I am not sure if this is the right place to vent but I thought that maybe someone here could give me Islamic refernces, or hadith or so to strengthen and increase my faith.
Well the gist of it all is that in the recent past there was a rift b/w my MIL and myself and then she involved my parents and things got out of hand. Things are now very slowly returning to normal but my parents took a very adverse effect out of it all. My dad has perpetual high blood pressure now and my mom has severely low red blood cell production .. I am sure there are worse illnesses out there but I just hate the fact that all of this happened to my family b/c of the harsh things my mil said to my parents. Obv, after all that my family totally cut off from me and I hail from a family where we all are VERY VERY close, very friendly with each other, joking arnd, etc. However, my husband’s family is different. His parents are older, more reserved w/ each other, and theres just this formal, conservative relationship of him with his parents/ siblings.
Alhamdulillah Ive a very very very loving husband who did not leave me behind for a second in all of these tough times I was through, and I’m on the brink of mother hood, (insha’Allah due next week). Everytime Im by myself and feeling blue, I can’t stop thinking about what has happened and I get very bitter over everything that my mil did/ said. I hate her so much inside and I don’t want to b/c I would never wish that my husband severs his ties with his family, I would never wish that for my child. I don’t even want to carry any negative thoughts for anyone, I am scared of Allah’s wrath and I just want to clear my heart out from the past … but I cant. My husband and I never discuss none of that. We’re MA very happy, and I sometimes talk to my parents too. And I hate the fact how at this crucial stage of my pregnancy I couldn’t be close to my mom even though we live at driving dist. And my parents … since all this has happened, they’re not only physicall sick, they’re sad, and my mom’s so weepy all the time. She wishes me happiness but she’s always holding herself back and obv, becoming a grandparent is a special time for anyone.
Also, my inlaws don’t live here, they live in pak, but my mil can spread her venom from oceans apart. And obv she doesn’t care for my situation, atleast not enough to have done what she did while I was in my 8th month. So back to my point, what can I do to cheer up my parents, myself. To clear my heart out. I will IA have my baby very soon and I want to be happy, and I want to seek Allah’s forgiveness and I really don’t want to hold any grudges while I go to this new stage in life. I try to read Astaghfaar each time I feel like crying… but my heart just doesn’t clear out. Please help
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Bhenjee,
I am sorry to hear of your situation and pray that things get better with your family, inshallah.
If your parents do not want to talk to you bcos they think you have done something bad to them, then go to them and ask for their forgiveness. At the end of the day they are your parents, and this is one time that you need them and they will want to be with you too.
Even if it is not your fault, still go to see them and ask them to forgive you for anything they may hold in their hearts, and to be on good terms with you. Tell them u need them. If you have to cry in front of them, then do it.
The blessed month of Ramadan is now upon us, when it is easier to focus on our good deeds, so pray for things to be easier for you.
Don't despair and whatever you do, please do NOT work yourself up about what your MIL did, it's like a disease that will destroy your peace of mind. Just ask Allah to give justice in that department and to save your and your family from such evil. Then have faith in Allah and don't think about what she did anymore, focus on the future, and focus on the things that Allah has blessed you with (such as an amazing sounding husband for a start, mashallah!).
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Islam Question and Answer - Can Muslims be affected by psychological problems?
Can Muslims be affected by psychological problems?
Is it possible for a Muslim to be afflicted with psychological problems? (Because some people say that a Muslim cannot be affected by psychological problems).
Praise be to Allaah.
Undoubtedly man may be afflicted with psychological problems such as worries about the future and grief over the past. Psychological problems affect the body more than physical problems do. We should know that the worries and distress that affect a person are among the things that expiate his sins and reduce the burden of sin; if he is patient and seeks reward with Allaah, he will be rewarded for that.
Treating these problems in the ways prescribed in Islam is more effective than treating them with physical medicine, as is well known.
One of the treatments prescribed in Islam is to recite the du’aa’s narrated from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) to relieve worries and distress, for example, the saheeh hadeeth narrated from Ibn Mas’ood (may Allaah be pleased with him): “There is no-one who is afflicted by distress and grief, and says: ‘Allaahumma inni ‘abduka ibn ‘abdika ibn amatija naasyati bi yadika, maada fiyya hukmuka, ‘adlun fiyya qadaa’uka. As’aluka bi kulli ismin huwa laka sammayta bihi nafsaka aw anzaltahu fi kitaabika aw ‘allamtahu ahadan min khalqika aw ista’tharta bihi fi ‘ilm il-ghayb ‘indaka an taj’al al-Qur’aana al-‘Azeema rabee’ qalbi wa noor sadri wa jalaa’ huzni wa dhihaab hammi (O Allaah, I am Your slave, son of Your slave, son of Your maidservant; my forelock is in Your hand, Your command over me is forever executed and Your decree over me is just. I ask You by every name belonging to You which You have named Yourself with, or revealed in Your Book, or You taught to any of Your creation, or You have preserved in the knowledge of the Unseen with You, that You make the Holy Qur’aan the life of my heart and the light of my breast, and a departure for my sorrow and a release for my anxiety),’ but Allaah will take away his distress and grief.” This is one of the remedies prescribed in sharee’ah. One may also say: “Laa ilaaha illa anta, subhaanaka inni kuntu min al-zaalimeen (There is no god but You, glorified (and exalted) are You, truly I have been of the wrongdoers).” [cf. al-Anbiya’ 21:87]
Another form of treatment is ruqya with which a person may treat himself – which is better. The Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to do ruqyah for himself by reciting al-Mi’wadhatayn (the last two soorahs of the Qur’aan) when he went to sleep, then he would wipe his face and whatever he could of his body. Or a person may go to someone whose religious commitment he trusts to do ruqyah for him.
If he wants to know more, he can refer to what the scholars have written about du’aa’ such as al-Waabil al-Sayyib by Ibn al-Qayyim, al-Kalim al-Tayyib by Shaykh al-Islam, al-Adhkaar by al-Nawawi, and Zaad al-Ma’aad by Ibn al-Qayyim.
From the fatwas of al-Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen, Kitaab Fataawa Islamiyyah, vol. 4, p. 465-467.
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Thanks for that RH. I feel better after reading on it. And no, there is no problems with my parents. They just hold themselves back after all has happened b/c obv they don't want to be the reason to cause any misunderstandings in my family. And they certainly are not, but they've kept their dist ever since all happened. Obv they're very hurt after my mil went ballistic and I don't expect my husband to negate his mother's "orders". But it works out for me, b/c before she would fone 50 times in a day to ask on what was going on here (while my husband woud be at work) wanting to know each and every little detail (and like I said, she lives oceans away).
Since my parents have backed off and obv, my husband also made sure that his mom doesn't call me or talk to me when he's not around, there's much peace at home. I would rather talk to my parents all the time and have them come over, or go visit them like I used to before, but Im willing to sacrifice on that b/c obv once that begins, my MIL (my bil, her major informant) would have issues again and things would get out of hand.
Sigh..
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It is good that your sacrifice is working to maintain the balance, so don't upset yourself over it, I'm sure your parents also acknowledge the benefits it has for you too.
You will probably find that you naturally see more of your parents after the baby is born anyway, bcos no one can argue about your need for their support.
I am going to PM u...
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First off some of your emotional issues may be related to your pregnancy, and keep in mind, those can get worse after the birthing of your child. Your husband needs to know about this and be ready to seek appropriate help when and if it happens.
Secondly, your family is estranged from you - this doesn't make sense to me. Your parents live at a driving distance, so do what you can to re-establish ties with them. Tell them you want them there during the birthing.
Third, take advantage of this being Ramadan. If any time of the year you're going to make an effort to be forgiving, let it be this month. Your MIL is not going to change, and she's not going to go away until she died, and even then the problems will linger on. You're not the only DIL to go through this, so the best you can do is "in one ear and out the other". And you'll see, your husband will continue to be supportive. Build in good venting mechanisms so you're not bottling up YOUR venom inside, for example, writing in a journal, or seeking some psychological therapy sessions. Doesn't mean you're crazy or anything, but the best person to talk to is not your girldfriends or your family members, because they might sway you into making a decision YOU will regret. Talk to someone who can counsel you in a more healthy and productive way, who is totally distant from the family. It helps a lot.
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rupay halwa your post benefited me as well..thanks