Hi guys, I’ve read some good advices here and need some advice. My shaadi is in march and it’s an arranged/love marriage. My parents found him but we got along really well and we are quite close. I have one sister who I used to be extremely close too. The only thing about my sister is that she loves to taunt when she’s angry. I used to share all mine and my fiance’s fights with her and she started using that information as a tool to embarrass me and taunt me during small arguments. I stopped sharing things with her but the taunts never stopped. 2 weeks ago I was real stressed about my dress and had an argument with my fiancé too. I can’t remember what my sister and I had an argument over and I told her to stop eating my candy (stupid I know). In return she started her nasty taunts again and in anger I started taunting her about her Shia boyfriend. That shut her up for time being but during my mehendi the next day she started again saying how if I did not apologize she would ruin my mehendi. I told her that if she tried anything I would tell mom n dad about her Shia boyfriend. She embarrassed me infront of my best friend crying and saying things like ‘what did I ever do to her why is she doing this to me’. The funny thing is, I never even dud anything.
Anyways, last night we had another fight and she said a lot of stuff and so did I but for her it didn’t stop there. She kept threatening me’ that she would tell my fiancé all the crap about how I am ruining her life cuz he needs to know cuz he’s marrying me. I told her to go ahead. My fiancé aloes right then n I told him not to talk to her. I was so pissed at her and so upset and he cut my call and ran to call her instead trying to console her. It upset me even more cuz first of all he shouldn’t have involved himself in our fight in the first place, and secondly he should have NEVER taken my sisters side over me’, leaving me’ to run to her. I have been feeling extremely betrayed ever since last night. J don’t want to marry him anymore. I don’t know if I should tell my mom?
Salam stuck :)
This might not seem a serious issue to anyone else but in my opinion it really is a serious issue. Firstly he shouldn't have ran to ur sister, if you had told him not to tawk/meet ur sister he should have listened to you. Wat if he had asked you to not to tawk/meet with his brother, and you would have done the same thing, how would he react? Do ask him this question.
Please postpone your shaddi for now, give him sometime and see how things go. Overtime if u feel that he has changed himself then you can always marry him. The reason im asking you to postpone ur wedding is because this was a very immature beheaviour, it shows how much he trusts you and how much he cares about wat u say to him.
Aagar abi say woh aisa ker raha hay tu, agar shadii k bad tum ussay kesi kam sya mana kero aur woh ja ker wohi kam karay tu phir kaya kero gi tum? us waqt to woh tumhara shoher hoga, us waqt to tumhay is say b ziyada bura lagay ga. So please DO tawk to him about his beheaviour and tell him how you feel about him now.
Jaha tuk baat hay app ki sister ki, i think you should STOP sharing ur personal stuff with her. Yeah she is ur sister and she probably will realise her mistake with time, but agar aap jantay ho k unki yeh tanay dainay wali adut unk saath rahay ge tu you shud be carefull b4 sharing anything with her.
Don't worry too much Inshallah sab theek ho jay ga. Bes aap apnay fiance say baat kero and unhay batao k un ka is terha ap k manna kiay baghair ap ki sister say milna ap ko bilkul b acha nahe laga. And aik baat aur agar ho sakay to (if ur close to one of ur parents either mum or dad) please unhay b yeh sari baat bata do ta k agar kal koi baat ho to woh ap say naraz na ho.
its not all about money.....atleast i wud never think that way. if something like that had happened to me, doesn't matter if it was just 1min b4 my Nikkah, if i didn't felt like going ahead with it then i wouldn't do it. I mean its better to ruin some money rather than ruining ur whole life.
Paisa anay janay wali cheez hay likin shaddi ka decision aik aisa cheez hay k aik dafa insan kesi bundan mai bund jay to itne asani say ussay tor nahe sakta because then its not just about the two ppl its about two families.
My fiancé aloes right then n I told him not to talk to her. I was so pissed at her and so upset and he cut my call and ran to call her instead trying to console her. It upset me even more cuz first of all he shouldn't have involved himself in our fight in the first place, and secondly he should have NEVER taken my sisters side over me', leaving me' to run to her. I have been feeling extremely betrayed ever since last night. J don't want to marry him anymore. I don't know if I should tell my mom?
Um you involved him by calling him. What happens between sisters should stay between them unless and until she ahd actually called him. By tattling to him you made things worse for yourself.
Before I say anything else, I want to tell nomica that I'm glad he's enjoying himself.
1) I stopped sharing things with my sister a long time ago, she uses the old information to taunt now, or things that my fiancé may tell her.
2) I never called my fiancé or tattled to him. He called me' right then and my sister came in the middle n started screeching that she wants to 'tell him everything'. I have never told my fiancé about the kind of nasty things she utters from her mouth because I never wanted her to look bad infront of him. I told him in the past to never tell her anything that happens between us because once he had told her that I wound t listen to him (that was after our personal fight), and she had taunted me' fir weeks after saying crap like 'apnay fiancé ko you sambhal nahi sakti'. Last night after her screeching in the background I told him that if she calls he should ignore her call, but she never even had to call cuz ge hung up on me' n ran n called her on her cell.
I am close to my mom but she's in Pakistan busy with wedding preparations. That is why I asked if I should talk to her or not...
Oh yes, I called him and first he lied saying how I misunderstood and he had never called. Then when I told him that I could see his skype history he started making excuses like 'she's like my younger sister, I wanted to make sure she was ok'. When I asked that what about making sure if I was ok (she hit me' on the head with a screw driver when I was on the phone with my fiancé), he said k abhi main tum say baat nahi karna chahta. You know what hurts me' the most in this? No matter how much she was at fault her bf would NEVER even talk to me' let alone take my side. But my fiancé ran to her within a jiffy to make sure 'she was doing ok'
Before I say anything else, I want to tell nomica that I'm glad he's enjoying himself.
i asked you a serious question in my first post about how old you guys are...and my laughing smiley was about the poster who asked you to postpone the marriage for this 'fight'.....and suggesting that 'such a person (your fiance)' will be terrible to you..............sorry but that was just amazingly naive n utter immaturity in that post which made me laugh.........
You’re the older sister right? Well Stuck you are a disgrace to older siblings all around. I’d say your bratty sister needs a good beating up. A catfight or an oil wrestle shouldn’t be ruled out as avenues to amicably resolve the conflict. If that doesn’t work then give her the old one two and show her who’s the bossni. Once she’s learned her lesson everything shall be fine and dandy, and you and your sister and your fiance will be Stuck like glue and all.
maybe your fiance doesnt trust you O r he secrelty likes your sister .. Or hes just into the usually womens teerritory of bakcbiting and getting cheap thrills on drama ..
You don’t want to marry him anymore over that? Just because he’s trying to console your sister doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s siding with her. Maybe he’s thinking that she’s younger…she’s like my sister…lemme help my fiance out and try to talk to her younger sis and smooth things out. Why not consider that possibility? He’s going to be a member of your family soon…as you’ll be an addition to his family…and that means trying to build positive relationships with everyone…not just with you.
An upcoming wedding can be stressful for everyone that is involved in it. It’s not unusual for the bride-to-be to turn into Bridezilla…and there’s a roller coaster of emotions that both her and other family members are going through. Jealousy over lack of attention…or too much attention…or fear at the change in relationships…the stress of completing wedding-related tasks and also managing other responsibilities as well. It’s a lot to handle. Both you girls need to sit down and talk this out…calmly…without getting defensive. Don’t play the blame game. Start the discussion off by apologizing for hurtful things you’ve both said to one another. And then talk about how both of you can try to help one another out.
Poor Shia boyfriend…he’s being used as leverage. Should that make him feel proud and powerful or insulted?
or he is a girl…or a gay trying to avoid shaadi or a serial killer or a rapist or robber or child molester or or or or or…
oh..and
** OR**
the OP is just making a big issue out of nothing…and needs to get her younger sister ‘disciplined’…and talking things out with her fiance who she ‘got along with very well’ and with whom she has a ‘love/arrange’ marriage…
I havn't read all the responses, but you guys are sisters! You do need to sit & talk about it. As much as it is stressful for you, it is most likely a confusing time for your sister too. From experience, younger sisters lash out and behave a little strangely when you kind of really need them to be there for you. It is sad that you are not able to share things, but it seems that you are both to blame when it comes to using things against one another.
The fighting does seem a bit childish from you both, & it maybe helpful for you to both talk to your mum when she returns. I think it does need to be explained to your sister that she shouldn't really be trying to great problems between you and your fiance.
Just because he’s trying to console your sister doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s siding with her. Maybe he’s thinking that she’s younger…she’s like my sister…lemme help my fiance out and try to talk to her younger sis and smooth things out. Why not consider that possibility? He’s going to be a member of your family soon…as you’ll be an addition to his family…and that means trying to build positive relationships with everyone…not just with you.