OK I have a story but it’s long and complicated, but I thought maybe you guys (and gals) could help me out a little. Before I start I just want to tell you a bit about myself, and where I am coming from…I am a Pakistani, and consider myself to be a fairly good Muslim…so please when you read this be open-minded and don’t judge me on something you would find anti-Islamic.
A few years back I started University, and moved away from home (although I was still supported by my parents). After a couple of days there I saw the most beautiful girl I had ever seen in my life; long, blond hair, amazing eyes, just perfect in everyway. I soon got to know her, and I found out she was a practising Muslim from the Middle-East. Over the next two years we became best friends (as plutonic as you can get) and we pretty much knew everything about each other, you could call us inseparable. Even though we were two really different people, with different backgrounds, we got along with each other extremely well and had the same views over religion and life. Eventually I realised I was falling in love with her…
Anyway, the following events happened about 2 years after we first met each other…One day I bumped into her and she seemed to be really upset (in tears) so I asked her what was wrong. She basically told me her father was setting up an arranged marriage for her. I was surprised, because from what I knew, she was really looking forward to getting married as soon as possible, with whomever her parents chose because she trusted their decision (I knew this from a general conversation a few of us friends were once having). I assumed she did not like the person her parents had chosen, but she replied that he was not the problem. Over the next couple of days I bugged her to tell me why she was so upset, and she eventually told me (something along the lines of) “I’m not the person I used to be, and I’ll never be satisfied with anyone my parents choose for me, because I know I have already found the perfect person”. I asked her who, and she reluctantly said it was me. Believe it or not I was totally shocked and I had no idea what to say. We just starred at each other for the longest time, it seemed like hours though it was probably just a few secs and I eventually kissed her (I know I shouldn’t have done that as a Muslim, but like I said earlier I make mistakes like everyone else).
We kind of avoided each other for a few weeks after that, I guess we were both finding it hard to comprehend that we were in love with each other. That was only for a short time and we eventually began seeing each other again (as friends). A few months later we decided that we cared enough for each other and wanted to get married. After we told our families, both of them had pretty much the same reaction, they wanted to have nothing to do with us and cut off all ties. They stopped talking to us, (I was not even allowed to see my younger sister, who I am really close with) they stopped giving us money to live off. We basically had to choose each other or our family, and we made the tough choice. Personally I find it frustrating that even though we are both Muslims, our families thought of the culture over it. I am sick and tired by the amount of times we have heard people tell us our relationship will fail. Sometimes I feel really guilty that I basically ruined her comfortable life by having her lose all her family. We’ve both had to make huge sacrifices, just to have future happiness.
I was just wandering a few things…Firstly I wanted to know if under Islamic law am I allowed to marry a girl, without her father’s permission? (I honestly have no idea)…do any of you have similar experiences?
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and end up marry some chick from back home who has no idea that you have been around the block. But i’m sure that would be ok versus this where you are wanting to spend the rest of your life with one person… the double standards of us desi people.