My post might be long but please bear with it
I am required to make a serious decision whether I should leave home or not
I will summarize some imp points which have an impact on my decision
We are four sister .the eldest is married and lives in dubai
My father divorced my mother when I was 18 but before that he was not much of a father drinking, women ,mental abuse and did not support us financially much
He use to earn in lakhs in dubai but gave us a financial income of 20000 during which he would stop giving 2 or times a year
My father and mother had a ‘’vatta satta’’ and when things did not work between his sister and my mamu my father would beat my mom but thing eventually ended between them but thing did not get any better .we grew up and protected our mother
He did not want any of us to study after inter .he thought it would waste of his money and we were worth getting married to some rickshaw chalaney wala etc.
He wanted this so he could have the house and throw our mother out as he left the house after divorce
After few months of divorce he threatened us to either get married or he would throw us out of the house ..and also pay the expense he paid for his sister (MY phupoo)
We filed a case in court for the house ..but nothing happened in these 2 years as he bought the judge
6months ago he sent thugs to our house to remind us to whom this house belongs to
After divorce he stopped taking care of us financially so my mothers relatives have been supporting us to some extent
My 2nd sister has a very low pay which doesn’t hold the house expenses
She is 29 and doesn’t want to get married
My 3rd sis completed her bachelors and my eldest sister want her to come to dubai for a better life and job
My mother’s family is very religious ,strict and disciplined .we are not allowed to even breath without their permission .my mother does not protect us or defend us when they take control over our lives
They also advise my mother 24 times a day that we should gat married but we want to pursue a career and become independent
They have brought rishtas for me which I with great difficulty refuse and so for my 3rd sister
My eldest sister want me to come to dubai as she thinks I am losing my sanity and my mo will force me into marriage one day
My mother is againt this plan of ours as losing the house is one of the risks and that she is really close to me and thinks I should complete my bachelors here
i have lost three years of studies already
i am tired of being a slave to my mothers relatives
i refused my sister today and she says that i broke her heart and that se will never talk to me again and i my mother forces me into marriage she will not help me
i cried alot because i want to go but my mother did not say a single word
Thank you for your time and patience and your replies will be appreciated
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no my sister cant take all of us at the same time to dubai
Re: help
your situation is a though one. And if I have to give you my honest opinion on this it would be not to give in to your mothers family's constant taane. Don't get married to any lallu panju! Go to dubai and start over. You deserve the best and don't just settle for what's handed to you.
Focus on your career and inshaAllah one day you'll show your dad and your relatives! Life is not always rainbows and butterflies.
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but i dont have my mothers consent to this .either i break my mothers heart or my mothers
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It appears to me that you need to do what's right for you first and foremost. Figure out what that is and follow your head. Why doesn't your mom want you to move to Dubai and have a better life? And do your mom and older sister have differences of opinion and not get along together?
Also, what sort of education are you planning on getting in Dubai? I lived in Abu Dhabi for 10 years until I graduated my A Levels and had to move to Lahore to continue my education as at the time there were not many reputable options in terms of Universities there. This was 7 or 8 years ago though. So make sure you research your options in terms of your studies before going. Also, the costs and expenses that would be incurred need to be considered and you need to ensure that your sister will be able to help with this. Perhaps you could even get a part time job?
Do your research, think things through and make a move. Think with your head and do what's right for now, not what's right for everyone else!
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well according to my sis she says i shud do my b.com privately from allama iqba open university as they have a previlage that u can register in pakistan and give ur papers in dubai
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You need to have a plan for yourself and follow it.
You will break some hearts along the way but ask yourself what is best for you and your family at this time. Getting married? Or being independent?
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aquarius771 - i can somewhat relate myself to the situation you are in a few months ago. But i was financially independent can be the only difference which made me move out of my family easier and think out of the box and first and foremost about me. I wud suggest you the same thing. Keep all your options at one place and think which will help you achieve your goals.
I wanted to slap my dad on his face and show what i can b. And alhumdulillah i did it and to this day i can say proudly all the so called dominating khaandaan - the controllers are begging down and apologising.
All i can say is first think for yourself & secure your future with your own hands so that you even if get married, God forbit it doesnt turn out like jumping from the frying pan into the saucepan. Just an advise. All other's fall later dear think abt yourself. Keep faith in Allah SWT
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your mother may be hurt for the short term but when she sees that you are independent, happy and successful without being under anyone's pressure she will be glad that you took those steps.
the real question should be what are the potential pitfalls of moving to Dubai? be sure you understand them and have a fall-back plan.....
Complete your education become independent. It is your weapon. My prayers are with you.
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Complete your education become independent. It is your weapon. My prayers are with you.
agree.....but can we change the weapon to armor instead?