I was wondering how many of you first time around had help with baby and how much did that help help you in first few months.
Help can be husband, your parents, his parents, your siblings or his. Or even maids.Were you able to completely relax and get four hours uninterrupted sleep everyday in first few months if you did have help or did you despite helping hands feel overly possessive and responsible for the baby?
I found that I was the latter and felt that the baby was my sole responsibility and despite living at parents initially it was not as helpful as others would imagine. Just didn’t have to cook and though meals were given to me exhaustion superceded hunger.
Re: help with baby - specially for first time moms
It was me and my husband. And he had only got a week off. It was a struggle. I really wish someone was there to help around even just for moral support. We moved two months before the baby was born to a new place. I didnt know anyone and felt completely lost for the first three months.
We’re doing well now but I could have done with some help in the early days.
Re: help with baby - specially for first time moms
I had a lot of help.
The first few weeks my mom helped me a lot, I didn’t stay at my parents but she would drop by with food or even babysit him for a few hours so that I could have some time alone as well. I started university again when he was 2 months and then my MIL came to help me for some time. Although I felt the responsibility of the baby was on my shoulders I do think having the extra help was a blessing. As a first time mom - you’re confused, everything is new and you don’t really know much so it can be quite a handful, so someone guiding you is really helpful, IMO. With baby no. 2 everything is different. You’re much more relaxed and you sort of know your thing so not as stressful as the first time.
Re: help with baby - specially for first time moms
I had no help…husband didnt get any leaves…so i was with my kid all the time…besides taking care of him i had to cook food..wash his clothes every…clean the house wasnt possible daily atleast for me…i was total sleep deprived…i could not sleep for continuous 15mins in first two months of my son’s life and i’m not joking…
Does people really sleep for four full hours?
Khair If someone was with me i wish they would take my baby jusy for an hour so that i could sleep…nothing else…
Re: help with baby - specially for first time moms
well you know my story I had zero help due to some accidents in family even huby was not there wth me all alone wth baby lot wof mental and physical stress, I remember I used to cry on Skype in front of my parents first two months were hell for me but gradually I settled down. but I learnt a lot especially the multi tasking
Re: help with baby - specially for first time moms
I had a lot of help alhamdulillah. I stayed with my parents for two months and I needed all the help I could get after my C and various health issues. I was more than happy to hand him over when needed and my parents were more than happy to care for him.
Re: help with baby - specially for first time moms
First time round, I had both sets of parents with me but hubby wasn’t there. Nonetheless I got a lot of help alhamdulillah but I always felt guilty thinking the baby is my responsibility and I’m giving so much trouble to ammi and ammi (mil).
I loved it for other three times when it was just me and hubby and alhamdulillah I was back on my feet really quick. I always like doing my stuff myself and it gives me immense satisfaction. It was hard when my daughter was born prematurely via c-section as most of my “planning” went down the drain…I couldn’t cook in bulk before hand and stuff…but still we could manage. There was a time when the premie was still in hospital and I was out and I would spend the day with boys at home and do everything and rush to hospital in evening to stay at night. At that time it felt I have just a loooong day without night as I won’t really get any sleep …just walked like a zombie dozing off here and there.
If I’m asked, I would always prefer to stay on my own with hubby of course. It kills me to drag my parents or in laws…not, that it’s wrong but it’s just my personal preference.
Re: help with baby - specially for first time moms
This is me now. Sooo sleep deprived. Baby sleeps for 1 hr max at a time and I can’t fall asleep in such a short time. Husband helps where he can but I still feel exhausted. I am EBF and baby feeds two hourly.
Cleaning house forget about it. I do it when guests are coming. I barely manage to cook.
Re: help with baby - specially for first time moms
^i feel you Hmmna!! Try to handover your baby to husband for few hours and take a nap…
I brought tomato paste /ginger garlic paste and fried crushed onions from market for first 2months so.that.i can cook easily…
My husband only had the 2 days I was in the hospital off, then he had to go back to work (he works weekends as well, 6 days a week). My mil came for a week. The first few days she was helping with cooking and cleaning and would keep the baby for 2 hours in the morning so I could get some sleep. Then on the 3rd day my husband complained to her that he didn’t want to eat daal anymore ( she made daal for 3 days straight and I hate daal but didn’t say anything) so she stopped cooking completely. She then would just sit on her iPad and watch dramas. She still took the baby in the morning but stopped cooking. She then called her daughters to come get her that weekend (my in laws live 5 hours away). So I guess I had a little help, but it honestly wasn’t much. I had planned to cook and freeze in bulk ahead of time but my husband wouldn’t let me cause he said ami is coming and she is going to take care of everything for one month. Yah, that didn’t happen. Next time I don’t want anyone to come. I will cook and freeze ahead of time, and take care of things on my own like I did with my son.