My FIL (a very dear sweet man) loves to share his stories of countless travels, and political battles. He’s a good story teller but likes to tell them again and again and again.
His own children can be a little obtuse and brush it off “Dad we have heard this a million times” but his 3 DILs (myself included) cannot be that direct without sounding rude.
Last week, my youngest SIL had to go to run and errand and she just could not break free. I had to skip the children’s bath because I just couldn’t find in my heart for him not the complete his tale.
What is a approripiate way without seeming rude to let someone know what you just don’t have time for chit chat.
Tell him in a very friendly way that lets continue with your story on dinner or chai (or whatever event is about to follow) while I do this thing quickly. once you disappear you don't have to come back quickly :)
You finish the story for him. I have a friend who repeats the same story ad nauseum - I tell her how it ends (the abbreviated version). This ends the story much sooner without rudely telling them you've already heard it before - it implies it.
To leave while listening to a phone call is considered rude by older people.
Except if its a friend who is in great danger and reception inside is terrible and you have to walk out to hear them better. You have to put up a show. No one said it's a walk in the park.
My dear dada abu (may his soul rest in peace) used to do this.....all i could do was to pretend that i was listening....just the thought that someone is taking interest in our chit chats make these elders happy....i was always like "achaaa....phir" and used to tll me his repeated tales with such an enthusiasm and joy.......i dont think one can do anything about it...learn to go along with this habit....now as hes gone...im happy that i tried my best to keep him company whenever he needed one :)
p.s. ask someone to call you in the kitchen or something like that...if u have some other important chore to do!
If you explain something nicely...with tact...the other person is less likely to take offense.
Next time you're busy and FIL gets started on a story....just say:
"Uncle/Abbu...aap ki stories bahut mazay ki hain....sorry main aap ki baat kaat rahi hoon....I hope aap mind nahin karain ge.....lekin I have to (tend to this n this errand/chore)."
^Then tell him a more convenient time like during lunch/dinner/chai, etc. That way he gets an idea of what time is more appropriate. And you can even redirect him with the newspaper, a book/magazine, TV program. If he's into movies or dramas.....you can even rent some for him to watch. OR.....even the grandchildren can keep him busy....while you tend to chores.
We’ll be like this one day , but won’t that be so boring for them to know that how we programmed some software , or how we had this fight over GS , or some other ‘‘thrilling’’ story from maybe Facebook .
My wife goes through that with my mom. All of us kids (we are 4 of them) run away from our mom when she gets into her baatooni mood and niks gets stcuk with her ..
but just for that, niks gets the highest amount of dua’s and love from my mom, way more than what my mom gives us ..
We have an old uncle (neighbor) who is abandoned by his kids and he’s paralyzed too. I usually go to the ATM for him and bring him groceries etc. He’s an ex-major sahab.. I’ve heard how he got a hold of the biggest drug-dealer and how-he-bribed him story no less than 50 times now.
Now I rush-in and tell him while putting things in his cabinets “I’m in a hurry uncle, I’m in a rush to get somewhere”
Well frankly that is very selfish of all of you. Extremely selfish. They lack interaction with other individuals and feel that they need to do this for themselves and feel important.
They are lonely. I for one have always stayed and listened. If it is an older aunty or something I make tea and sit with her.
If you plan on visiting them or do something for them, take the time out to take care of the elderly.
I so hope to Allah that when you all are old and senile, that your kids do the very same with you.
CM, most people do listen to the same stories retold by their elderly relatives countless times. My naani ammi retells stories about her childhood every time I see her. The question is if there is a time when you need to extricate yourself once in a while - how to do that without hurting their feelings. No one is advocating abadoning or ignoring their relatives.
