that young don’t understand or won’t understand but they can be remarkably astute and there is nothing worse than being in a situation like this and feeling like you have no control over it. Talk to her about what is going on and what will happen next and reassure her of her place in the family. Listen to her and answer her questions as honestly as you can. And It’s ok to tell your child you don’t have all the answers. Maybe buy some story books that explain the process? I am sure there are lots out there.
Re: helping children cope with divorce/seperation
So many supporters of divorces on this forum. So little advise on how to deal with aftermath.
Re: helping children cope with divorce/seperation
Kkf made a good point about avoiding arguments with your spouse in front of your child. Even in the absence of your spouse, avoid complaining to her about her father. It can make kids confused as to which is parent is more at fault and who they should believe and the inability to resolve the mystery may cause frustration and resentment. Children also learn coping skills from their parents and you want to show her that you can still smile and tend to your responsibilities; that life keeps moving. Take out some time to spend with her during the busy schedule…even a little but of time…but regularly. Maybe go out for ice cream after you return from work, or play a game before bed, go to the park/zoo/library/etc on weekends, or just simply talking. Ask her how she feels, encourage her to talk but don’t push, and when she expresses her questions/concerns…discuss them patiently. Don’t dismiss or ignore her feelings so they’re not bottled up which can sometimes develop into resentment. Let her know that you’re not ignoring her intentionally, that you have to be away from her for valid reasons, so she understands. If she has an overall good relationship with her father, don’t keep her away from him. Discuss with your spouse the importance of not badmouthing each other to your daughter; that he also not complain about you to her in your presence, absence, phone, etc. In answering your daughter’s questions, avoid wording the responses in a way that will make her have ill feelings toward her father and his side of the family. Just my 2 cents.
Re: helping children cope with divorce/seperation
like KKF said avoid arguments and don’t speak bad/ill against him infornt of her and if he wants to keep a relationship with his daughter then let it happen.
Re: helping children cope with divorce/seperation
As someone who’s been through this personally (I was the child, parents divorced when I was 4) all I can say is continue to be the parent you were. It would be really hard for you daughter to see you disturbed and stressed out and she understands much more than you think. She’s scared of what this will mean for her and how her life will change, so just make sure that you don’t change and keep being there for her. Talk to her and let her know that she can come to you with any questions or fears she may have. Make sure she understands that you and her father divorcing doesn’t mean that both of you will stop being her parents. You’re still there for her, both of you (make sure your husband is on the same page here). Also, don’t play the blame game please.
My father disappeared and was out of the picture for a whole year or two … make sure this doesn’t happen in your case .. that was really hard for me!
Re: helping children cope with divorce/seperation
Even though this will be a really tough time for you and you will be fighting emotions on so many fronts. But make your child your priority until you both get through this whole thing.
Make an effort to be by her side and explain what is happening. Be proactive coz she may be scared to ask or might just hide away her fears and emotions. By you, reaching out to her , will only let her feel that everything is in control and might just lessen the trauma.
If for any reason her father doesnt get visitation rights or will be away for a longer period of time, please ensure you talk about it with her often so it doesnt come to her as a shock and she is able to deal with this separation with her father.
Sometimes sharing the bad times with your little one help as well. At times when you feeling really low, share to some extent . because kids are very sharp at sensing their parents emotions . They know when you are down and hiding the feelings . that will only make her more anxious.So Its ok to share your emotions with your child to some extent so she too learns how to cope with her feelings.
Good luck, I am sorry this is happening to you and really wish all the very best to the little girl who is having to go through this tough phase at this age.